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Just Said Yes September 2023

My family is torn on religious views

Caitlyn, on August 9, 2022 at 8:11 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 9
Hi everyone! Me and my fh are getting married next year. We are both Catholic alongside his parents (I converted from being LDS) my mother was raised JW then converted LDS and my father as well as my sister are Baptist.

When we spoke to the priest about this he advised we do not do a full mass since a very small few people attending (the expected number is 90-70 people) are catholic. We were okay with that. My FMIL is not happy about this. She says we need to do the full mass. My own mother respects my choice either way but would rather I don’t do a full mass as she agrees.
Does anyone have any experience with electing to not do the full mass?


Latest activity by Anna, on August 15, 2022 at 10:48 PM
  • Kelly
    Rockstar October 2023
    Kelly ·
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    Even Catholic friends and family whose weddings I've been to didn't have a full mass. It takes a long time and most people don't know what's going on.

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  • G
    Dedicated September 2023
    Grace ·
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    Personally, I'd recommend against a full mass. They're extremely long. I've only attended one weeding like that and it was rough to sit through. In addition, I've also been to a lot of weddings where the presiding pastor preached a sermon in the middle it. Those were also not enjoyable. These are obviously just my opinions.

    As far as the religious aspect, that's a lot of religions in the mix! Since only a portion of the attendees are Catholic, I'd not do the full mass. They're so long, and the pews get so hard. I was utterly lost the entire time when I attended the one wedding. It's nice that your mom is understanding. It'd be great if your FMIL was understanding. Since your FH is also Catholic (and it's his mom), do you think he could sway her? Or at least get her to be okay with it? Honestly, depending on how strongly she feels, you might have to accept that she doesn't like it, but will live with it. Good luck!

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  • Caitlyn
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Caitlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    He has been trying since day one to sway her from it as he didn’t want to put everyone through an hour or so of a catholic mass. She is saying that everyone there should be understanding that it’s our religion But I feel like that only Goes so far realistically… we were hoping the priest giving the okay on not doing a full mass and going so far as to advise not to would sway her in of itself but it did nothing. We’ve got a full year to try though lol.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag
    Personally I would just tell her you're not doing one and leave it at that. She doesn't have to like it, but he's not her wedding therefore it's not her choice.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle Online ·
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    It’s not mother in law’s wedding. Do what your priest is suggesting because he has expertise. A large portion of my family is Catholic and my generation and younger has chose not to have full masses and no one is upset by it. Do what works for you.
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  • Erin
    Rockstar May 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    My SIL is Catholic (not really practicing though) and her husband is Methodist. She didn’t want him to have to stand up there with his arms crossed while she and a bunch of other people took Communion. Her mother (now my MIL) wasn’t too happy as she was wanting the full Mass, but as it was her daughter’s wedding, and therefore her choice, she eventually had to come around. As long as you both stand your ground and your FH communicates calmly to her that this is the choice of BOTH of you, she will be ok.
    FYI I saw a previous poster commenting about the sermon during a full Mass, just in case it wasn’t known, the priest still does a sermon during the Mass without Communion form (at least at our Catholic church they do).
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  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    I think not having a full mass makes sense given the mix of religions. I'd say just stick to your guns, and either your FMIL will come around or she can spend the next year pouting lol.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I think it depends on how important your religion is to YOU and FH. If you're practicing Catholics and plan to be during your marriage, then I think it's odd if you dont' do a mass. It's certainly not required, but makes a lot of sense.

    An hour is not ridiculous to sit through. I have been to SO many wedding in the last 15 years and the vast majority have been Catholic mass or religious services that last at least 40-60 minutes and those who aren't that religion are totally fine. Don't let either mom sway you, this is one area where you truly should only think about yourselves.

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  • Anna
    Beginner July 2023
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    It is your wedding, so do what you want! If it does not feel right to you to do a full mass right now, then it will feel even more wrong when you are spending that extra time doing it on your wedding day and you may regret it later, possibly building resentment toward FMIL. Trust your gut, be honest with how you feel, and make the choice you won't regret later. You cannot always please everyone for your wedding, but it is your wedding so the person you need to honor is yourself and your FH.

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