My daughter wants the cash instead of a wedding reception

One of my best friends and his wife chose to take money from the bride’s parents for a down payment on a house, in lieu of a wedding. They just wrote them a check for them to deposit into their account. That was nearly 10 years ago, and neither one of them regrets it.

Actually this kind of happened to me. My husband’s parents offered us money but the money that they offered for the wedding was pretty much gonna pay for most of the wedding so instead we said no and they ended up giving that to us towards our home

This didn’t happen to me, we paid for everything and I think it’s so sweet and generous of you to offer that for your daughter. My thoughts are if she’s mature enough to make the commitment to marriage, she should be mature enough to decide if she wants cash or a reception. If she regrets it later, she knows she’s responsible for that decision, and maybe she can save up for a vow renewal.

I know someone who gave their daughters a budget and said any amount they came under they would write them a check for. Seemed to be the best of both worlds. Both girls really kept a low key wedding/reception. And then they got money to put towards a home or honeymoon

This is beyond my comprehension lol. I have no help with the wedding costs. If my parents offered, I would accept. If they offered help with house payment instead of wedding, I would maybe accept. I don’t expect any help for either sets of parents, but I most certainly would not ask for money towards a house instead of a wedding. But if the parents suggested it, i would consider. Honestly the thought of anyone else putting money into our home.....seems.....well risky lol. I just wouldn’t want to have that over my head hahha

Honestly, if we were offered that deal, we probably would've taken the cash for a home instead. Both of our parents contributed to our wedding. We initially wanted to do the court house and then a very small dinner with immediate friends and family because we knew we couldn't afford a more traditional wedding, especially not in our state (NJ), but my in-laws really wanted us to have a traditional wedding and offered to cover some of the costs. When my parents heard that his parents were giving us some money for the wedding, they did the same. We loved our wedding and it was lovely, and I'll cherish the memories forever. However, at the end of the day...it was a day. We figured we could always do a vow renewal down the line when we were both making more money if we regretted not having the fancy reception. A house is something long-lasting that you can build tons of memories in as you build your life together.

My mom is paying for our wedding. We were supposed to have the big wedding this summer, but had to postpone it to next year. At this point, my mom told me that if we can’t have the wedding next year, she’s ok with us postponing again OR giving us the money so we can put up a fence and install a patio in our new backyard. With the constant stress, I’m so tempted to do the fence and patio option 🙄.

My in laws and parents both offered to cover the wedding, because we got such a good deal on an all inclusive venue. We decided to decline the money for the wedding and wait to use it for our house.

Uhhh, given the stress of doing a pandemic wedding I'd say I really wish I'd just used my parent's gift to pay down part of our house. 😉 That's a very generous offer!

A young colleague was given $100K for her wedding and I can’t believe the couple spent it on a wedding instead of saving at least $50K for a house down payment. In CA, $50K isn’t even enough. 😮

I am also a Mother of the Bride. Way back when, my parents offered us a set amount of money as a wedding gift when we decided to get married. They wrote a check for the amount to be deposited into my account. We were told we could use it to pay for a wedding, take a fabulous honeymoon, save it for a house, etc. It was our decision. We were young and wanted the party so we had a large wedding reception that used all the money. Looking back 38 years later, I would have eloped to Vegas for a small intimate wedding/honeymoon and saved the rest.

Our daughter will be getting married and we offered her the same deal. She is deciding what she wants to do. I'm fine with whatever they choose.

Asked this exactly and was told nope, can only be for a wedding. Parents sometimes...

Honestly, if they’re asking for the money towards the house, I think they won’t regret it.

My future in laws helped us with a down payment on our house, which we purchased before planning a wedding. Now we are planning and paying for everything wedding related. We made it clear to both our parents that we don’t expect or want them to pay for a thing. This is for us as much as it is for them, and we want it to be special for them. We’re not having a big wedding by any means, but we are selecting the things that are important to us and how we want to treat our guests, so we’re having an intimate affair so it keeps everything in proportion with our finances. We’re very fortunate and grateful for our parents’ support and the fact that we have been able to save for a wedding we will surely love and enjoy.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Hannah! I’m in NJ too and have 4 daughters. Two had the big wedding day, which were beautiful days, and I’m sort of relieved that this bride wants money towards a house. The last, and second oldest daughter, is getting engaged soon and wants a historic wedding in PA. Two weddings would have been be too much! I really appreciate your input!

View Quoted Comment Awesome! Thank you so much for your comments! They help!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Shelley. I had a similar offer from my parents. I probably should have taken the cash instead of the big day, but 38 years ago wedding planning was different . It was an opportunity for my dad to show off to his friends and I didn’t have too much of a say.

View Quoted Comment Having hosted two weddings already, I’m all about negating some of the bridezilla moments and tears! I just wanted opinions on how couples, especially women, regretfully missed the big wedding . Yes, we parents can do strange things sometimes! lol

View Quoted Comment Awesome!! Thank you sooo much! The bride did say they would have a small reception for our very large family in their backyard!

View Quoted Comment Wow! Crazy! We’re in NJ where the going rate for a beautiful wedding is substantial, but it doesn’t have to be 100k! Thanks for your input!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Marisa! Even though they’re a little older, I’m not sure they’d be able to get a house without the help and we can’t help with a wedding and a house. So money instead of the big day is probably a good thing!