My 40th Birthday and I didn't get a gift from my fiance

Guys don't really stop and think about stuff like this because to them gifts aren't a big deal, so they sometimes unintentially hurt us. He probably figures with all the money being spent on the wedding that he didn't need to get a gift. Try not to let it bother you too much, guys don't think like girls.

I don't think you're being selfish. How does he usually deal with gifts?

He eagerly receives all the stuff I buy him. We only started dating last Oct and are already engaged. I know a lot of people will think we're moving too fast. Now, that I think about it, I didn't get anything from him for Christmas or Valentine's Day. I did however get my engagement ring a week after Valentine's Day. Because he had never really gotten me a present before, this is why I was really let down that I got nothing for my birthday.

I honestly do not think that being a male is an excuse for the lack of thoughtfulness and consideration for other people. Particularly those who mean something to you. The gifts really do not have to be expensive, but it's the thought that counts. I don't think it's OK. I would be disappointed too.

Our minister told us something interesting that may help you!!

There is something called the "5 love languages" did you ever hear of these?

It is the way people express themselves in relationships... it is very interesting

Here they are:

1. Quality Time

2. Words of affirmation (saying nice things, etc)

3. Receiving gifts

4. Acts of service (running errands, keeping up with the house)

5. Physical touch

He said we all express to others that we love in one or two of those 5 ways... I am a gift person myself and he said FH might not be a gift person but may express himself in one of the other five ways....

Yeah, we just finished our premarital counseling, and the preacher talked briefly about the 5 love languages. Guess we just differ big time on the receiving gifts language.

Yes, unfortunately what you wanted he may not be thinking of. But you can always keep reminding him that you love surprises :-)

Happy birthday, first of all!

Neither H or me are "gifts people". When I look at those 5 love languages Jessica posted, I can definitely see us elsewhere, but physical gifts are not our thing. Actually for H's last birthday which was his 35th, I gave him a card and cupcakes and balloons. One year for Christmas he gave me a note saying he would buy me a new cell phone. Last year for Christmas we both forgot to get each other anything at all. If we do give each other "gifts" it's usually an experience like a weekend getaway or concert or something.

Oops I type too slow. Since you're done with counseling can you maybe "review your materials" or something and talk about that with him? I don't think you're being selfish at all! He just might not be thinking that's important to you.

I think you have to tell him - otherwise you may have decades of sad birthdays ahead of you and that's no fun. I know it's a weird thing to say but a lot of men appreciate direct requests.

This is true. I just need to tell him how I feel.

My finance and I don't do gifts at all actually no Hallmark Holidays, no birthday, no x-mas and so on, we just both are not gift people when it comes to our relationship. We like to spend our money and attention on our daughter together for most holidays.

Maybe just talk it out with your fiance, you should be able to tell him anything...

We are not big on gifts either, but I know that my FH would space a gift 90% of the time if we were. Usually we have a discussion leading up to the gift-giving occasion about what we want to do, which helps keep expectations in check. If I've really been wanting something specific, I tell him. If not, we usually decide to go out to a nice dinner or go on a day trip or something. But the point is, we talk about it. If I left it up to him to surprise me, I'd be feeling just like you most of the time!! Try telling him how you feel this time, and next time, say, "Oh, Christmas is coming up! I've really been wanting new earrings. What's on your Christmas list?"

I've heard a lot about the 5 love languages, both on the forums and from my mom. I think it's definitely worth the read.

My FH almost never buys me presents either. We've been dating for 7-8ish years and I've only received like... three or four physical presents (and many of them were combo-gifts because my birthday is right next to Christmas). The only jewelry I've ever received was my engagement ring.

I buy him tons of stuff and spend all kinds of time trying to be creative- but honestly I've come to love and understand that I'm a gift giver and that's what makes me happiest. I've come to realize that he DOES give me presents, just not the physical kind. I know when he's being sincere, thoughtful and caring- I just need to look beyond the gifts part to see it. I've learned to appreciate him for his love, no matter what form it takes. Your relationship is still newer- I'm sure you'll discover in time how he shows it.

Jessica..I LOVE 5 languages of love! I have the 5 languages of apologize, as well as the 5 Children's Languages. Amazing book series.

And yes- happy happy birthday to you!

Maybe he doesn't celebrate holiday....I mean, you didn't get a gift for christmas or valentine's day either..something you two should talk about.

Maybe he thought a card and the cupcakes were the gift?

If its really an issue, then you def should talk to him about it....but honestly, I say just be happy that he remembered your day and acknowledge it with the card and cupcakes.

I 2nd Kris suggestion of going back over the 5 Love Languages.

Obviously his love language is different but he needs to make the effort to use your love language so that your "love tank" as the book describes it feels full. So don't be afraid to be more direct about your needs.

Gifts was the last love language for me, BUT I'd be upset if my FH didn't get me anything for my 40th. Actually, I think I'd rather have him plan something fun, but however you look at it, if I got a card and a cupcake, I'd be upset.

You're right, you need to talk to him about it. Communication is sooooo important. Guys are different-they don't think and plan like we do. I'm SURE that it doesn't mean anything, but just talk to him about it.

I will. Thanks everyone.

I will. Thanks everyone.

I will. Thanks everyone.