My daughter wants the cash instead of a wedding reception

View Quoted Comment Thanks Emily! Yes, the pandemic is tough. She started wanting a day and venues are late in getting back to us because they are not in and it’s already stressful!

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Oh yes, weddings in Philly/NJ are a bit more...we're in Lancaster PA so it's a little less than your area. I think a backyard celebration can be fun and beautiful!

We're a bit older as well and decided on what was important to us and what we could save up for and afford. We're having a very intimate wedding (now vow renewal and celebration with about 25-30 guests as we will be eloping with our parents). We're splurging on some things like the food and the photography and cutting expenses where we can like not having a DJ/MC and just playing a playlist during dinner.

I completely understand and appreciate where you're coming from and it's wonderful that you're able and willing to help with the house! I'm sure they will truly appreciate everything you're doing.

When I was young, my parents always threw it out there that I could have a big wedding / reception with a minimal honeymoon or I could have a small wedding and big honeymoon. I always went with the small.

Even today, I'd rather have the money for a home versus reception.

My parents offered my FH and I money about a year ago to either put towards our house or our wedding. We decided to take it then and bought our house. It solidified our early career finances and made sure we did not have to go into any additional debt. We have also had two years (since then and til next may) to put together about the same amount in savings for our wedding, for which we are being pretty frugal. I think my mother did feel as though she was not contributing in any way towards our wedding, so I suggested she could perhaps buy me a veil. She took it a step further and actually is sewing me an incredible veil that I will cherish.

View Quoted Comment Best of luck to you guys! We talked it through today and they definitely don’t want a traditional wedding.

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That's great you got on the same page! Best of luck to you all!

My dad offered this to us and we said no, I really wanted a wedding. But I think if we didn't make much on our own and were more desperate financially (we owned a home and two vehicles) we may have taken it. I just couldn't imagine not having a wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your response! They decided to take the money and have a micro wedding in the house!

Also the MOB.... When daughter and SIL got engaged, we gave them a specific dollar amount we were comfortable spending and said they could use it however they wanted: traditional wedding, small wedding and cool honeymoon, elope & put the $ toward their down payment savings -- their choice. Daughter had her heart set on a traditional wedding and SIL was fine with whatever she wanted. The amount we offered them ended up covering about 80% of the total cost of the wedding (So Cal... ). FOG offered them an amount that covered about 15% and they paid the final 5%. From the beginning we wanted them to have a specific $ amount so they understood we couldn't just do a blank check. Daughter worked REALLY hard to stretch every penny to have their dream wedding -- an excellent life lesson!

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Oh my gosh. I'm paying for my wedding alone and gulping at $20,000!! I mean, I can understand but that amount I can't understand how it could amount to that. I'm in Los Angeles - that would barely be a down deposit haha.

View Quoted Comment I know, right?! We’re in Orange County. Also crazy expensive. I was planning my wedding at the same time, and even though we went waaaay over our original budget, we had two amazing separate wedding events for $30K. I was thinking, “Daaaang, we would still have $70K for a house if we were gifted $100K!” 🤑🤑🤑

My dad offered us an amount of money, I plan on using it for the wedding, my brother was offered the same amount but used it for his house.

Thank you all for your input. My daughter and her fiancee decided to take the money for a down payment on a home. Instead, we will have a ceremony and brunch at the house with immediate family. The bride has 4 siblings with husbands or significant others, and the groom's parents and two brothers. All in all, we'll be about 22 folks, so she'll have a day to remember and a house!