Mother of groom

This happened to me... a few months before our wedding she kept sending my husband (fiance at the time) photos of dresses she wanted. They were HORRIBLE. Some looked like prom dresses for teenagers, others were way to white. Luckily my husband was awesome and was able to say just the right things to prevent her from getting dresses like that. So this went on for a few weeks then she just stopped, didn't text or call my husband at all (she doesn't have my phone number). Two weeks before the wedding my husband went over there to talk to her and she finally showed him what she got, which was a plain black dress. She said she knows she's not really supposed to wear black but it was the only dress she liked that she could afford. It was muchhhhh better than what she was looking at before so it ended up okay. I'm not close with my MIL and I wasn't going to show her my dress so I didn't expect her to go out of her way to show me hers but I did expect that she would show my husband. So my recommendation is to have your fiance ask his mom about her dress, and don't let this bother you too much, it's absolutely annoying but not worth the stress.

It seems super odd she won't show it to you if you ask to see it? But I think not telling you prior is totally fine. Has your fiance seen it?

My FMIL bought her wedding outfit without showing me and she chose a jumpsuit over a dress 🤷‍♀️ My take on it is that she will be the one wearing it so I want her to feel her most comfortable. I did not pay for it therefore my opinion was not necessary.

As far as not showing you at all, now that is odd. My FMIL showed me the last time we were together but it was already purchased so it didn't matter.

It's none of your business - she's an adult and can wear whatever she wants. Leave it alone.

I don't mind not seeing FMIL's dress until the wedding day. If you're concerned she is going to wear something white or inappropriate, that will reflect poorly on her, not you!

View Quoted Comment This. Why do you think she owes you sign-off privileges? This isnt a 16 year old asking to borrow your Amex for a prom dress. She is a grown woman and can wear whatever she wants. The only thing you can really ask for is that she doesnt wear white, but if you have a respectful adult relationship with her, you shouldn't have an issue.

View Quoted Comment He doesn’t know which one either!
We clash her & I (I’m taking her baby) and so that causes a lot of strain on our relationship. I just want everything to look nice in photos and I feel it’s a nice moment together to see something going to wear to our wedding. I also don’t trust her style 100% so I want her to look & feel nice and I feel I definitely could have helped her steer in a better direction.

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My husband and I both aren't close with his mother, and I don't trust her style either but there was NO way I'd be able to steer her in a different direction with her dress beforehand. So I just let it go. Her younger daughters (my husband's half sisters) were junior bridesmaids and a flower girl. I had to purchase the junior bridesmaid dresses myself to ensure they were what I wanted and what the girls would be comfortable in, but every time we made a recommendation about the flower girl dress my MIL would straight up ignore us.

So I'm just saying that there are some things you can't control. Honestly, if there is strain between you both, if you tried to steer her in a certain direction she'd probably pick the opposite to spite you and it would be worse.

I don’t really think it’s necessary for her to show it to you unless you are coordinating a specific palette. I know my FMIL is very excited and just showing me pictures of dresses and asking me what color I want, but as long as it’s not white or blue like the bridal party I don’t really care lol. Just make sure it’s not white and you’re good to go!

I know for me, my FMIL wouldn't want ANYONE to see her dress. Honestly I think she would wear a white gown to my wedding since she's done it before at someone else's. But I really can't keep tabs on her and I don't want to. She's going to be the one who looks ridiculous. And even if it's not the dress, she'll find another way to be a nuisance. It's unfortunate. Her and I aren't close at all but at the end of the day, you're not going to want to have this pressing on your mind. I would tell you free yourself of this issue, and think about the bigger things that need to be attended to

View Quoted Comment Any grown woman I know would be insulted or even angry if their daughter or future DIL made any effort to choose, or steer her away from, her own choice in clothing. It sounds like you are saying, first, I don't trust her, and second, having met her numerous times, you think she has bad taste and personal appearance. ???? Why would she like to hear it think those things. She has dressed herself since before you were out if diapers.