My family seems completely uninterested in my engagement...

So today I mentioned this to my mother, in the sense of, "Hey, I feel we should really do a dinner or something so that you and dad can meet Gavin's parents." My mother's response? "Is this a requirement? Why do you want us to meet them? Why is this such a big deal to you?" I was seriously sitting on the phone, gaping, and trying to decide if I should explain to my mother how badly she had just hurt my feelings, and how the heck I would explain something that, in my opinion, should be screamingly obvious. And this has basically been her response to every engagement or wedding related conversation. (Cont...)

I think every girl hopes that she'll get to squee with her mom over her engagement ring, and cry over the dress, and things like that. I wasn't really expecting this from my mother, but I guess I was expecting a bit more enthusiasim then what I'm getting. When I told her I was engaged, she said "Ok", and later "I hope you realize your father and I won't be able to pay for anything." She seriously treated it like I was calling to ask for money or something. I'm so glad that I called my best friend first, or my own mother would have totally ruined the excitement of the moment for me...

Sorry this is so long. I guess my question is, is anyone else going through something similar with thier mothers', and how am I supposed to handle it? Do I tell her how much she's hurting my feelings by being so disinterested? Or do I leave it alone, and just grin and bear it? Or some other option I'm not thinking of?

I am in a slightly similar situation. When I first told my mom I was engaged her only was response was, "No...I don't want you to be." For the most part though, FH and my family get along really well. He, also, is at a job barely over minimum wage, but he does have plans for college this year.

I didn't tell my mom right away about her hurting my feelings, but when it came to certain things (like telling her plans or showing her DIYs) I let her know how rude she was being if she made a comment. The best way I am coping is simply leaving her out of most of the planning. I haven't taken/invited her to bridal shows and I don't plan on taking her to do any dress shopping.

I don't think it's best to grin and bear it, but I do think you should speak up. Choose your battles.

I am sorry. That sucks.

I think most parents just want the best for their kids, and it almost sounds like she's worried he won't be a "provider" for you. Money can be a huge stress on a marriage. But only you know if you are going to be happy in 10 years if your FH is still working a minimum wage job, if you guys have made plans for the future taking his income into account, or if you're secretly hoping he's going to change and move on professionally. Do you guys pay bills with his income now? Is it working? Are you okay with it? That's really what matters.

Is there anything else she doesn't like about him? How do your closest friends feel about him? Has your mom spent any time with your FH to recognize the qualities you love about him? I only ask b/c sometimes the people in our lives see things we don't want to see. I'm not saying that's the case, just asking if it is.

....even if she has valid concerns though, I don't understand her not wanting to meet his family, or saying what she did about paying for the wedding. Those just aren't nice things to say.

I'm sorry. You have a long time before your wedding. I know I've made choices in my life that my parents HATED until they realized it was reality, and I was fine, and there was nothing they could or needed to do about it. Time shows people those things, you know?

Good luck Jessyca. Show us your dress and ring. I love to squee over wedding crap!

My Mom was the SAME way when we first got engaged. I was sooo worried that she just didn't care and wouldn't get into it at all. Little by little though as things started getting planned she got more and more into it. She eventually started tossing her own ideas around. Now with the wedding only 9 days away, She knows EVERY little detail and loves being involved in everything. I lucked out in my case...but sometimes it does take a little while for them to get used to the fact that their little girl is growing up.

My mom was happy my FH and I finally became engaged (we'd been off and on for 5 years), but she didn't exactly toss confetti at first, either. Her first sentence after "yay congrats" was also something like "we can't pay for anything but we'll lend advice"! HOWEVER.....I did want her to come bridal gown shopping with me, since regardless of your relationship with your mother, it's a huge gesture of "Mommy, I love you". Plus, let's face it, mothers are picky about your appearance enough to make sure you definitely do not walk down the aisle in something ridiculous. Anyhow, my mother was kinda ehhh so-so in finding a gown....then I tried one on. And we looked in the big mirrors. And she started crying, and I started crying, and suddenly she was able to pay for the deposit! It was a great deal, and I was grateful. Next thing I know, she's looking at expensive veils and beautiful jewelry.... Basically, give your mom a chance. The best thing you can do is to (cont)

Include your mother in everything you can/want to, the greatest being your gown shopping. From what it sounds like, things just haven't quite clicked with her yet in the reality of it all. These things do take time, even for us brides. Even if she makes it hell for you, it's always best to be the better person. Keep her in the loop and important to the process. Years later she'll regret not enjoying this special time or (if she's anything like my mom!) she'll forget the parts where she didn't approve....but no one would be able to say it was your fault.

Wow, thanks for all of the great replies everyone!

Brittany, I have a feeling that I'll eventually have to have a talk with my mom about her behavior, but you're right, pick my battles.

Kris, my mom has actually used those words, about him not being a good provider for me in 10-20 years. We do fine on his income now, and although I do have some concerns about us not having any sort of retirement plans started, well, it's a minor concern ATM. My mother hasn't voiced any other concerns that I can remember. And my friends are all in agreement that Gavin and I meeting was the best thing that could have happened to us, lol.

Good Luck Bear, I'm sorry your mom isn't involved with your wedding. It sounds like you've dealt with what I'm just starting to see...

Leah & Nikki, I really hope you're right. It's only been two week, and I have over a year till the big day. I'm actually hoping to wear my mom's wedding dress, which she says she's fine with. Maybe it will sink in soon...

I can honestly understand your mother's dilemma. Mothers wants whats best for her offspring so her not jumping for joy is expected. I can relate with what you're going through. When I first met my husband, he was working a job that kept him "afloat". My mom was not interested what so ever, so when I told her about our engagement, she actually didn't respond. DID NOT SAY ONE WORD! Then whenever I brought up the wedding, she would purposely change the subject. After awhile, I stop mentioning it to her. We cancelled our wedding and eloped! When I came back, I showed her the Marriage Certificate and she told me that I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Fast forward 10 years later, my husband and I are still together and planning a Renewal of Vows. Today, in this tough economy, we own our own business. So don't give up on your love hun. As long as he has ambitions, it will work.

Oh, mom's. This a common phrase uttered between my FH and me. My mother was excited for our engagement, though her first response was "oh my gosh, so soon?" (We have been dating for year, that was in reference to that he asked permission the day before he proposed, reason being that my mom let it slip to my sister before she got married that her current hubby was going to propose.) My mom doesn't ask questions about the wedding, and told me she wants to wear a pants suit to a Key West wedding in March. In my case, this is all for attention. My mom can't stand to see anyone, even her own daughter, in the center of attention and no one "paying attention" to her. rather than her being able to focus on the happiness and being the mother of the bride, she attempts to find ways to attract attention to herself. It may be a realization that her wedding day is over, and she won't have another one, but it's no excuse. my solution has been (which sucks, but it's working) is to.. (cont)

Offer information to her to make her feel included. so far this has been the date (which i was interrupted on when I called to tell her), my colors, and the church. I plan to have everything in order, and then include her, rather than asking for her approval and opinon, because it will only hurt me in the long run. It's so far worked, but I am only 6 weeks into my planning. It sucks, our mom's are supposed to be there and happy for us, but at the end of the day, it is what it is, and as the other girls have said, as long as YOU and your FH are happy, that's it, and all that matters. Good luck!!

Jessyca, how old are you? And how long have you been with your fiance? If you don't mind me asking...

I am 43 been married twice and when I told my parents my dad said "again? you tried that and it didn't work" I was heartbroken. I have been with my FH for 5 years and you would think that they would be happy for me. My kids love him, he is a super provider. He built us a house that is HUGE but instead of being happy for me, my whole family is jealous because of the house we live it. I finally just stopped talking about the wedding and hope that my parents will be there and be happy.

Tammy, I don't mind at all. I'm 24, and my fiance and I have been together just over 2 years.

So, on that note... is it possible that she thinks you are "too young to get married", but maybe doesn't want to say that to her adult daughter? Us moms, we can have some pretty strong opinions about how "not ready for..." our kids are. Protective, sheltering creatures, we are.

I was pretty horrified by how my former mother&father-in-law reacted when we got married all those years ago. But now that I have kids of my own, I totally understand why they FELT the way they did (nothing justified that reaction, but that's beside the point).

Unless your mother was suggesting marriage to you, its quite possible she wasn't ready for you to take that step? =(

Also, us mothers will always hold our children's partners to higher standards... I want my daughter to marry someone with a GREAT job, not just a steady job. Because I don't want her to struggle like I have. And I want my sons to marry women who will make wonderful mothers for my grandbabies. And they better not make my grandbabies until THEY have GREAT jobs so that they can support their families without struggling. (I'm laughing at myself, over here...)

I feel your pain. Although my family didnt outright say it as rude as yours. They just plain seem to have forgotten about my existence. I live 9 hours away so i don't see them often. My sister that still lives near them is getting married next month so for the last year their entire lives have revolved around her. Every time I talked to them it was something about my sister and her fiance and his family or wedding plans... yada yada yada. Last time they were down to visit they were just going on and on about how PERFECT they are for each other. And they are SO in love and blah blah blah. I'm happy for my sister and all but it seriously made me wanna gag. But then ofcourse I said something about how when I get married I wanna do it like on a farm or something and their just like "Ya know kate you don't always have to listen to Curt".... Really?

They think he changed me and I guess he did rub off on me. I'm nothing like i was in HS... but who is!

Now they don't ask me about wedding planning or anything... nothing. They just call to talk about my sisters wedding. And i get it its next month theres going to be things to say and its going to take precedence. But then i'm in the middle of moving into my house which I told her 5 times i was doing that day and they call to talk to me about the bridesmaid gowns for her wedding. Um kind of in the middle of something.... Then a week later i get a call from my mom yesterday oh i shipped the gown to your apartment complex. UM mom i don't live their anymore. "Oh kate I don't know when your moving!" REALLY? I told her 10 times... ship it to my new house! gave the entire family my address 100 times. Still.

I've realized that they just don't care about my wedding. All they care about is that I don't elope.

My FMIL is more involved then my own mother. Its pretty depressing. Makes me want to elope anyway.

My family is the same way, when i told my mom the first thing out of her mouth was "are you pregnant?" which i am definitely not lol but they all have a general disinterest ability the whole thing. I am very tempted to elope......lol