My fiance wants a prenup???

I think if you’ve been together 5 years and lived together for 3 years and this has never come up before and he’s just mentioning this now a few months before the wedding, you completely have a right to be upset. He has a right to want to protect his assets, but this is something that should have come up before now. I would address your concerns with him calmly and see what he says.

I see so many people who just use their husbands as a "portfolio" and stash money away for the day they can leave and take it all. So I dont blame him. Not saying youd do that but it happens.

It shouldve been discussed earlier though.

I’m so sorry you are upset so close to your wedding date.
I think you have a right to be upset especially since he’s JUST telling you this. This is something he should have discussed a long time ago again ESPECIALLY since you gave up your own home to move into his. How exactly did he mention it to you? If you don’t mind me asking.

We have been arguing and almost called the wedding off a week ago. We are going to therapy. We both agreed we loved each other too much and will get past this. This is because of that. But how am I supposed to protect myself if I give up MY life to be a stay at home wife to him? What if he gets mad, can he put me out on the street?

I trust him 100%. I am giving up my career and leaving all financial sources in his hands. But I dont get the same trust in return? Is that fair?

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Honestly, that's a bad sign. If he came up with the prenup after this happened, then he doesn't have full faith that your marriage will last.

Talk to him about it, explain how you feel.

If he wants a prenup because you have been arguing, he doesn't think the marriage will last and he doesn't want to be screwed in the divorce process if that day comes.

That's an issue that needs to be addressed, if you almost called off the wedding from fighting he clearly doesn't think its a good idea either and is only doing this to protect himself.

Ok, he should’ve mentioned this earlier but I don’t think asking for a prenup is unreasonable. No one has ever said “I wish I DIDNT get a prenup.”

Who should prenups be reserved for? People who think they may get divorced? No one thinks they’re going to get divorced. A lot of people do.

Let him protect his home if it makes him feel better. How does it negatively affect you to do it, if you have no intention of leaving him? There’s literally no harm in doing it. There’s potentially a lot of harm in not doing it.

Wait sorry, I just read the comments so let me add.

The prenup is intended to protect you too. Talk to a lawyer. If he gets the house, a prenup will ensure that you get something else. It’s meant to protect both of you... the prenup wouldn’t just be “he gets the house” it would be a series of compromises, some of which are for your benefit.

My FH’s grandfather asked that we get a prenup because my engagement ring is a family heirloom on his side. We currently live in the house I purchased before we even started dating and after discussing this with my parents they don’t see any harm in it. We’re going to try and work it where he gets the ring back and I get the house or something similar.

Id be upset about this as well, being that you've lived in it longer with him together than he lived in it alone. And as you said have made it a home and he is just mentioning this. Have you guys brought this subject up while in counceling?

So he has taken on u and ur kids, u contribute nothing financially, u r totally depended on him and then he throws in he wants a prenup? Hmmm.....my FH is the bread winner but I have been independent well before him. I dont have to work but I do part time just to still have my own contribution. After we r married FH is putting me through school so we can build our empire together. Not he build it while i tag along for the ride. We understand that when WE build together WE will work harder to keep it. Doesn't seem like the 2 of u r on the same page at all. I mean r u ok with him having that much control and protection but u don't? On the flip side I understand him wanting to protect what is his especially since u dont contribute finacially. That gives him alot of power that it seems like he is going to use.

Do you pay towards the mortgage, or large upgrades to the home, or utility bills? I'm assuming the house isn't in your name then? If you don't pay living costs at all, I think it's reasonable. If you're investing money into the home and living situation, I would ask for the house to be half in your name. What if he (God forbid) passes away? Is the home deeded to you already?

This may be a moot point at this stage! Most prenups wouldn't be valid this close to a wedding. They have to at least be started way before! A lawyer may tell you it wouldn't hold up in court. I'm not a lawyer but I got one, both FH we're happy to set our own terms in case something goes wrong down the line!

Also, you'd have to get it reviewed by a separate lawyer looking out for YOUR interests. It's meant to be fair to BOTH parties. So if you have concerns it would go through someone you hired and paid to look out for you.

The emotion side of things varies from couple to couple, but this type of arrangement really isn't meant to be done this close to the wedding.

Are you and your FH on the same page about being a stay at home mom and wife? Do the two of you plan on having children together? I don't mean this as a criticism of you in any way, I'm just wondering how he feels about taking on the entire financial burden of caring for you and your (not his) children. I can see how he might be nervous that if something does happen to this relationship, he will lose the house and it's not even his kids who will be living in it.

I ask based on my conversation regarding a prenup with my FH. His older brother has a very negative opinion of women in general, which is where he got the idea he needed a prenup in case I decided to divorce him in the future and take our not-yet-existent children and all his money. I told him, "Look, when we are ready to have children, you want me to leave my career and be a stay at home mom and wife. But I will not do that if I do not have protections for myself. If I am expected to give up my career and ability to support myself based on my love for and trust in you, then you need to have trust in me that I would never do anything like that to you." After several discussions, we came to a comfortable resolution that we will postpone having children until I've paid off any of my personal debts, and we won't have a joint bank account until then either.

I would call a lawyer and ask for a consultation. I know in California there can’t be a prenup signed unless both parties have their own representation.

You both need to see attorney's. At this point and even after you are married, you have no right to the house if he dies, you aren't on the deed and he has no will. The two of you could have wills drawn at the same time the prenup is created. Most lawyers recommend that the prenup be signed at least 30 days before the wedding, so you still have time. Check that your state doesn't have laws that require a longer period of time.

Because you've lived in the house for three years, you do have the rights of a tenant. If you break up, he can't immediately kick you out. You would have the normal amount of time as any tenant to find another place and move.

Also, any assets acquired after the marriage would be jointly owned and you would have a right to a portion of those assets. It sounds like both of you really need to see attorneys to clear up a number of issues.

BTW, my H and I have a prenup. We are both professionals with several degrees, ownership in businesses and debt. Do we expect to divorce? No, but if something crazy happens, it's very clear what each gets and knowing that my source of income is protected is priceless to me.

I would definitely be upset especially because of the time you guys have already been together and you have brought your children to his home to be a family, to me personally that's accepting you AND your children to share his home without feeling like you'd strip him of it. It's one of those things where in a relationship you can already have a feel of who your significant other is. Now although we don't always know what can happen and people can change, but if he may have those thoughts leading to a prenup request, that can be hurtful.

It's a conversation he should have had in the beginning of the relationship to establish that ground and especially before he proposed because he could have been thinking about it. Unless if there is some side noise which is telling him to do it and the thought was embedded in him? And if it wasn't for you maintaining the home, who would do it for him? Stay at home mom's don't get enough credit in my opinion.

Having independence and your own is great BUT when you are entering a marriage if you are going into it with a single minded mentality, that's a big issue. "Two become one" and if we came this far we should learn to accept that because whatever one does it affects the other. I am sorry you were caught off guard with this. It's not bad to have in conversation if there are assets someone wants to protect but don't just dump it on the person.

Have you asked him if you get a part-time or something and contribute, would he still want one?

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I'm confused....have you already given up your career to raise your kids or is he asking you to? When you gave up your house, did you own the house, have equity in it, and have helped to pay for the house you currently live in with him? Or were you renting and now live with him? Do you contribute to the home bills? (these are not a digs at you at all....simply questions I would have to understand the situation better)

Being a stay at home mom is HARD. I give praise to those who can do it because I think it is one of the toughest gigs out there. Most women don't even have a choice to be one for financial reasons, so the fact that you all can afford to have you stay home with your kids is great. It sounds like this wonderful man has loved you and supported you and your children, and has agreed that you will be a stay at home mom. The fact that he wants to protect the only asset that he owns is not a bad thing. It's a smart thing on his part. I wouldn't read any more into it than that.

FH and I will not have one. He definitely comes into the marriage with more assets, but he had a huge amount of debt when we met and I worked along side of him to clear it up and helped him keep those assets, so he knows that I am in this for the long haul. Besides, when I left my ex, I didn't take a dime or any property from him. I just wanted OUT. I can support myself.