My family is taking over my wedding.

At this point I would threaten to uninvite them if they didn't stop.

I would stop planning with them. If they aren't paying for it they really have no say so just stop telling them stuff. I know wedding planning can be stressful but it should be a happy time right now. Don't let them or anyone else ruin it for you!

I'd like to, but because they are paying for 90% of the big ticket things I feel obligated to consult them rather than just say 'Here, write this check.' I'm really grateful for everything that they are offering me, but it is getting out of hand. My sister on the other hand, I am going to try to stop talking to all together, but because we see each other 5-7 days a week it is really hard.

Anything I can just make myself, I am making myself because then I have some control. This helps with some stress, but adds more because of the number of tasks I've added to my agenda.

The roller coaster of emotions that goes with this process is intense! My mother was actually on my sister's side about her wearing a wedding dress. She said 'if you really wanted her to look beautiful you'd let her do it. I know this is your day, but everyone will know you're getting married even if you're not the only one dressed in white.'

I know that it is going to be beautiful, but I really wish that this was more like dominos where everything just fell into place rather than this uphill battle.

Have you told them how you feel? You'd be surprised how far communication goes.

Decline their money and pay for your wedding yourselves. They sound awful.

If they are paying for it I would tell them to no longer pay for it due to the stress they bring with it. I know it seems nice at first when family offers to pay for the wedding but that means you have to take their opinions too. If you and FH are paying for it then distance yourself from them when it comes to the wedding. You can even say well I will just go elope or better yet don't come to the wedding cause it will not be what you want. If they b love you enough they will stop all this and start being supportive. You just have to put your foot down.

From seeing your update their money is not worth the stress. Pay for it yourself and be stress free.

Honestly the only way to get out of hearing their opinions is to pay for it yourself. It sucks, but that might be your best option. This sounds like way more stress than its worth.

Communication is probably not my strong suit! At least when it comes to family. I definitely am going to make more of an effort to make my opinions clear. My final response to the bridal party wearing wedding dresses was 'I don't want to look like I'm part of some creepy cult wedding in the pictures' and that wasn't enough to stop the complaining, but it did mean they left the store without a white dress!

Honestly, the dream was a potluck/bbq back yard event where everyone just got to dance or lounge in the pool all together. Now we're talking 3 course sit down. I am the oldest, so I get that this is a big deal for them, but when I told Dad I want to make things like invitations, center pieces, and party favors, he just goes ahead and buys them, or sends me emails about how that's not an appropriate choice.

Now I'm going back and forth between thinking that they're not as bad as I'm making them out to be here and that they love me and then realizing that I haven't even described half of it. Ugh! I really appreciate all of the support. I'm just going to have to be clearer that what I want is going to be perfectly lovely and way more cost effective than anything they're proposing.

My parents are doing some wonderful things though, like flying in my finance's family who hasn't seen him in 4 years and hosting them for about 2 weeks. And then on the other hand... Dad is also trying to cancel my honeymoon saying that its rude to send guests home after the wedding, but I thankfully FH's family is on my side there and is insisting on leaving!

Oh - and to update - Dad has already put down the retainers on most of the vendors. I am totally stuck with them. I just need to find a way to work around them and to handle the stress! If I had known this would happen a few months ago, I would have done this completely differently!

It sounds like because your dad has money in this, he wants everything to be nice because it will reflect on him. I'm sure your handmade decorations will be beautiful, but honestly i'm glad they steered you away from the potluck.

I'm sorry that theyre approaching it in a rude way, though. If you and your FH cant pay for it yourselves, youre stuck with their opinions unfortunately

Wait so why did your name change..?

Like I said talk to them and tell them what YOU want. My mom is paying for our entire wedding. I ask her opinion on things and she's honest. But when I say no this is what I want she doesn't put up a fight. She wants that say to be about me and FH. Just explain how you are feeling and what you want. If they are anything like mine they will respect that. You just need to let them know.

Well thank god the "dream" of the potluck wedding died. Yikes.

OP changed her screen name for privacy reasons. The comment above that mentioned her previous name was flagged and removed for her privacy. Nobody broke any rules, but please respect the request and don't comment with her previous name. Thanks everyone!

The use of the word 'potluck' might have been misleading. My family hosts BBQ parties all summer for 100-150 people. Those are the same people who are invited to the wedding, so I loved the idea of just getting married at one of those parties when we'd all already be together. We provide all of the alcohol and the main courses for the parties and people bring desserts and sides - I figured they could do that instead of presents as I didn't want a wedding cake anyway, and can't think of anything I want as a gift. I can't afford to host everyone myself, so this seemed like the perfect way to get all of the people I love together without too much additional fuss. The dream was centered around a very simple, low key event with a quick ceremony and lots of margaritas.

Now we are putting up a 4400 square foot tent with 25 tables and the latest call from Dad was saying that he was going to order about 10,000 balloons because balloon arches will make it feel more like a wedding.

Maria, thank you for this. It is always enlightening to see how very long a poster can get away with a completely made up story w/o anyone calling b.s.

I know the sister wearing the wedding gown was supposed to be the diamond in the crown, but I liked the part where she carried your bouquet around and made elephant noises the best.

Bravo, my dear. BRAVO!

You have to put your foot down. Everyone was trying to take over mine and we had to put our foot down and say we are doing this way, this is how we want to do it. I also don't agree with the whole "they pay, they say" crap that is spouted off alot, because honestly if someone is offering you to pay they should want you to do things they way you want to, not just pay so they can plan the wedding they never had or some crap.

Honestly honey, you could have a talk with them about your ideas and that this day is a celebration of love YOUR way. Do it with love but be honest. If they react badly, let them. If they say anything about withdrawing financially, let them. My parents are helping out with 60 percent and have not offered any ideas except to love on what FH and I have chosen. You do not need their validation or finances to have a beautiful day. Since you're so close, you might want to let them have their way on things that are not as important and have your voice on things near to your heart. Sorry you have to go through this. .. it sounds like they feel it's ok to bulldoze you. Let them know that it is not ok. Best feeling in the world speaking your truth in a kind loving manner. How they react is not your business..... or if they pull money. ... face reality and accept what choices are available.

Elope