My grandma telling me she is getting a plus one...

The right time to tell her was when she mentioned it. At this point I would just address the invitation to her and bring it up if/when she tries to add a plus one.

That is a tough one! I think if you explain that it's an intimate occasion and you only want your closest people there, she should understand! If it were my grandma, it would be hard to argue 😅 Maybe lighten the conversation afterwards with reiterating how important she is to you and that you'd love something old, borrowed, or blue from her... Something to make her feel special and to forget you denied her a guest 😅

I'd probably let this go since it's grandma, but you should probably have said something when she told you initially. Maybe call her and explain things.

Side note: everyone that has any significant other of any kind should be invited with their SO. Significant others aren't plus ones, they should be invited guests. It's not great to create arbitrary rules that judge the seriousness of your closest family and friends' relationships. You're inviting people to celebrate your relationship, so you should be honoring theirs.

It’s grandma,,,, let grandma bring a friend lol.

Personally,I would just let her.. We are picking and choosing who gets a plus one also, with similar guidelines, everyone in a relationship their SO will also be invited, and almost all immediate family will be getting a plus one, regardless of their relationship status.


You’ll have many Tough decisions along the way, pick and choose your battles wisely.. it saves a lot of stress in the long run. 😬 good luck!

I agree with others, I think this one gets a pass for grandma. It’s harder for older folks to be surrounded by only younger people so companionships in their age group brings a type of comfort we don’t fully understand but it’s beautiful to see. My grandmother really only had my other grandmother who was anywhere near her age and they both lit up being able to talk together at our wedding. It’s frustrating that she’s adding someone to your intimate event but this one is passable in my opinion.

I would just let her bring her. It’s your grandma, I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Hmmmm... this may be different but I gave a plus one to my fiances mother and grandma and neither have a significant other. My thought was, I don't want his mom to be alone when the ex husband is there with his newer wife and child even though there are no ill feelings. Also, I wanted the grandmother to have a support system because she is elderly and may need assistance. In fact, he ended up with an extra aunt and uncle to help with his grandma. I am totally okay with this. Mainly because my fiance has such a close relationship with his grandma.

It’s grandma! I think she should be able to bring someone so she isn’t alone!

Let grandma bring her friend. This will make her happy, and will give you fun memories of her when she’s gone. If it was anyone else, it would be a definite no. But sometimes you have to have leniency, especially with grandmas.

Maybe she just wants to have someone her age to talk with? Not that that should alter your decision.

I definitely appreciate all the replies. I think what I am going to do is IF there is room on the guest list then it won’t be a huge deal. If it comes down to 101 people and I can’t have someone I’m truly close with there, she doesn’t get her plus one. And another thing to note is my grandma is known and loved by everyone. Not only will she have her own children and grandchildren there she will have my best friends there who she’s basically adopted. Plus she knows my fiancé’s family on top of people on my dads side of the family. So she will have people her age and people she is close with there as well.



Maybe what bothered me is that she told me what she was going to do instead of just asking me. Or saying “would you mind, I know you guys are paying for everything...” I might not have felt so stuck if she had asked instead of told.
But thanks again for all your answers and taking the time out of your day to reply!

I'm in the exact same boat except my grandmother is married. She recently moved to Texas from Arizona and when I texted her to get addresses for her siblings that live out of state, she gave me her two best friends addresses. My response was "I am not inviting Sally and Jane. I do not know them and my list is at capacity." "Her response was, "Well they're my best friends and I want them to come. They think of you as a grandchild." What?? These people I don't even know. Nice try. I told her no and she threw a pity party and said "I guess I'll have to invite them another time to visit with me..." Yeah. You will! My wedding is not an expense paid reunion for you and your friends. Ridiculous. I'd tell your grandmother that plus ones unfortunately do not work that way and it's extremely rude to "bring a friend" to your own granddaughters wedding. She will know other people there. But maybe I'm just really blunt.

1) Do you want your grandma to come? 2) Is there anyone else she will know at the wedding and be able to enjoy the wedding with?

I usually hate random +1s and think its very rude for guests to assume they will be able to bring a date/friend to any wedding they are invited to. Weddings are expensive, and the purpose of the wedding is to celebrate the couple getting married, not for that couple to go into debt throwing a party for their friends to have fun at.

However I do think it is nice for everyone to have people they can interact with at a wedding. I've gone to a number of weddings solo where I didn't know any other guests and it was 100% fine, but they were similar in age to me and I was put at tables with people who shared common interests so I was able to make friends for the night pretty easily. If your grandma is likely to not have anyone to enjoy the wedding with and you really want her to be there and to have a good time, you may want to consider allowing her a plus one, especially if all the other guests are going to be much younger or paired off.

If you are confident that you have aunts, uncles, parents, or other grandparents that she is chummy with, then I think it's totally fine to put your foot down and let her know she isn't getting a plus one, especially if you are having a small wedding and she isn't contributing in any way. Weddings have changed a lot since 50 years ago, and grandma may not understand the cost or planning involved, that you are paying for it, or that you want it to be a small ceremony with only people who are closest to you.

You may also want to ask your parents (grandma's kids) how to handle the situation. If they think it's important that grandma's friend comes, they may offer to cover the cost of grandma's plus one just so grandma doesn't feel lonely.

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Oh just read this... sounds like a solid plan.

I too would be bothered if anyone "assumed" they were getting a guest to our wedding. It's a point of contention right now - my FMIL thinks my FH's sister should get a plus one, but she isn't dating anyone and our wedding is only five months away. I don't think we should have to pay for her to bring a date. Also she will be traveling, and is drama prone, and I worry she'll just bring some random guy up for the weekend and be totally sick of him by the time our wedding rolls around on Saturday.

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Yes! I admire and fully support your boldness.

View Quoted Comment I fully appreciate your bluntness. I myself am blunt as well. I was starting to feel like a jerk if I don’t let her bring best friend but she will be surrounded by tons of other family and people she is close with.

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You will not be a jerk at all! I'd budge a little if a friend that wasn't going to know anyone asked but your grandma will definitely have other people to interact with. Stand your ground

My mom did this to me. All of her kids and grand kids were at my wedding and it was a very small wedding (28 guests). I had actually invited a few of her friends who are like parents to me as well. She told me she was going to bring someone I didn't know at all. I allowed it. If it was going to make my mom enjoy the day more I really didn't care. Extra $26 and my Momma was happy.

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This! This right here.