My family are making it impossible for me to enjoy my big day. & are being selfish.

I believe by your previous posts, you’re in the UK correct? From my understanding, in the UK it’s customary for the couple to purchase the wedding party members’ attire. While I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla, I don’t think it’s anyone’s responsibility to help you plan your wedding and I don’t think they were out of line to say not to have bridesmaids if paying for their attire is an expected thing where you’re from.

Did you already tell your bridesmaids that you’d be paying for their dresses? If so, it would be rude to go back on that offer.
I don’t think you’re being a “bridezilla,” but you should also keep in mind that it’s no one’s responsibility to plan your wedding but you and your FS. There’s no need to discuss bridesmaids attire with your mom anyway.

I’m from the US so I don’t know what’s custom in the UK. Although technically nobody needs to help you, it would be nice to have a sounding board so I can understand your disappointment. We’ve tried to include both sets of parents in the planning so everyone is happy and no surprises on the wedding day. We’d rather everyone get their opinions and judgements out now than deal with it closer. I’m not sure if you’ve spoken to your bridal party, but maybe ask them if they are comfortable buying their own dresses? Explain the situation to them and let them decide?

The only people affected by you not being able to afford BM dresses are BMs, not your mom or anyone else. So I would talk to the BMs & let them know what the situation is & see how they feel about it. If they can wear whatever red dress they want then they maybe won’t even need to spend any $ because lots of women have a red dress in their wardrobe.

I personally don’t think anybody should be expected to plan your wedding except you & FH. It’s nice to have your family excited about it & wanting to participate, but I wouldn’t hold it against them if they are not. Just enjoy your planning with FH & don’t stress about other people’s opinions.

If it is the norm in the UK for the bride to pay for bridesmaids dresses, I can understand, especially if any of the bridesmaids are relatives, mom being embarrassed. If this is the norm, maybe you could compromise and tell the BMs it is fine if they all wear a black dress that they already own (I assume every adult woman has a LBD, little black dress). Maybe you could buy matching scarves or pashimas for them to wear to tie them in.

I've since calmed down a sorted things,
I've decided to purchase the dresses,
I have brought my 2 M.O.H's and 1 of my child bridesmaids a dress.

I used amazon for them and my MOH's love them plus they look like a standard red dress that can be worn for other occasions.

I'm from the US and I've always thought it was incredibly tacky and rude that people ask (or tell!) their bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. I paid for my girls and believe that all brides should even though it is definitely not the norm in the US. If you are in the UK though, it is absolutely customary for brides to pay for their girls dresses.

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In the uk i was told when i first started planning that the bridesmaids paid for their own...

but it's all good now i'm sorted ... theres 2 more i'm waiting on but the mum hasnt got back so i dont know if they are going to be bridesmaids or not

I'm from the US, so I'm not sure what would be considered "proper etiquette" in the UK, but I've read several articles that say it is traditional for the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses. I'm having three bridesmaids and one bridesman, and they are all responsible for buying their own dress/suit and shoes (like you I was very flexible with attire, I picked the length of the dresses and the colors and let them pick whatever they felt beautiful in). As their gift, I am going to pay for their hair and makeup, and also buy them simple jewelry/cufflinks for the big day. That being said, it is YOUR wedding, who says you have to be traditional? As you've already said, you are paying a lot of money for them to have a nice evening, and my bridal party fully expected to have to spend a little bit of money to be in the wedding. That's just my take.

Just an update,

i ended up buying the bridesmaids dresses as it caused a lot of painful agro.I found 3 dress for cheap (but look amazing)

adult bridesmaid dresses @ £10.99 and the petal dress £16.00

View Quoted Comment Those look great and they were not expensive. Glad you found something affordable.