Caitlin
Devoted May 2021

Mother of the brides dress..

Caitlin, on May 10, 2021 at 1:40 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 37
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My mom has had this dress for about 4 months now. Looks great i was happy with it.. color, style, fit.. everything.


She went to a seamstress to add some extra fabric to cover up some insecurities..I'm like okay whatever. ( before this dress i bought her 10 dresses to try on then she ended up returning and blah blah). She had a dress she loves ag home but wore it to a different wedding before. She didnt want thst style again but i said do the same style just a summer color.
She tried this on today. I tried not to be rude but im like.. no i like it without. She said no i need something over my sides. Idk what the hell to do.. lm such a weiny to be like hate it.. Theres 10 days till the wedding.. im going to flip out. I want her to look her best but its not flattering.. help.. Mother of the brides dress.. 1
Mother of the brides dress.. 2

37 Comments

Latest activity by Caitlin, on May 11, 2021 at 9:31 AM
  • Caitlin
    Devoted May 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    ALSO *** She cant remove it.. she sown it on there...
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  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    I understand not liking it or wishing it was a different color, however, your mom is comfortable and that's all that matters. Maybe in a day or two you can talk to her about how great she looked without it on there and see if she can take it back to get it removed by the seamstress (maybe take a photo of her with it on and she can see how she looks with it on?), but if she doesn't want to, I would just focus on the fact that your mom is happy with how she looks and try to move on.

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  • Rosie
    Rockstar September 2021
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    Oh lord. I have to say I don't like it either so I completely understand where you're coming from. If anything it seems to me like the addition just draws attention to her sides.

    With 10 days to go... I feel like you might as well at least try to find something you both prefer.

    Can you shop for something else? Even if you have to take a day off work and make a special outing of it? I'd be frank and tell her I felt like she'd made the alterations as a bandaid and that you want her to look and feel beautiful and you're not convinced she will feel like that in this dress.

    But at the end of the day if she absolutely insists, there's nothing you can do. She's an adult woman and gets to pick what she wears, even if it isn't something you (or I) would pick.

    I will say that my mum's mother did something similar for her wedding 50 years ago and my mum still talks about how the other dress was much nicer - but you know what? She and my dad are no less married. The photos are fine, and EVERYONE'S clothes look dated, so it honestly doesn't matter. The important part is your mum being there on the day, celebrating with you - no one is going to remember what she wears except you, I promise!

    This is something I've had to remind myself of a hundred times in my own planning, haha!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You are not selling your mom as a package of great beauty impeccably dressed and coifed
    on your wedding day.
    She has dressed herself for decades, and need not be judged by you. Brides have othing to do with how their mothers and MIL dress, unless asked for an opinion. You dod. And she wants something different. Put a smile on your face, and show no sign that she is less than beautiful. The way that millions of MOB and MIL do (we hope) when brides do not follow their advice and buy the dress they want. You are not taking shots to make a movie . Wedding pics are a snap in time of how people really looked.This is how she wants to look. Please leave it alone.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Let her dress the way she wants. It's her body.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    It really doesn’t matter if you hate it. It matters if she’s comfortable. If she’s comfortable, let it go. If you push this and it causes a rift or more likely causes her to look super uncomfortable in your photos, how will you feel then?
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted May 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    I tried to tell her i dont like it in a nice way. I took a pic from the back and front shes like okay that looks fine. Im like i feel like its alot of fabric. I feel like FINE isnt good enough lol. I told her yesterday "oh the day of the wedding its going to be 85° to 90°.. so it might be a little warm for all that. My bridesmaids agree on how she should switch to something else. I get it she has been dressing herself forever but lately she fashion choices has not been great.. thats why i tried to help but got feed up. She should feel beautiful on that day too. I bought her shoes for the dress. TOLD HER they are none refundable and cant be exchanged. Made it very clear.. She says "they are pretty but expensive, im going to return them". She is the lady you cringe to hear in the store yelling at the employee because she cant do something..She has been very difficult through the process. I might have to just take it up as a loss.
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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    Obviously the dress looks better the way it was before the fabric was added but your mom is self conscious and thinking about all the photos she's going to be in. It sucks but just let her wear it the way it is. All you're going to do is put pressure on her and make her more stressed.
    She won't be able to get over her body image issues in 10 days.
    • Reply
  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
    • Flag
    I totally get not liking it, I think the dress was beautiful before and I’m not a huge fan of the sparkly fabric added to the sides, but as everyone above mentioned it might just be best to let it be so that your mom feels more comfortable. You can always tell when someone is uncomfortable when pictures come back, and I’d rather deal with a dress you don’t necessarily love than pictures of your mom not being as happy from her insecurities about her body
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Why in the world are you talking about this with your bridesmaids?? Honestly if I were her and found out I would be so embarrassed.


    Your mother is a grown woman who birthed at least one child. She should be able to wear a potato sack if she wants to or a bikini if she wants to without judgment or input from a gaggle of younger women, or any women for that matter! She is telling you she feels comfortable and secure in what she is wearing. You might not like it, but you can't change it. Leave her alone and leave your BMs out of it.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I agree with everyone on this, I'd let your mother decide for herself how she wants to look regardless if you agree with it or not. Traditional the only people the bride can tell what to wear is the bridesmaids. Mothers of the bride and groom wear what they want.
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted May 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    I think im just going to take it as a loss because its her dress. I get that but i just dont want people to talk crap..
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    That's probably the best thing you can do. And I understand you want her to look beautiful and don't want people to talk. But think about it this way, if you force her to wear something you think she looks beautiful in and later on your mother still hates the way she looked in the outfit because she felt like it didn't flatter her, or other people didn't agree with your fashion choices for your mom, then it's going to be all on you. But if you let her decide for herself and she ends up regretting later on then she will only have herself to blame.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    It may look better without, but she feels better with. With wins. Think about it this way: if she’s comfortable in it, she’ll be walking around happy. If she’s self conscious in it, she’ll LOOK that way. She’ll be walking around preoccupied with trying to cover her perceived problem areas. Someone who looks comfortable just naturally looks better than someone who doesn’t. There’s nothing so outrageous about it that anyone would have anything to talk about.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Anyone that is going to “talk crap” about your mom is...crap. Really. People who do things like that are not worthy of your consideration. You can’t live your life worried about what jerks will think, because they like hurting people - they WANT to be jerks.
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    Fine is good enough for her. It doesn’t matter if you and your bridesmaids agree she should switch to something else or if you think her fashion sense is declining. She likes the dress with the addition of the fabric, so there’s no problem.
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
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    Exactly this! Do I love my moms fashion sense sometimes? Nope. Will I let her wear whatever she wants to feel comfortable? Absolutely. That’s my MOM.
    • Reply
  • Grace
    Rockstar February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    I think you should let this go. It is her clothes, even if she is wearing them at your event. Yes, you won't like what she is wearing at the wedding but is that really something you are going to care about in 5, 10, or 20 years? If it was me, I wouldn't even remember that, just how much fun I had at my wedding.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master June 2021
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Is it possible to do the cape in a more subtle or matching color? While I don't personally think it looks good (if anything it will draw attention to the areas she is trying to hide), I think the flashy color is the problem more than anything else. I do think its appropriate to tell your mom the addition stands out too much and is too attention grabbing. The shimmery sparkly silver cape changes the dress entirely, and is a drastic departure from the dark purple grape color of the dress you approved for your mom months ago. While I wouldn't dictate to my mom exactly what she should wear for my event, I would absolutely say something if what she picked out clashed with or detracted from the rest of our wedding aesthetic.

    Can anything be done about it 10 days before your event? I don't know.

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  • Caitlin
    Devoted May 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    Yeah i suggested a purple to throw over instead she can take off for dancing or something. She wanted silver to make it pop.. IT POPS lol. I talked to my husband he said " Eff it. Let her look stupid and regret it " So whatever. I SWEAR i said this all in a nice way. Im not saying she isnt capable of picking out a dress. It just really is alot to look at. She just did this to a nice dress 2 weeks before the wedding/ vow renewal. She said she likes it so whatever. Now to just worry about her yelling at my hair and makeup people.. 😒
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