My Fiancé's best man is a woman

I think that’s very strange. Not that it’s a woman but that you’ve never met her and they’ve been on dates. I would not be cool at all about that.

I would be uncomfortable as well. He should understand that. Especially since he admitted that he has feelings

I don't think you're crazy at all.. you have a reason to feel how you feel being that 1) you've never met her and 2) he had feelings for her. Yes he has the right to choose who he wants for his bridal party , but both of you should be comfortable with whomever the other chooses . I think you should have a conversation with him , and let him know you'd like to meet her. I think not saying anything will just lead to more feelings of being uncomfortable.

Because it’s weighing on you so heavy I think you should address the issue. Because you don’t want any issues when you should be realizing as it gets closer because she means enough to him to be the best man/woman then I think you should ask to meet her soon in person. You deserve to feel comfortable

This sounds exactly like the move "My Best Friend's Wedding" with Cameron Diaz and Julia Roberts. It's on Hulu maybe you should watch it haha. It might make you feel better. But in all honesty it probably means they're just friends if he wants her in your wedding.

I did not think about it until others brought it up, but actually, Hubby met only one of my ladies before 2 days before the wedding, or wedding day itself. And I met one of his brothers a few times, and one friend who lived near us, but the other 2 of his guys I met wedding day. We married 16 months after we met, and had both relocated shortly before we met. It is not uncommon to not know your SO's friends if you are in a different location when you meet. I only saw 3/4 of my ladies once during my 5 month engagement, when I travelled 7 hours for FMIL shower, and they came too. And the other, not at all. But everything went smoothly for selecting clothes, and we exchanged emails or talked. Nothing had to be done for the wedding. FI and I planned the wedding, not MOH or Best whoever, and friends took care of showers with no need for us beyond dates and addresses. I don't see why her being far away is any big deal. Unless you all went to the same schools, or all from one workplace, it is a pretty common occurrence for important people to be scattered. More and more as time goes on.

I’d also be uncomfortable, especially since he admits he used to have feelings for her. I think sharing your feelings and maybe discussing an action plan you’re both comfortable with (your fiancé introduces you two by Zoom, she does NOT get to stay with you nor is your fiancé to help her with travel arrangements, etc), to try and avoid some tension later on might help.


I think a while ago I read a similar story here and the fiancé went overboard helping out his female friend and in my opinion was being very disrespectful and inconsiderate of his fiancée. It was causing a huge amount of stress leading up to their wedding. I think talking about it now an help.

My FHs best man is a girl - she was his high school girlfriend and they're still best friends. Likewise, two of my bridesmaids are guys who I used to like. In our personal situation, we're both totally fine with this. As my FH cheekily says, "you won", and I tend to agree. Even if this person is someone your FH used to have feelings for, he isn't marrying her, he's marrying you. That said, I totally understand why it could be uncomfortable, especially if you're never met her. Would it be possible to ask to meet her? That could break the ice a bit and make the situation less weird.

Girllllllll, it would be a completely different situation if you KNEW her. But you don't know her and they went on some dates, you have every right to be upset and to say no!

View Quoted Comment I am late to the discussion but I echo this sentiment.

So my fiance's best woman is a lady he has been friends with for like, 7 years. Her and I have been friends for a couple of years. If he hadn't wanted to ask her to be him best woman she would have been in my bridal party. He and I have had some issues with a past best girl friend and so we have worked a lot on our trust. And honestly, his best woman is happily married and she and my fiance have never had any sort of romantic feelings.

Ummmmm that would not fly with me. First off, 5 years is barely a friendship. I’m thinking Best Mans and MOH’s are those elementary maybe secondary school friends. My MOH has been my sister for 23 years. While my fiancé and his BMan are going on 30 plus years. Anyway that’s just me and besides the point.


The bigger issue is you don’t even know if she has chapped lips. Not being funny but seriously you’ve never seen her face! how sway.... girl you are better than me. Bridezilla wouldn’t have come out but I would be asking and probing a lot of questions to the point of annoyance... maybe even a FaceTime just to calm my nerves.
You have every right to have that feeling in the back of your mind but I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. Talk it out and ask tons of questions.

I do understand your sentiments & why you'd feel apprehensive, but as you said you trust him 100% . I think you're overthinking things, just remember that he was completely honest with you about their past & never hid it from you (if he did that would be a whole new conversation lol). You not ever meeting her makes total sense if she's lived in a different state for many years, FH hasn't met all of my bridesmaids due to our busy schedules (up until now at least). If you are feeling some type of way, just talk to him & ask to speak with her as you want to try to form a relationship with the person who's set to be his best "woman" in the wedding. However remember, it's his wedding as well. Good luck

Okay sorry but that’s so ridiculous he wants a woman to be his best man that you have NEVER met before. First of all, a best man is the grooms best friend. I don’t think he should have a best friend of the opposite sex. The only girl best friend he should have is you. Also, they used to date like what the heck. All your feelings are completely valid and you should tell him that in a loving and respectful way. I don’t think it’s right. This is your wedding too and if it make you uncomfortable tell him so he won’t do it. He should choose a guy.

View Quoted Comment This. Try to make it work first, and if you still don’t feel okay with it after meeting her, talk to him about it.

Honestly if my FH wanted a woman he has said he had feelings for by his side when we were getting married.... we wouldn't be getting married!! lol girl that is not normal or healthy, nvm she is suppose to be so important to him enough to be his "best man" but you've never met? heck no i would not let anyone do me dirty like that!!

I think I would be uncomfortable knowing there were feelings before. Honestly though, I feel like you are both at the point where you should be able to talk. You're getting married, so you should be able to speak and come to an agreement together. And there should be no doubts about your loyalty to each other as partners and soon-to-be husband and wife. I mean, if something like this would jeopardize having a wedding at all, now is probably the best time to know- I doubt that it would be that extreme though. On the other hand, you may learn something about why he chose her as his best man. But as a future husband and wife, he should also be understanding of your feelings- we are all not the same in the way we think or feel- maybe he should put together a get-together. If she's truly his best friend, she would make herself available to meet you- or at least I know I would. Hope this was a bit helpful.

Emma, just got to shout out to you that I've read through this whole thread thus far (including all of your posts) and you sound awesome! It seems like you really understand and trust your relationship and are being a supportive fiance but also acknowledging your own feelings and resolving this in a way that both supports your fiance as well as your own well being. I applaud you for being so mature in this situation (especially because some of these other comments are super judgey or presumptive). I really hope you get to meet your FH's friend and it puts you at ease!

I think thats messed up. if my fiance did that id cancel the wedding but thats just me. theres no room for people used to have feelings for anywhere at your wedding and especially as a groomswoman

I cant believe he's picking someone you never met. Your wedding planning should be geared for BOTH of you. I'd be upset too.