My fiance wants a prenup???

We both have given a lot to this relationship. Yes, I've stayed at home for the past year because our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer. The biological father is not in their lives and he has on his own became a father to them. He wants to adopt after marriage. It has been an agreement between the both of us that me staying home is what's best all around right now. I pay for all the food every month plus all of our sons social security which is 1,000 a month go to bills. When I was working I have always contributed to rent and bills as well. I'm not freeloading by any means. I was a dental assistant for 6 years before meeting him.

I think you have every right to be upset. If you don't want to sign a prenup under any circumstances then its time to cancel your wedding. If you still want to marry him (despite the red flags you've listed above) I'd have an attorney look it over for you and start negotiations. The prenup can protect you too if worded correctly by an experienced lawyer. DO NOT SIGN without YOUR attorney giving you the go ahead.

I can see both sides of this having merit, but do not think you have a right to be angry. Some depends on your state laws. You gave up your home, yes. But since then, have you paid any cash rent equal to even half the cost of your old home, plus 50% of your utilities there? What you would have paid if still on your own? If not then he has earned enough to pay all maintenance and costs of utilities, insurance, and taxes, And your keeping the house homey and clean, cooking, errands, whatever, has been in lieu of paying rent and board (food and the cooking and serving, cleanup) for yourself and your two kids, for three years, while not his wife. . In most states, you have not paid in work any more than rent and all food, utilities, etc, would cost for you and your 2 kids in that three years. No other tenant doing work instead of paying cash, gets any ownership rights to the home when the arrangement ends. So in many states, you have only been doing your work toward current costs. He wants to clarify that, for good reason. In some states, it is controversial, if a man cohabits with a woman for a certain number of years, and includes her children in residence, for no rent other than specified work ( your housekeeping) , and the children's father has not made support payments, you have accepted being the sole support of those kids for long enough to now have child support til they are 18, even if you two Marr then divorce. And child support if figured on all joint income and assets at the end of your marriage. If you are in one of these states, if he has a clear statement at the end of your living together, before getting married, that he earned all the money, and you paid rent and the costs for you and the kids by contributing work in kind, and thus have no claims of ownership on his house, then if you marry and divorce in 2-3 years. The law will say, you supported those kids for 3 years with your in kind homemaking work. He only accepted responsibility for 2 years. They cannot say, he supported them completely for 5 years. That might be the difference between his having to pay half their support til they are 18, 5 year history, and you being responsible yourself to support them, since 2 years not a long commitment. And, should you marry and divorce after 5-7 years, they likely would require he pay child support to age 18. But to figure income, the value of his home would nit be considered something he must sell if he lost his job and that was the only way to pay child support. His before marriage, and if he alone paid upkeep and taxes, though you might get a little if you contributed to taxes etc. it could not become part of his assets for figuring child support of children not his to begin with. Only for purposes if supporting kids to have together. . Because in some states, a non-father can be forced to accept essentially foster children, his wife's children, as his to support even if the mother splits and takes them, only because their actual father did not pay, lots if states have gotten rid of that requirement. But lots of other states do it still. You have not mentioned that the children's father is paying for them. You did not get married before moving in. So his lawyer has probably recommended that he protect himself. In fact, the number of marriages that end in divorce is high. So your having not acquired any interest or rights of ownership while you kept house (with only things you did for him, not what you would have done for yourself and kids anywhere). because you were paying rent for 3 in that portion of work that was only for him, may matter legally in the future. If I were your FI, I would want that protection. But from your side, going in to marriage feeling like you were married since you moved in together, being asked to sign something based on if this marriage breaks up, would be a shock. If you refuse, he may take it as a sign, that in the future you will always make your decisions in self interest, nit thinking of fairness to him. So that might be a big red flag for him, not to marry. . Obviously, I do not know the law in the state you are living in, or might be living in if you divorce. So I can see both sides. But he is probably being wise. The smart thing does not always feel good, and there you have my sympathy.

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This is why I asked...there is always way more to the story than we could possibly know. I am so sorry about your son, I pray that he is beating cancer, because that is really what is most important here!

Your situation sounds about as stressful as it can get. I feel like the years where your kids are little area always the toughest...and adding an illness to the mix is huge. It sounds like your relationship has been tested and you might both be feeling the stress of it. I am by no means trying to insinuate that you are a free loader or that you can't support yourself, if need be. I wanted to know if he asked you to stay at home or if that was always the case, because that would change how I would feel about it if I were in that situation. It sounds to me like he is in it for the long haul, especially if he wants to adopt your children. You need to have an honest, open conversation about how the finances are going to go before you get married. It was very important to FH that we could combine our finances and function like a team...so we had to wait to get married until he got his finances in order. It was an awkward discussion at first, but we got through it and made it work.

Of course you are both contributing to the household but what would you and your kids do for money in the event of a divorce? It’ll be a lot harder for you to get a job if you’ve been out of the work world for years.

A prenup would actually mostly protect YOU. You’ll be entitled to some of his money in the event of a divorce. If you don’t get a prenup, you may be left broke and unemployed with 3 kids that he doesn’t owe child support to because he’s not actually their father.

Protect yourself! Do the prenup!

You have every right to be upset, if this was a concern of his, he should have brought it up earlier.

I also am a SAHM, two of our three children are not biologically his. I worked multiple jobs and held my own before we started dating, and I gave up all of that as well. My own place. My car. Everything, and I have been out of the work place for nearly three years now. We rent a home but we have since invested in a business TOGETHER (10k of my money) and I can tell you that if my FH brought up a prenup two months before the wedding, I would be very hurt and angry. Taking care of children and "not contributing financially" does not mean that you do not hold value. That being said, if there is even still time for a prenup, make sure it is made to benefit and protect you. Not just him and "his house" I can tell you that even though my FH is the bread winner, if something were to happen and he wanted me out of the house that I made and took care of, I would go insane lol. I'm sorry you're going through this so close to the wedding. Ugh.

So I spoke with an attorney about getting a prenup and realistically it’s not even worth it. There are so many ways to get out of them. Also the fact that u only have two months before ur wedding would be reason enough to void it. “You didn’t have adequate time to review it.” Also u both need ur own attorney or it definitely will be void so if he wants to drop a couple grand before ur wedding to protect a house that is already in his name, I guess that’s his prerogative. I wouldn’t be offended, divorce is scary and a reality with 50% of marriages ending that way. I never thought I would end up divorced from my first husband. I personally decided against a prenup because the attorney I spoke with (a coworkers daughter) specializes in breaking them apart and realistically she said they’re only worth if for like owning a business prior to marriage.

Since he wishes to keep the house and you sold your let him keep the house and you get a lump sum payment. The payment would be an amount pre set that would be comparable to the money you received from the purchase of the house. His timing isn’t the greatest and I am sure the fighting only makes things worse but you both need to figure out what is best for you.

As someone who has been divorced and is not remarried: GET A PRENUP!!! You have a right to be agitated that he brought it up now, not six months ago but please.....take this an opportunity to discuss, with as little emotion as possible, FINANCES. There is nothing remotely romantic about prenups, nor is there supposed to be anything romantic about about bill paying, lol.

My concerns for you: Get your name on the title of that house ASAP. If he drops dead of a heart attack his family can come in and kick you and your kids out. You may say, "Oh they would never do that" but trust me.....death and money do loopy things to people.

Do you have any money in just your name? If not, get some ASAP, lol. Do you have proceeds from your home, in terms of cash? Keep it separate.

Look, I never ever thought I would get divorced from my first husband, we had 17 years and two kids together. My new hubby and I are very pragmatic about money, we treat it like a business. We keep our finances separate, that is our choice, and we never fight about money.

Just protect yourself - get things in writing.

I hope your son is healing!!