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Savvy May 2021

My College Bestie is trying to decline being a bridesmaid.. i was her moh

Amanda, on October 24, 2019 at 3:23 PM

Hi! I am in need of some unbiased advice So 2 years ago my best friend from College got married and I was her MOH. It was a lot of work and very expensive because she only had 3 bridesmaids, and frankly asked a lot of us. After all was said and done I tallied up the cost and my fiancé and I spent...

Hi! I am in need of some unbiased advice

So 2 years ago my best friend from College got married and I was her MOH. It was a lot of work and very expensive because she only had 3 bridesmaids, and frankly asked a lot of us. After all was said and done I tallied up the cost and my fiancé and I spent $5k on her wedding festivities. Keep in mind I was only 3 years out of college.. so that was A LOT! I did it because I love her and wanted to make her happy. We were asked by the bride to throw a shower for her side of the family (Boston), plan a destination bachelorette party (Boston), go bridesmaid dress shopping in Boston a year in advance and then a destination wedding in Maine. I live in Texas so expenses added up very fast...

Anyways now it's my turn and so I was planning on making her my MOH, as I was for her, but of course wanted to ask for her thoughts before really asking. So I started by asking how she would feel about being in my wedding and was Floored by her response. She said she was really glad I asked because her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant so she wasn't sure if she would be able to. I was in total shock and honestly speechless... I know plenty of girls who have been in weddings pregnant, in fact she had a pregnant bridesmaid. She said she would think about it and let me know. So we talked about a month after and I asked again.. framing it that if she were pregnant and her Doctor wouldn't let her travel I would totally understand and expect nothing of her & write her in as an honorary bridesmaid. She said that was very sweet of me and would get back to me. It's been 2 months and I have barely heard from her. She said she wanted to be there for me to help and return the favor like I did for her... but it's been crickets. I am so frustrated! I want to call her and take back the invitation and let her know how much my feelings are hurt AND HOW MUCH I SPENT ON HER WEDDING.. But I have just been avoiding her because every time I think about it, I want to cry and I am shaking as I type this...

Thanks girls! Appreciate your insights

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24 Comments

Savvy May 2021
Amanda · on March 22, 2024 at 12:27 PM
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We haven't spoken since she texted me that rsvp change. It hurt so much I had to just move on.. not let it consume me. It was the last thing I needed one month out..
CM · on March 22, 2024 at 1:41 PM
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Yes, she should have called but my guess is she knew you would give her a hard time. IMO you are being unreasonable. Times and her circumstances changed, dramatically She’s a married woman now with a husband, a baby and expenses that she may not have had before, not to mention a partner who has an equal say in their finances. Just the fact that she lives far away is an obstacle. Weddings are not tit for tat.

You were under no obligation to do any of the things you did for her. All of that was voluntary and optional on your part. There’s no entitlement here.
There were still plenty of people not willing to travel or attend a big social event in May of ‘21. If she, her husband, or place of business had issues with that it was understandable.
Savvy May 2021
Amanda · on March 22, 2024 at 2:21 PM
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Lol there is nothing to disagree on. Stop trying to make drama out of something that’s done and in the past. She is not a friend to me. We haven’t talked since she texted me she was no longer attending…. I had nothing nice to say so decided to let it go and move on. I was heart broken. I remember how she felt during her wedding after getting a few last minute declines. Your response to me has is flat out rude CS and unnecessary. It seems like you’re trying to discount the pain and hurt I felt just one month out from my wedding. Shame on you. Real friends are there for you.. she never called after I postponed my wedding to see how I was doing. I sent her a baby shower gift and was invited by her to her shower which was a few months before my original wedding date in 2020. I even sent her a gift for her daughter’s first birthday, which she never acknowledged or thanked me for. When a friend doesn’t invest into the friendship and it becomes totally one sided it’s healthiest to let that friendship fizzle. I have an almost 2yo and can sympathize with how much your life changes but if I had a good friend getting married I would find a way to be there. One sided friendships aren’t healthy and it’s clear to me it was that because I haven’t heard from her in 3 years. We sent her a baby shower invite as an olive branch and crickets. So thanks for your opinion, but I’m good. 👍🏻

Savvy May 2021
Amanda · on March 22, 2024 at 9:00 PM
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I suggest you look at the thread again. Someone new commented then I replied agreeing with her. Nobody asked for your opinion and don’t appreciate your cyberbullying. Who are you to judge if I have moved on?