My fiance sees no point in buying a wedding band

I think you need to have a serious discussion abdout future budgeting and spending habits. He may intend to live/spend this way forever which doesn’t sound like your on the same page. We couldn’t wait to shop for wedding bands because of the symbolism of them. I’ve always been a saver but I do splurge from time to time. I would suggest premarital counseling.

Can u buy it yourself?

Not a fiance, but I had a dad that was a real penny pincher. It ruined my childhood. To this day, asking that man for ANY money at all is like pulling teeth. People really don't change.

I'm not saying to reconsider your relationship as I'm sure you love him and couldn't imagine living without him, but not buying a wedding band?! That just seems outrageous considering you two are getting married!

Have you sat down with him, shown him exactly how this ring will get paid, and to not have any worries about financially instability as a result of buying this ring? 1k is not a lot, especially when you are in a stable financial position. I feel like he's scarred from his school days.

I'm sorry this is happening to you! Just let him know that this will be something you wear every single day. So if you're 25 now and you live to be 90 then the cost of the $1000 wedding band will be literally pennies a day. Plus the fact that everyone will think you're just engaged even after the wedding since everyone knows one ring means engaged and two means married!

Well that sucks. I think under 1K for a wedding band that you're presumably going to wear for the rest of your life is very reasonable. That said, maybe consider buying it for yourself? An engagement ring is great, but adding a wedding band to it sorta seals the deal, and you'll want something to exchange during the ceremony. You guys are in a great financial position, I see no reason why you can't have a wedding band, which is a completely standard thing to have. It's really not something he should be getting angry over.

I also agree with PPs that you need to have a discussion about spending habits in the future. I mean, what's the point of making money if you can't enjoy it from time to time, when you've been so responsible and frugal, thus far? It's not really fair to you to expect you to continue to live forever like you have nothing, just because he actually had nothing for a while. I always take care of my responsibilities before doing anything fun for myself, but I'm totally team #TreatYoSelf from time to time! It's what makes working hard worth it!

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I see what you mean. He would get pissed if I bought myself something like that for sure. I knew we would always live frugally but I thought getting out debt would mean more wiggle room. Instead the savings obsession got even worse once we were debt free.

Lol... So really no one else out there had a fiance who 1. didn't know there was two rings and 2, just refused to get you one?

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to live like that LOL I need to have the freedom to splurge at the right times. My husband is definitely frugal and smart with his money, but he is also very focused on quality. Spending less doesn't always mean it's the best deal in the long run.

If it is important to you, he should understand and be willing to relax about the band. It sounds like you two are in a financial position that you can afford the band you would like.

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Yeah, that's wayyy to frugal for my liking. If you are ok with this lifestyle then you will need to know that hes not going to be willing to spend money. zero debt is great but i think there is more value in being able to manage money and life- going out to dinner, going on vacations, getting a facial, a nice suit.

I am assuming if someone wasn't paying for the wedding there would be zero chance of you ever having one?

also a good credit score requires a good revolving debt to payment ratio. having no credit or not using credit can be just as bad as having high credit.

First of all, congrats on being DEBT FREE! That's a major accomplishment. As a graduate student myself, I can only hope to be debt free in the future.

I would have a serious talk with him because it seems like he may be penny pinching forever. And I get it, because I'm the saver in my relationship. My fiance wants to splurge sometimes (and he makes more money than me), but I'm always SUPER cautious. We ended up talking about it and decided that as long as we are meeting our savings goals and paying down our debts as much as we can, it's okay to splurge every now and then.

Your fiance may just be wary from the grad school days. Nothing wrong with that, but he should consider your feelings, especially since you aren't without means.

Yeah, I agree with PP's that a serious talk is nessisary. Does he understand the importance of a wedding band vs an engagement ring? Is he planning on getting a band?

If sitting down just the two of you doesn't bring some more clarity and compromise, I'd suggest going to a relationship counselor to talk things through. A neutral third party can he very helpful.

Is he getting a wedding band of his own? Are you guys saving up for something else?

You need to have a serious discussion. Issues like this were the reason my first marriage failed. He never wanted to spend money on anything. Including vacations which is a hard thing to deal with when you work so hard. Get yourselves into premarital counseling. He’s going to have to learn to Compromise before you say I do.

My fiance doesn't want his own wedding band, but only because he plans on getting a tattoo, and even then he said he's okay with wearing a band until he goes ahead and gets it. I don't know if I'd be able to feel like my ceremony was complete without a band, even if it was a really inexpensive one. I think you two should sit down and talk about how important to you it is and what it symbolizes for you, hopefully that'll help him understand a little better. Maybe you two can meet in the middle, he wants $200, could you find one you love for like $500-$700 so it doesn't have 4 digits? Maybe the number is really freaking him out.

I read your post again and it seems he is somewhat misunderstanding the purpose of a wedding band and thinks you only want it to show off? A wedding band is a symbol of your commitment to each other. This definitely wouldn't be acceptable to me. My fiance and I split the cost of 2 simple gold bands for $650 total. Most of that price was the actual value of the gold.

Ok, so y’all follow Dave Ramsey! I’m debt free too! It rocks!!! Congrats!
But what he’s doing is ridiculous! As a couple you have no debt. Why can’t you have a wedding ring? Mine is a diamond pavé band and it cost $700. Maybe find one less inexpensive... but you will have to sit with your FH and talk about how you will both be handling finances once married. Y’all skrimped and saved to pay off the debt so you could ‘live and give like no one else’.
If he refuses to discuss finances, I would suggest a marriage counselor and maybe a visit to a financial planner to lay out your financial situation on paper to show him that y’all are on track. Some people go a little overboard on Dave Ramsey.

Congrats on being debt free!

However, I'm concerned about the frugality your fiance is exhibiting. I get it when you're saving for something (is he saving for a major purchase?) or you just plain have no money; however, the fact that he doesn't want to treat his WIFE well by buying you a wedding band (such a basic object of marriage) of your choice is only a sign of things to come. My H also grew up without much and learned the value of money very quickly. He has saved more than I have ever made and is frugal with his money (my car is much nicer than his for example). However, when it came time to spend on the wedding he bought me the ring I wanted, and two wedding bands (one diamond pave to match the engagement ring and a plain white gold band for everyday wear). We also paid for most of the wedding ourselves. He has inspired me to be better with my money; however, he never commanded what I could or couldn't do with it.

I have an aunt who married a guy similar to your fiance. They've now been separated for years/barely talk and I haven't seen him for years because he never attends any more family functions. Even if you can give the wedding band up for yourself, how do you imagine raising your future kids? It's ok to be wise with your money but honestly, when you die you're taking nothing with you. I'd just talk to your FH and ask him what are his monetary goals (besides save as much as possible) because there might be something going on you're not aware of. Other than that counseling (both financial and relationship).

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He keeps saying we have to be ready if he loses his job. His employer is funded through VC money and they have everything they need through the start of 2020. He keeps getting invited to apply at other companies. The industry is thriving but yes I realize that could change in a few years... which is why we aren't going out and buying BMWs.

I make less money but I believe I will always find work (accounting woop woop) in any city. I've never been laid off or fired even during the recession.

He keeps saying if we spend $1k on a ring it's $1k we won't have "when we need it." By that logic every dinner I eat now is a dinner I won't have later when I'm starving!

Deep down I know that it's just not important to him. He's spent way more on ski weekends for himself. He just doesn't see any value in it even if it makes me happy.

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Not my FH, but a previous boyfriend couldn't wrap his head around why you would spend so much money on a ring you wear UNTIL your wedding...He had no idea you wear your e-ring after the ceremony, he thought it was only meant to be worn UNTIL you get your wedding band. LOL, SMH

Money issues are a big thing for people in a relationship. This is something you guys are going to have to negotiate. He doesn't get to dictate what you do any more than you get to make all the decisions.

You need to find a mutually agreeable way to handle your finances.