Mother Ruining Wedding Planning

@Mozabrat that's cold hearted of you. At the end of the day, this is OP's mother and she is obviously ill and struggling with several factors of this illness.

OP, bless your heart. I'm hoping for the best for your family and I have to second other PP's that you find a support group for yourself and meet others in your situation. I'm sure one of them has been in your shoes! I also recommend speaking with your mother's physicians about her current change. Keep your head up.

Sorry to hear that, but it seem like the brain tumor is to be blame for her behavior just try and be patient and supportive

I would not include her. Brain tumors are no joke. It can make people impulsive and aggressive and not have filters .... for your sake and her sake I would leave her out of it...cuz her behavior is not gonna go away.

Give her activities you know she can handle like stuffing envelopes or going to tastings with you.

Depending on where the tumor is, it can absolutely change her personality, effect her memory, etc. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I sympathize wholeheartedly! I would follow MrsBdeG's advice about support groups, but don't be afraid to get into therapy yourself. We often neglect our own mental health when taking care of others.

With a brain tumor, personality changes are not uncommon. I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to take anything out of character for her personally. Just be there for her and support her. With wedding talk/planning, just feel out the situation. If you feel like she is in a good mood and wanting to talk then incorporate her, if not leave it out (as hard as that may be.) I can't imaging how hard this must be for you to go through as well.

Thank you everyone for your feedback and words of wisdom. She has calmed down from her recent meltdown, but we are still treading lightly. With the holidays coming up I've been up to my neck in work, but do still need to take time out for a search on support groups. The other day she was in a great mood again and wanting to talk about the wedding and insisting on paying, so it's really hard to navigate on her highs and lows. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and sympathies. I have to keep reminding myself that it's the brain tumor and not her. I know it's a selfish thought and she's dealing with SO much on her end, but I never thought my wedding planning would be like this without her... it feels so empty and wrong. But, it is what it is. All I can do is take it day by day and try to make the most of it I suppose!

@Sarah, best wishes to you, your mom and your family as your difficult journey continues. I'm glad she's currently more like herself. Perhaps her doctor can give you a referral to both a support group or counselor for you, and perhaps some support services (e.g., referral to a social worker, etc.) that may be able to help you find the practical help you and your mom need to make dealing with her current condition less stressful. I am really sorry for you that everything associated with her illness is also impacting the joy and fun you should be able to experience when planning your wedding. You are NOT selfish. Her illness is having a real impact on you, and it is perfectly reasonable to be upset about that, too. Do you have another female relative, maybe an aunt or someone, who might be willing to give you some of the support and TLC that your mom cannot provide right now? Hang in! <3

My mil has brain cancer and is sometimes so confused about things and comes up with wild crazy stories that are completely false but to her are real. It's so hard to know what is real and what isn't especially. She got into a huge fight with my dh because she was convinced that he stole a ring of hers. She refused to see him or talk to him. The one day said to my fil that she didn't understand why my dh stopped coming to see her. He told her about the fight and she had no memory of it. Also once when we went to visit her she thought I was his exwife, that was interesting.

I don’t know if these are really related, but my mom has bladder cancer and had her tumors removed in ‘14, has gone through multiple rounds of bcg chemo treatment every 3-6 months, but hasn’t had it in over a year...she has always been extra high strung and super crazy...I say that with love because I’m an adult and now separate it from what I’ve dealt with in the past - and let’s face it, almost in remission or not, cancer is scary...but the chemo, the tumors, or changed her and I’ve been told by many people it’s changed their family members as well. Her memory is like she’s purposely trying to be ridiculous but she truly has these inaccurate or missing memories. I should have prefaced it with the fact that her father has Alzheimer’s/ dimentia and I also wonder is she having early symptoms...she won’t address this.

She has been a nightmare on a lot of things and the one and only dress shopping I did was with her and I was in tears with my consultant in the room and went home dressless. I invited her only because I didn’t want to deal with the fact that she had tried to force me into adding my sisters into my bridal party...I’m not close with them and don’t get along with them. Her and my dad paid for my venue and I’ve made MANY concessions already because I’m just that type of person, but right now...I feel like you...I hate this process and I’ve been very very depressed and anxious all the time because I just shy away from talking wedding. I’m over it and I wish I would have eloped but it’s too late now. I’m honestly ready to just borrow against my 401k and pay them back what they’ve paid and tell them to leave me alone and show up if they want. It’s not worth the stress and I’m not conceding anymore. I’m always the dependable one I’m always worrying about my mom and dad and my fiancé’s family; my siblings don’t give any shits about trying to help or listen or hear their troubles and it’s always all on me. I don’t deserve to feel like this over a wedding. I really don’t. And I don’t know what to do. I’ve just ignored the texts today from my dad trying to order me to “make it happen” regarding putting my sister in my bridal party. She already has a part in our wedding doing a reading and making a toast and I’m having my nieces in the wedding...my mom is out of control. It’s outrageous. I feel your pain and I wish I could help you but I can’t. This wedding has brought me back to being a 12 year old girl again. 😞