Mother Wants a Terrible Plus One

As hosts, you and fiancé decide who is invited. If you don’t want strangers you have no relationship with who are not significant others of your invited guests, then don’t allow them. It’s very common to not allow any plus ones for unattached single guests due to personal preference, budget, space or any other reason. You are never obligated to invite random stranger plus ones, regardless if some article on Pinterest says it’s a breach of etiquette if you don’t. It’s not a breach of etiquette btw. The fact that you are not accepting “gift” money helps because once someone else pays for anything, they have final say, including who you invite. By having complete control of the finances, you are insured to have your wedding the way you want it, which is not as common as it seems. Alot of couples are actually guests at their own weddings because they have unknowingly given over control to whomever is helping out financially.

I would just say no and change the subject. If she continues to bring and it then I would just say that's the final decision you've made and to please drop it. I'm sure she will know plenty of other people in attendance at your wedding that her friend doesn't need to attend.

Mother of the Bride duties? What are those? As an honored guest, my mother showed up, took part in a Unity Candle ceremony with my MIL, then ate and enjoyed herself at the reception. She didn't have any "duties."

And I agree with her, as the mother of the bride she should get a plus one. And it doesn't have to be someone you approve of unless there is a major reason, such as they were abusive to you in the past, for you not to invite them. They are there as a guest of your mother.

Covid is a convenient reason to cut back, but some people still need to be accommodated, such as your mother.

Yeah no. Plus ones are either for romantic partners, or (in the case of an elderly or disabled guest) a caregiver. Not for a random friend or neighbor's hairdresser twice removed. Since she's not contributing financially, this is a really easy call.

A significant other (spouse, someone you are dating) is not a plus one and they are named on the invitation. A plus one is a complete stranger who is not on the original guest list because you are leaving the spot open to anyone.

If it was my mom I would give her the plus one. She will have someone to enjoy the wedding with.

Was there a traumatic history with this person? Is that why you're reluctant to have her at the wedding? Usually I would say just give your Mom a +1, but I'm not sure of why you don't want her in the first place.

Honestly, unless the person in question was abusive to you or loudly offensive to other people, I would just suck it up and let my mother have a companion at her daughter's wedding. Otherwise, I think she might feel terribly self-conscious by being alone when the MOB usually has an escort of some kind. Do you have particular jobs you envisioned her as doing, such as light hostess duties?


These are just my thoughts as a member of the older generation. Plus if it's your hill to die on, it's going to strain your relationship even more. Then it takes such a long time to repair that if at all. (I'm not saying be a doormat, just pick your battles wisely, I guess.)

That’s a tough one. My dad was adamant about having a plus one to any wedding he attended so when it came to mine I invited him with a plus one as a courtesy. He ended up not bringing anyone. Thank goodness!

It might make other guests feel slighted if she gets a plus-one and they don't. On the other hand, maybe she has some social anxieties about being single and alone. Its really something we can't give an educated opinion on without knowing her, but IMO she should suck it up and understand its your wedding and she needs to respect your decision!