Mother-son Dance

I saw something really cool at a wedding recently. The bride and groom recorded a message that played over the song for each respective parent during their dance. If your mom shows a slideshow, your wife could consider recording a message for her father to play towards the end of their dance. That way it doesn't hint at your moms surprise but it's also something special she will share with her dad.

I think having a slideshow play would be beautiful! My Dad is in a wheelchair but he worked hard for the two years I was engaged so that he could walk me down the aisle and do the father daughter dance with me and while most of our guest were amazed that he was able to do that it by no means took away from the emotions of my Husband and his Mother dancing. I think it would be selfish of your Bride not to let your Mother do something special like that.

As the bride, I would be happy to see a film loop or presentation of mother son through the years sort, at the wedding, but extremely unhappy to see it played during the dancing. I think the 3 dances should stand alone, no AV display distracting from what is going on live, a sweet dance of mother and son. And the dance of father and daughter. And I would be offended stupendously if my groom agreed with his mother taking over any part of the wedding, even 2 mi Utes, that changed the general character of things. The AV display, like any media display, could overshadow any live dancing. And just adding a similar display on daddy daughter would not make things equal. It would make things twice as bad. Then there would be a media display overshadowing a live dance twice. I would hope my groom would decide that my feelings in this, since it is my wedding to you not your mother's wedding to you, would matter most. And hope my groom would agree to work with me to see that there was a nice time and place for this media tribute, just not competition with a live dance. Instead of a brief speech from groom's parent, often done, she might have a couple of minutes when mom could make a brief statement on the exceptional closeness mom and son had during his growing up years, then show the video montage. Because it is a nice thing, and I would not only be graciously " allowing it," but want it to be seen and appreciated by all. Just not having any media display during a live dance. The dance is the dance. The brief speech time just before dinner toasts, or a special speech between the end of dinner, and serving of desert, it a nice time for a parent's tried Ute, in place e of a groom's parent toast speech. Or with it . Most important, that in matters wedding, my feeling , not mom's, would hold sway . Though having the tribute itself, would be fine. And need not have an equal time one by Dad. Give MOG this photo tribute, let her feelings shine. Just, don't insert it where it competes with a live dance . *** Of course, your bride and I, and you, may be different. I hate it at a live social event, or a performance, when someone pulls out their electronic wonders, sight or sound, to " improve" something, or share something, such that people focus on that, and not the original conversation or show. Or the dance before them, as here. I would always rather see the looks on mother and son faces, and how sweetly they dance together, than turn away to look at a picture display, ignoring the sight of dancing to see pictures. Pictures can wait, enjoy the live action now . *** And I warn you against choosing something your mom wants over your bride's objection, at your wedding. Of all the times to put your bride first, the reason you are there being to celebrate moving on from your birth family to start a new family, you and your wife, seems a poor time to overrule wife. What a hairball it could be, if you do not set boundaries that clearly show, you and your wife now stand as a unit.

I am deeply embarrassed (for the people involved) by this form of puffing yourself off--no slideshows, musical performances, or homemade bad verse from the bride and groom or their families, please.

Not all the guests are your dearest friends and family; there's another whole family present, and do you really want them looking at a picture of you at age two with your diaper at half-mast? Or in your Cub Scout uniform? Or your cozy pictures with Mom? "Cute" isn't really appropriate unless you're under six.

Is your supervisor invited? Is your boss? Your fiancee's great-aunt? Dignity is an excellent thing.

View Quoted Comment

There are a lot of things wildly wrong with your response. Let me start off by asking you to go back and carefully re-read my original post. This is not a scenario where one of us is not willing to meet on common ground, and this is not a scenario where any type of hurtful or harmful conduct is occurring. This is nothing more than the groom asking a wedding community for feedback on a topic I myself am not familiar with. This was something that was presented from my mother to my fiance, it was not even any of our ideas to begin with. At the end of the day "One size does not fit all" when it comes to weddings, so we reserve the right to do whatever we want within reason, and we both know that. I mentioned in my original post that I want to make sure I am simply not being "blind" to traditions, so that tells you this is not being done out of any type of spiteful conduct, if anything we are both trying to be fair.

A few things.. and I am going to use your words because I do not want to misrepresent you...

You said: ".....but extremely unhappy to see it played during the dancing. I think the 3 dances should stand alone"

My response: Thank you for your opinion, that is what I am looking for. I understand that you, personally, feel that way. My question to that is..."Would doing this make the brides dance with her father less significant?" "Would her dance no longer be special because photos were shown during the mother-son dance?" Why is the style of thinking automatically being taken towards it being a competition in your response? Why isn't the logic being applied that the mother is proud and want's to demonstrate the type of man her son has become through the use of photos? Why does it automatically have to be taken in the direction of hurtful conduct and it being a competition with you?

You said: "And I would be offended stupendously if my groom agreed with his mother taking over any part of the wedding...."

My response: There is a lot to unpack with this statement, which is hurtful in nature to start off. I personally am not taking anyone's side, since this is not even about sides. So when you say you would offended if your groom agreed with his mother, are you implying that is what I am doing? Or are you just stating that fact? If your just simply stating that fact, then ok.. your message has been received, but if you are trying to imply that is what I am doing, you should go back and read my original post and I clearly stated the total opposite of that. In my original post I clearly stated this was supposed to be a surprise for me from my mother. I then informed my fiance that if she felt it was something that would truly be hurtful to our wedding day, than I would\should know anyway, regardless of it's a surprise or not, that is how this landed in my lap. Not because we proactively decided to do it and not because any sides are being taken.

You said : "And I warn you against choosing something your mom wants over your bride's objection, at your wedding."

My response: Again, I am not choosing anything, nor is my fiance, we are being presented with this from my mother as it was designate to be a surprise. So if you are implying that I am siding with my mother, that is just simply wrong, my original post will disprove that clearly. So your warning is falling upon deaf ears because nobody is even remotely close to doing anything that you are hinting at here.

You said: "I would always rather see the looks on mother and son faces, and how sweetly they dance together, than turn away to look at a picture display,"

My response: I think you have the wrong idea in your head about how this would happen. We would not "stop" to look at pictures while we are dancing, the dance still happens as intended, the pictures just roll in the background on some type of display. So the looks on our faces will still happen, and the dance will still continue as intended. Both things can happen at once.

You said: "the reason you are there being to celebrate moving on from your birth family to start a new family"

My response: This is WILDLY inaccurate. The reason we are there is to celebrate two families coming together, specifically the bride and groom, but the families they bring with them also, not to "move on" from our birth relatives. Yes we will eventually start a family of our own, but by no means are we gathered that day to "move on" from our families.

There is a lot more I could go into here regarding your response, but my responses get very repetitive and I hope you can see the point I am trying to articulate here.