mother of groom- worried

You don't keep her, or anyone "in line."

Discuss your concerns with your fh.

Let him talk to her.

Ha, I didn't mean for that to seem.. rude, I just meant how do I non-confrontationally handle her attitude of the wedding being about her.. when it's not at all- it's about my FH and I.. Also, the same issues go for FH- he can't talk to his mother about anything because she throws fits and makes him feel bad about having any type of opinion..

Agree. Talk to your fiance and let him speak to her

If he can't talk to his mom now and set boundaries with her, this will continue to be an issue even after you're married. You should have a serious talk with him about it.

Plan ahead. Have a list of family photos you want to take. Do the ones with your family first, then both sets of parents. Leave pics of her family until last. When you have the pics you want, have your coordinator or even the photographer prepared to say " Time to move to the cocktail hour now." Send the photographer ahead of you, then grab FH's hand and head out.

I know you give the photographer a list to keep on track, but didn't think about that. thanks ya'll.

FH needs to set boundaries with his mother.

Personally, I would do two things with pushy moms. First, ignore like 90% of the comments.

Second, give her something to call her own. My mom was fidgety because I pretty much had my whole wedding planned without her input. My stepmom is feeling the same about my sisters wedding. I didn't care about ceremony decor and my mom expressed interest. So, I let her roll with it. Now, I'm not saying let anyone else plan you're wedding. But, if there's something you don't care much about (guestbook, cake topper, whatever) it may mean a lot to someone else to be involved.

ETA: I also did exactly what Nikki said because some family members were wanting **** photos.

Let the people you hired to work the wedding know that you guys call the shots and not her

Yep! Agree with pp's! Let FH do any talking leading up to the wedding, and let photographer manage the day of. Make the photographer aware of your concerns, give him/her a very complete shot list, and ask them to be assertive about sticking to the plan/request you and FH provided. Also, if you'll have a DOC, clue them in as well so they can run interference if necessary.

Agree with the others. Ignore most of it for now and let the photographer and DOC know about it then let them handle day of. Both of mine specifically asked and I'm sure they'll ask again about situations like this so they can handle them if it comes up on wedding day.

Boundary issues aside....definitely create your shot list & coordinate this with your DOC and photographer. Warn both of them.

Maybe ask for her input so you're not side blinded day of the wedding & feel pressured to take a formal shot with every individual cousin and great aunt.

A) Ask her in advance if there are any specific people she'd like to include in formal photos outside the obvious siblings & parents. If this is organized it can be a much quicker process than trying to herd these people day of without a game plan.

B)Tell her that you have limited time after the ceremony and want to reserve the formals for immediate family only so you have ample time to take couples' photos before the reception starts- she can find the photographer during the reception have them take photos of her with Great Aunt Sally then if she wants. You can also greet your guests and take a photo with each individual person/table at that time .

I honestly would ask her if there are any photos that she would like to have. You could also throw in that you are creating your list of shots that you would like and might have a few options if she's interested. But can make it clear that there will not be alot of time so you can entertain her and also tell her there's not alot of time. She might have ideas that you didn't think of.

FH should be able to help keep her at Bay also.

I have the same problem and FH knows its a problem, we work it out in our day to day life, but big things I make him talk to his mother about. We were able to score an AMAZING venue but didn't want anyone to know yet, since the wedding is so far out, she accidently found out and told everyone that SHE was having HER son's wedding reception at this place (no mention of me and they are not paying a dime). Anyways I like the idea of telling all of the vendors and coordinator

I highly highly highly recommend creating a shot list prior to the wedding. Perhaps, tell her that, to keep things organized, they will be doing the shots on the list and after that it'll be candids. If she wants specific pictures, have her look over the list and add what she may want this way you can be sure, ahead of time, that she will be satisfied.

If she goes crazy adding "MOG/and everyone and everything that has ever lived and breathed" just let her know time will be of the essence and that candids often create beautiful pictures as well!

You give a list of the photos you want taken to the photographer....they can usually handle people that wish to things differently then they have been told. Also if you have a wedding planner or Day of coordinator, have a private talk with them, explain your concerns and they will be more than happy to run interference and either have her corralled elsewhere or divert her into "helping" with something.

Definitely let fh talk to her and tell the doc/photographer about it. They're professionals, I'm sure they've seen this situation before and can handle appropriately. This sucks that you have to go through it though.

Make your shot list and then tell her she can decide on 3 family shots that she wants and you wil add them to the list. I just picked the number three, you can decide how many you want her to have, the point is she gets to make the choice but it is limited to that number so she can’t take over all the formals. That way you and your df are in control of the photos but she will feel like she has a say. If she tells you her allowed number of photos are not enough then suggest she organize a family reunion for a later date so she can hire a photographer and get all the photos she wants taken then. Your fh should discuss this with her but you can be there for support if it is hard for him to put his foot down with her. I agree with pp that you should give her something to be in charge of which will keep her busy.

"I'm worried that when it comes to our wedding next fall the issue of it being "HER son's wedding"- the second wedding in that family, will somehow trump the traditional bride's family hype"

What is "the traditional bride's family hype" and how does it differ from the groom's family hype?

My photographer is having us make a list of who we want in pictures and the type of pictures that way we stand in one spot and she calls the names or pulls them up and does the pictures granted more or less so we don't have a lot random people in them or we get the exact ones we want. But I agree I think you should have fh talk to her because it is about you guys

It's odd your FMIL thought your cousin's wedding should be about her. That's just weird. But, I think it's important to recognize that your wedding IS an important day for his parents and your parents. No, they're not supposed to be the center of attention, but they should feel like you're honoring them a little. So my advice would be to honor both if your parents. Make sure his mom and your mom do get a little attention and that his parents and your parents are in more than just an extended family picture. You don't need to ask his mom for a picture list, but you can make sure she's in some sweet pictures. Your FH can make sure she feels special during the mother-son dance, and you can make a point to say something to her on your wedding day about how glad you are to officially become part of her family. You can make sure she and your mom have corsages to make them feel special. Stuff like that will go a long way. And yes, you can confirm with your vendors (DOC, DJ, photographer) that they'll stick to the order of events and picture lists you agreed to and that no one will hand over the mic to anyone who isn't listed as giving a speech. I think, though, that by not putting the MOG in a corner all night and making sure she feels like a VIP you will be minimizing her need to get up and demand attention.