My brother won't let me bring my boyfriend to a destination wedding, how do i deal with this?

Considering you’ll have to take significant time off of work and spend thousands of dollars, he’s essentially telling you that you can’t take a vacation with your SO for the year then, so I’d call him on it. That’s rude and ridiculous.

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@S

Thanks! Soo true. I have nooo idea why he's trying to solidify a guest # this early. You're right so much can happen. And yes as much as I love this guy, we never know what might happen, we could break up who knows why. Although it's unlikely that I can't get the time off work, I still can't guarantee it. I could just use that as a reason without even mentioning my SO.

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@THe Nuptials
Other than agreeing to coming to the wedding, our parents staying out of any of his plans cuz he's never been one to consider other people's thoughts or feelings. It's all about him. I feel really bad for the bride... she seems to have no say in anything.
LOL ya the switch isn't a bad idea!

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@Bailey
OMG THANK YOU. 100% Time is not the one and only measure of quality and degree of closeness in a relationship!!

View Quoted Comment For my FH and I it is more about the fact that we are doing DW and want to be surrounded by people who we are close to that day. If we were to do the traditional wedding I wouldn't mind it and give anyone who is single a +1 and make sure to include people in relationships so they are both listed in the invite. But we are set at a limit of people so anyone who gets a relationship after RSVPs (our resort needs them earlier than the 8wks before along with flights and rooms needing to be booked) we would ask them to be understanding that we had given numbers in already and cannot accommodate extras for day of but would love to spend time with them and their new partner throughout the time they are at the resort. That is the only reason we don't want to include ppl without a longer relationship. I also think we have 2 or 3 people who are single and have been for a very long time with no relationship status change to be seen in the near future.

But I do get what you're saying about the status of healthy relationships at a smaller year mark!

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In a way I think that inviting significant others is MORE important for a destination wedding. Many people have limited time and money, so a destination wedding might be the only vacation they can take for a year. Thus, if the SO isn't invited, they might have to choose between attending your wedding versus taking a vacation with their SO that year.

But I think most people understand that you need to finalize numbers at some point and wouldn't expect to be able to bring someone whom they were not in a relationship with at the time of the invites / RSVP (assuming the RSVP is something more reasonable than 1.5 years in advance of course). I think someone who is already in a relationship at the time that invitations are sent is very different from someone who enters a relationship after a reasonable RSVP date.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree! Anyone in a relationship at the time is deffly invited (just due to the fact that barely anyone is single given our list). If they are just starting a dating thing, I would be much more hesitant just because a wedding together may be seen as a huge step. As far as OPs brother is going I am baffled at the need for 1.5 yrs advanced notice (we are sending STDs just under 12 mos ahead since most people are wanting to save money). If they are refusing to offer a plus one (since bestie seems to get her own invite) I would be needing a conversation about things. I can sort of see both sides but am more in agreement with OP on the absurdity of things.

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I'm sorry, but this is completely incorrect from an etiquette standpoint. People need their SOs and plus one's significantly MORE at a DW than at a local wedding. They need a travel partner, somebody to split costs with, a familiar face at wedding events, etc. I can't imagine bringing my SO to a wedding where he had to be alone for an entire day and night while I attended wedding events and got to drink and eat and party while he was by himself. That is abominable.

I am having a destination wedding, in a castle, in Spain. All of our guests had their significant others invited by name, and those not in a relationship got plus ones. Even the guests in high school, because we didn't want anybody feeling uncomfortable or awkward at any point. And our guest list is very small, but we made sure that we budgeted to accommodate our guests correctly. So if your brother can't afford to invite 60 people plus their significant others, then he needs to invite less people to make sure the people he is inviting are treated correctly. As for what I would say to him- I would flat out tell him that he won't get my official RSVP until next year. No vendor needs numbers a year in advance.