Motherless Brides

Ok I started to cry so I didn't finish the whole thing.

Sarah, I feel for you, love. While a lot of us still have our moms, it's not all hunky dory all of the time on this end, either.

For whatever it's worth to you, while my position was not the same as yours when I was planning my wedding, I did almost everything on my own, because I didn't trust anyone enough to help me besides my own mother (because she's organized and somewhat OCD, dependable, reliable, blah blah blah), who couldn't have even been bothered to be legitimately interested in what I was doing, more than once during the planning process. The only thing she was involved in was finding the dress because she wanted to give that to me as my wedding gift, so she was present to pay for it.

I saw your question at the end: Besides finding the dress, there were only two other people who were trusted enough to come and check out vendors, venues, etc., and those two people were my husband, and my best friend who was also my MOH.

I think you have every right to include whomever you deem fit to help you with your tasks. There's no right or wrong answer to that at all. Don't feel guilty about wanting to experience this process with people who you love and who love you.

For the love of God, you make me want to get on a plane and go to every single appointment with you.

All my love, hon. xoxo

Well I finished but only after taking my glasses off and wiping my eyes several times. Btw, my boss now thinks I've lost my mind because of course she can't know what I was crying about.

I know exactly how you feel. I went to several appointments by myself so I didn't bother anyone. Luckily, I do have my big sister who has helped a lot but it's not exactly the same. She was with me when I found my dress, when I picked out my flowers and when I was deciding on centerpieces. But she, my aunts and my friends all have their own lives. This is part of the reason I decided on a small, simple ceremony. It was much easier to manage if I had to do it on my own.

If you need anyone to talk to that completely understands the boat you're in, I'm here.

This is a very touching blog. I'm another motherless bride. I've pretty much done everything on my own, since this is my 2nd wedding and my sisters don't live near here either. My mother wasn't that involved in my 1st wedding, so I haven't been feeling emotional as I do all the wedding planning steps again. That is so nice that you were able to have your mother's wedding gown altered to have another dress to wear. FH's father is deceased, so we'll have photos of both deceased parents on the back of our programs.

I am not parentless, but on my own states away from most of my family, who cannot come for any appointments. My foster parents don't really seem to care much about when I come around, and like to be part of my life as long as it is on their time.

I luckily have found a beautiful new family with my fiancé. That is the answer to your last question. I also have a tight community of friends in similar situations to the one that I am in, and we lean on and support each other.

Best of luck, and I hope you have a beautiful journey to your wedding day!

I've been very lucky because I have a step mom, best friend and FMIL that have been amazing with helping me plan. I am so thankful for them.

Having said that, no one is ever my mom and I'm tearing up just thinking about what it would be like if she were still here. I think of how lucky I am that I had an absolutely amazing mom for the first 15 years of my life and how many other awesome women I still have in my life. I try to focus on the positive. I remain grateful for so many wonderful people/aspects of my life. Yet I still miss her.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you nothing but the best for your wedding.

Wow. That blog post made my cry like a baby. My mom has been so involved in the wedding that I sometimes get annoyed with her. Thank you for making me realize that I need to appriciate her during this process more. I really couldn't imagine having to do all of this without her. She's the one I call for everything. She comes to every appointment with me. Heck, I don't even have to ask her...She has a calendar with all the dates marked in it herself. I hope that you find someone to be a "mom" to you during the rest of this process. I couldn't imagine having to go through it without someone like that around to help.

I lost my mom when I was 17. Picking out my wedding dress without her just about broke my heart. Its hard and I miss her everyday.

My mom passed away in childbirth and my dad bailed right way. My grandpa and grandma took me home from the hospital and he passed when I was three, leaving grandma to be my "mom". She passé away almost 10 years ago and never go to meet the incredible man I am marrying. both my aunts have passed now and I am left to be the matriarch of my family for my little cousin. That being said planning a wedding without parents has got to be one of the hardest things I've done. I want my grandma to be here so desperately to see the woman I've become, the incredibly perfect for me man I've chosen. But she isn't…

It's killed me going dress shopping without her, checking out venues and vendors. My grandma had opinions about everything and I know she would be in my ear. My best friends, my maid and matron and our officiant, a mutual best friend of mine and the FH, have been wonderful. They listen to me about the details and don't seem too bothered by my musings over invites and decor. My FMIL has been nice and attended the BM dress outing but that's about it. My FSIL got engaged after us and her wedding is before. The FMIL is basically putting it together for her daughter so ours has been pushed aside a bit. I love my FSIL and was excited when they got engaged but not having my moms here is making my FMIL's lack of involvement even more depressing. I'm hopeful she will be more excited when my FSIL's wedding is done. His family has been so incredible and loving…I think she just didn't realize there void I was wanting her to try to fill. PLus I'm way more of a planner than his family. They are so much more laid back and I'm definitely more on the OCD end of it.

Aw I know how you feel. My mother refuses to really "acknowledge" the fact that I am getting married and changes the subject when I try to talk to her about the wedding. On top of it all, when I ask her if she would like to attend appointments with me (such as dress shopping), she says that she "doesn't want to" or "doesn't see the point."

(I also go to school full time and work two jobs, so I understand your feeling of "lack of time.")

I understand your pain. I lost my mom almost 3 years ago. She has missed so much. From my niece being born, my college graduation in December and now my wedding. I have had my sister and friends be there for me as much as they can but it's not the same. I just hope that I can make it through the wedding next Saturday without balling my eyes out.

I'm going to have to read this later, so I'm not a crying mess the rest of the morning. I have a mom, but she's got mild-moderate dementia (I'm 51 and this is my first marriage, so...sorry it took so long, Mom!). I can talk to her about things and she remembers parts of it, and I did take her shopping with me the first time I tried on dresses....but she really can't be a major part of my planning, so I'm mostly on my own, and get advice from sisters here and there. It's tough, and not knowing how she is going to be by the time the wedding rolls around is scary. A couple of weeks ago, she asked how my husband was...she didn't connect that the wedding hasn't happened.

There are also those brides with a living mom but mentally absent. That would be me, so I can relate on so many levels. My mother has major depressive diagnosis, she is on 10 different types of psy meds. She could never help out in anything. I too am doing this alone. My mother is also very unstable. I loved reading how you are using your mother's dress to honor her. I think that is just beautiful, it made me want to cry. She will be with you every step of the way in spirit. I believe she is by your side always through this.

I've read it now...so sorry for you, Sarah. Hugs!

and as for the question about appointments...I have gone on some by myself, some with FH, and my sisters and aunt came with me to try on dresses (and we had mom there the first dress shopping appt, but didn't bring her to a followup).

But also, I'm keeping things pretty simple. Maybe it's just because I don't like to shop around too much, or I don't know what, but I don't have that many appointments, so I don't feel like I'm putting any one person out by bringing them to a few.

Hang in there, Sarah... hugs again!

This is sad. And what is even sadder, is that this is the way it is in my life, and my mother is alive and well. Might I add, shameful. Sending hugs your way, by airmail!!!!

This hit home on so many levels...my aunt has stepped in as that mother figure but there is no one that can replace my mama and I miss her terribly!

My mom passed away when I was 12 years old. It has been very emotional planning my wedding without her being able to help me. We are going to have a special song played at our ceremony and she will be on the program. My fmil is helping me plan.

I am a motherless bride too -- but I didn't have the heart to read the article. My mom will be gone 20 years in August and I miss her every day. It's a wound that never heals. You just get used to the wound being there.