Mother of the Bride Relationship issues

View Quoted Comment It might be better that way. when my husband and i got engaged, it wasnt but a little while later until we were married. i will say - our first wedding was similar to a "courthouse" wedding (it was a courthouse wedding, but right down the road in a little park downtown) with very few people. only the closest of family and a friend or two. that was our first wedding a little under a year ago and we have since began planning our "big" wedding. i will say - the simple, quiet, relaxed courthouse ceremony was much more enjoyable than the bigger one up to this point because we had control of every single detail for the smaller one. with the bigger one, we feel obligated to please others and all that nonsense. the only reason im forcing myself to have the second, larger wedding is because i know i will regret it otherwise as i have dreamed of a traditional wedding for my entire life. if you havent and you dont feel that you will regret it, maybe you guys could consider a courthouse wedding. simplifies the process, removes the nerves that a traditional wedding would enhance, and helps each partner enjoy it much more. good luck!!!

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Thank you so much for the great advice. I have always wanted a wedding, but we have never wanted more than 100 guests in total. I would be fine with it being even less. Just those who truly need to be there. Heck, there are even a couple of my fiance's high school buddies I do not want there because we do not get along but that is another issue in itself.

It is so hard knowing what is right for us, but I believe it is about the bride and groom over other's and we should be able to enjoy the day and those celebrating with us rather than seeing those we do not truly want there.

View Quoted Comment Youre so welcome! i agree 100%. it is your wedding, so whatever you would prefer is the way you should go. ive been there with having certain people there that i dont want... my husband's high school friends are also not going to be invited because theyre such partiers and im not into any of that so we dont get along either. same with his family - some of the family members and family friends are huge drinkers so i wont allow them a spot because i shouldnt have to concern myself with things like that at my wedding. enjoy the celebration of you guys as a whole because you only get one wedding. sending you guys the best of luck 😊

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Much appreciation! This whole discussion and getting real advice from other brides have been a huge God sent.

I would invite my mom regardless because she's my mom and I wouldn't want that hanging over my head for the rest of my life. When it comes to all the cousins I think you should only invite the ones you want there. I also have a lot of 1st and 2nd cousins, and although I would love for everyone to be there, we simply can't afford to go over the guest count that we've set, so I only invited the ones I actually have a relationship with. Always work within your budget, especially since it sone't seem like she's helping to cover the cost of these extra people. I've never believed that parents have a say in the guest list. They can suggest some people they want to invite, but you have to also want them there, so ultimately it's not mom's decision.

View Quoted Comment SO, you pretty much have to invite if your mom, unless he violent, abusive, engaged in illegal behavior , or has treated you very badly, not just, I don't like him.
For the same reason that parents just have to accept your FI, like or not, because he is the one you love. And you two are a couple now. And each of us needs to be able to choose a primary companion or mate without every family member or friend sitting in judgement over the choice. You never need to love or even like the guy. You need to accept him and be civil to him , as you would politely greet a stranger or a judge. And he should return the favor. Otherwise you would be extremely disrespectful of your mom.
Cousins you never invite to your home, nor visit in theirs, and only see when you both meet at someone else wedding or holiday party or home, Re acquaintances not froends, on a par with coworkers you only see at work, or old teachers and neighbors. You need to invite them to family reunions, whether cookouts or huge gatherings. Not, your wedding. If your mom makes a substantial contribution to your wedding, and you want to accept tha, you may need to let her control a few invitations, perhaps 3 couples or one bigger family, who are general family friends, or her friends, or your second and third cousins, whatever family you are not inviting. Bonus, she will likely sit or spend lots of time with them, at her friends and some family table. And she and her boyfriend will spend less direct time with you.