My brother won't let me bring my boyfriend to a destination wedding, how do i deal with this?

How do you know they won’t have the opportunity to meet within the next year? If at this point, you have only been with your SO six months there is no reason that they can’t meet within the next year.

I would RSVP for 2 and not give the plus ones name. It’s 15 months away. There is plenty of time for your brother to change his mind.

If he were my brother I would call him on the "capacity" excuse. If there was room for a friend, there is room for your boyfriend.

I would tell him that my boyfriend and I would be traveling together, and if he wasn't ok with that, unfortunately I would have to miss the wedding, but wish them well.

Your SO may not be invited to the wedding but can he still make the trip with you? Your brother can't really dictate your travel party. The only say would be who is at the wedding and at wedding events.

But very rude of him in my opinion.

Your feelings are not unreasonable. I would be upset by this. I would talk to your brother again, your boyfriend is your significant other, and must be invited together. If he doesn't hedge, wish him the best, bit you won't be there.

Where are your parents in all of this? Can they have a chat with him? The RSVPs for now are so silly as people will drop off as they get into 2019 LOL. I would probably RSVP and when the best friend ‘can’t make it’ BF will step I . It’s shady yes. But I wouldn’t be going without him.

I completely get why your brother would say no to a SO you have been with less than a year. It is a bit ridiculous that it's a year and a half our for RSVPs. I am doing a DW in May 2019 and haven't sent STDs yet even. A lot can happen in a yr and a half between relationships, finances, and health.

We aren't extending +1s to our guests who have less than 1yr relationships by the time invites are sent. So anyone who does have a relationship at the time is more than welcome to bring their SOs to the resort (for vacation) but they can't attend wedding events just because we are limited on numbers of guests. So you could bring your BF with you to Europe, your brother can't stop you from that, but he can say no to him attending the wedding events if he doesn't offer a +1. But because he has offered you a +1 (you said he said your friend could go?) you should be able to bring your guest. As far as I know +1s aren't able to be dictated by the couple.

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@mac2bee I agree there's lots of time but he's a bit of a groomzilla . I'm sure they will get a chance to meet at one point, we're trying to align a time. There is no option in his online invitation to note or mark a +1... he was going to send an individual/separate invite to my bestie to reply from. I don't want to RSVP yes unless I know I can bring my SO and he's pushing ppl to respond in the next 10 days, which means he's intent on setting #s asap. He's not at all a flexible person, so if he doesn't have an invite now, he won't be "accounted" for later.

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@muriel I did call him out on that but he had a meltdown about the stresses of wedding planning. Yes thanks that's exactly how I feel, I'm just trying to find the most sensitive way possible to tell him. Although I'm upset with him, he's never going to see someone else's perspective and I just want to keep the peace even if I have to bite my tongue about his pretentious ways.

I would talk to him again and flat out tell him. "If he is not welcome to be my +1 I am not coming!" It is way out of line to expect you to not bring your SO on that trip.

I'm stuck on RSVPs 15 months prior to the wedding. That's more than my whole engagement! So much can change, people get married, get pregnant, get sick, have to move, get laid off, etc.

He also doesn't really get a say in your plus one? I'd book the trip with SO, and wait it out.

Or elope before he gets married haha...don't do that. I'm being mean.

Um you might not be dating this person in 1.5 years....

View Quoted Comment Or he could be her husband. It’s presumptuous to say they may not be together so she can’t bring him.

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Thanks, that's true he could still travel with me. Although it would be awkward given it's at a remote castle (mind you my dream wedding castle... of over 1200 castles in the Czech Republic and all the destinations in the world he had to pick that one!? So weird.) with one hotel close on grounds. My boyfriend would pretty much be stranded there, even with a car not a whole lot to do in the vicinity. I would rather take the time and $ to travel elsewhere.

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This is an issue created by the brother for having sent invitations out so abnormally far in advance...

Plus, if the brother gives OP a +1 for the boyfriend and they break up, then the boyfriend just doesn't come. If invitations are sent out 1.5 years in advance, there is a high risk of changes (e.g., someone becomes pregnant, loses a job, other reasons), so the brother will have to be willing to accommodate changes to the guest list.

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That and the imaginary one year rule amuses me greatly.

People said FH and i probably wouldn’t last... that was about 2 years ago....Funny cause now we’re getting married.. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I would refer your brother to Wedding Wire so he can learn a little more about proper invite etiquette including save the date/RSVP timing and recognizing people in a relationship need a plus one. I think he really doesn't get how it works and is going to be upset when interrelationships develop over the next 1.5 years and othet guest drop due to his poor planning.

More relationships*

View Quoted Comment Yes! Everyone called H my rebound from my divorce for months and said we’d never make it- I initially wasn’t invited to one of his friend’s weddings because of it 6 months into our relationship. That was over 4 years ago. Guess I rebound for a long time 😂

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@Allison
LOL, we have actually talked and joked about doing this!! ;D

View Quoted Comment I truely don’t understand why people think at one year a relationship suddenly has more meaning than others. What changes in one day from under a year to exactly a year? I know plenty of people who have been in a relationship under a year that have a better/ healthier relationship than people who have been together 10-20. It’s not my job to say who has a valid relationship and who doesn’t.