Mother-son Dance

Seeing as she is the sole parent, she wants to do something special. I think playing it while you two dance should be fine. It’s your day just as much as your bride’s day. And if she wants to do one of her and her dad or her parents during her song she’s entitled to that as well. Another time you guys may play the video is during the rehearsal dinner but put it as a chronological order thing to see how you became the man you are today and then she can do the same thing. Your mom just wants to do something special. If your bride truly is really uncomfortable with this, maybe she and your mom can sit down and decide another way she can be involved. Hope this helps!

I don't agree with your fiancée ruining the surprise that your mother had planned for you (which is a very sweet idea on your mother's part), but I can also see where she's coming from to an extent. What are your feelings on this? If this is something that's important to you, then your fiancée should be understanding of that. If she feels like the slideshow of photos would take away from the father/daughter dance or the wedding in general, I would tell her that she can do the photos of her and her dad during their dance and the rest of the night can be a montage of photos of the two of you. Then the photo slideshow for one particular dance wouldn't be taking away from the rest of the important moments of the evening. Just my thoughts, best of luck in however you decide to go about this!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for the response Amber, I should have been more clear in my original post, she didn't "ruin" the surprise, I was trying to save some lines in my post, she brought to my attention that she wanted to talk to me about something, but it's a surprise and she didn't want to ruin it. I then countered and told her if she felt it was going to put a damper on our wedding in any way, then I would want to know regardless of if it's a surprise or not, so it was mutual. She was taking the position that she didn't want to do photos with her and her dad, she just wanted to do the traditional slow dance with no photos, she knew that she could roll photos if she wanted to, but she personally did not want to take that approach.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for the response Maggie. Question for you as a bride yourself, do you think people at a wedding, or you yourself, would feel as if the father-bride dance would be less significant if the mother-son dance had photos rolling during the dance? I personally didn't even know people would judge it on that type of scale, but I have never been married before so I want to make sure I am open to the other side of the equation here.

View Quoted Comment

That's perfectly fine if she doesn't want to roll photos of her and her dad during their dance, but that doesn't mean she should keep you and your mom from doing so if that's what you want to do.

View Quoted Comment

It was originally my mothers idea and going to be a surprise for me, so I didn't even know it was happening, I personally didn't want it to happen and I personally wasn't lobbying for it to happen.

My fiance mentioned that she wanted to talk to me about something regarding our wedding, but it's was a surprise and she didn't want to ruin it for me. I told her if it was truly something that would put a damper on our wedding day, then I would want to know anyway, regardless of if it's a surprise or not. She then presented me with the conversation. I personally do not think it would take away from anything that happens during our wedding, but I have never been married before so I just wanted to make sure I am open to the other side of the equation. In your experience is this a thing? Do people judge dances on a scale of how the other dances were? Is the father-bride dance truly not as significant as it could be if the mother-son dance has some type "thing" during the dance itself?

Any feedback is truly appreciated.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Amber. This is just your bride wanting to remain in control of the day (which it is her right to, it is her day!), but it is also your day too! I would explain to your bride how much this would mean to you!

That seems really selfish and unfair of your fiancée I understand her wanting the spotlight, she is the bride, but she shouldn’t be taking the spotlight from YOU. It’s your day too. Brides get 99% of the spotlight anyway lol, it’s bad enough that she ruined the surprise, but I really don’t see how it’s right for her to take away something special that your mom wants to do for you simply because she won’t be the center of attention for the 3 minutes it’s happening during

View Quoted Comment

I don't think anyone necessarily "judges" dances in comparison to the others. But subconsciously, people will always remember something more if it's more elaborate than something else. It doesn't make either of them more or less significant, but I understand your fiancées concern that it might outshine her father/daughter dance.

That being said, I think you're fixating on the wrong things. Do you want to have a slideshow of photos during the mother/son dance? If you do, then you should have it and tell your fiancée that it's important to you. She should understand that. If you don't want to have the slideshow of photos, then simply don't have it and tell your mother that it's just not your style.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for the response Jennifer. I would agree, it is very much both of our day (And you certainly don't want to mess with a bride on her wedding day!!!)

What I am trying to figure out here is if this is really a benchmark in the wedding community, do people (as a whole, not the 2%) actually sit around and judge dances based on how other dances go? Is the father-bride dance truly no longer as significant as it could be if something happens during the mother-son dance? Asking honestly not condescending.

View Quoted Comment

Hey Gen, thanks for your response, truly appreciated. I should have been more clear in my original post, the surprise wasn't technically "ruined". I told her if she felt is was something that would truly put a damper on our wedding that I would want to know, regardless if the person wanted to surprise me or not. So it was mutual.

View Quoted Comment

Well it was designed to be a surprise, so we are not really fixated on the wrong thing, I wasn't even supposed to know about it, now that I know I personally thought it would have been very sweet, I personally would not have defaulted to judging the other dances, but that doesn't mean I am right just because I personally wouldn't have done thought about that way. I am just seeking other's opinions here.. weddings seem to be very "subjective" in that one size does not fit all, but there does seem to be a certain level of "etiquette" that is considered traditional or the "norm". So I am really just looking to see if any of this holds water in that regard.

View Quoted Comment Got it. Still, I don’t think this should be taken away from you or your mom! She’s the bride, she’ll have MANY other special moments throughout the day

I understand how the bride may feel slighted but she should take this as an opportunity to do something special with her dad, I.e. take dance lessons or choreograph a dance with him. I think in my opinion that your mom should be allowed to play the pictures. While the day is about you both, let’s be serious and honest and admit that most of the attention and fawning will be on the bride and it’s ok for the groom to get some special light on that day as well.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for that response Sabrina, truly appreciated. Do you personally, or in your wedding experience, feel that the father-bride dance will be undervalued because of what happens during the mother-son dance?

View Quoted Comment I personally don’t see a problem with it, but I haven’t gotten married yet and my dad and I are not close whereas my Fh and his mom are incredibly close. If they wanted to do it I wouldn’t mind but I can see where other people may take it as “well then is my parent not as important as yours”. Tbh though, only the judgment of guests will even notice probably

View Quoted Comment

I definitely don't compare the two! I think the people there for you for will more attention to yours, and the people there for her will pay more attention to hers! I think there may be more crowd reaction to the pictures, but everyone will like them just the same!

View Quoted Comment I personally would not see it as being under valued. It’s all about a special moment with her dad and the opinions of others should not affect her special moment. Same goes for you, it’s a special moment for you and your mom and the opinions of others shouldn’t matter. Be in the moment would be my advice to you both

View Quoted Comment

So where would you personally draw the line Maggie? This is where our conversations about weddings seem to go a lot of the time. Because no matter what we do, people are always going to think "something" about "something" right? So I am not in it for the public opinion, I am really chasing whether or not I am just blind to the traditions or not. Because it may be possible that her dance with her father is overshadowed by my dance with my mother if we do a slideshow and she does not, albeit it would be unintentional and certainly not directed to hurt anyone's feelings, but it could still be that way. Am I just being too careful here or what?

View Quoted Comment Honestly, for that answer you would need to talk to your bride and her dad. If they’re cool with it then do it, if not, figure something else out