Mother of Bride Feeling Hurt

My FMIL keeps asking what my mom is wearing as to "not step on her toes" and both my mom and myself were like "uhhhhhh what? wear whatever you want?" so I bet she was thinking MOG or you would come to her to make sure it was okay with what MOB was wearing.

I would stop rewarding her for acting like a 5 year old though. That is going to come around and bite you later if you keep it up!

Maybe your mom is getting emotional because she feels like she's losing you. You are about to start your own family with your FH.

If she's not being rude I would cut her some slack and maybe try to include her in as much of the planning/preparation as possible so she feels involved.

That said I'm not sure why your FMIL had to change her dress. Did your mom also want to wear black?

Oh, lady, how I feel for you. I'm less than 3 days out and the insanity began about 10 days ago. How I wish I had advice for you, but honestly, you've provided me the advice. In truth, I tried to continue to be inclusive and it backfired wildly in my face. So at the advice of counsel, I backed off and it's not fun and it doesn't feel great, but it avoids minced words.

If you dont bring it up it wont get better. I don't really think it was fair to make your MIL change her dress that you approved of just because your mom through a tantrum. I would talk to your mom about it. This isn't normal behavior for an adult. She needs to work it out so she can act more appropriately and express her emotions before she does irreparable damage to relationships. Not yours and hers most likely but it could get in the way of yours and your MIL's or yours and your future husband's.

I think this is normal, I know my mom was also a little threatened at first by FMIL because she's just so close to us geographically and we see her more often. Also, FMIL is our furbaby-sitter because she loves our pup, whereas my mom is still not comfortable with him. Getting them together to talk about wedding related things helped, or just to have them both over for lunch or dinner!

Another thing that has helped has been asking my mom to do wedding related things just the two of us. My mom knows it will be just her helping me get into my dress the day of, and she will come to my fittings (because she wants to, not that I'm making her!) and she is getting to invite a number of her friends because she is paying. Also, we've been looking at MOB dresses together to see what she likes and would be comfortable in, and I'm sure she will help significantly with seating charts for my side of the family.

@Margarita

It is so passive aggressive to reply to a poster relating a problem that "they should be so lucky." I understand that you are bitter about your own mother, but everyone has different situations and discounting someone this way just spreads negativity needlessly. My own mother died the year before I got married, but I would never tell a poster to stop complaining because they are lucky enough to have an alive, if flawed mother.

@OP

I am sure this is very difficult and sorry you have to deal with this additional stress. I assume that you mom feels threatened that she is losing part of her role in your life now that you will have a MIL. Try your best to make her feel not left out but don't allow her to steamroll your choices with guilt trips.

My daughter was married 2 days ago. My husband and I had a huge wedding at our home and paid for most of it. My daughter's father and I never married. We were kids and he left me when I was 7 months pregnant. He wasn't involved in her life very much until she was about 10 years old, when I got married. He then saw her one weekend a month. He got married when my daughter was 3. Her step mom has always tried to be a good friend to my daughter and loves her. She has 2 other daughters. I was very hurt at my daughter's wedding because her step mom was at my home 3 days before the wedding to help. I did not want her help, but my daughter wanted her to be included. I kept my feelings to myself and honored my daughter's wishes. Throughout the days her step mom stay'd by my daughter's side and I felt like an intruder. It was so difficult to keep the tears back. At one point my daughter noticed my pain. I shared a little that I was struggling because she asked. This upset her and she told me I put pressure on her. I apologized and did my best to not ruin her day any further. My husband and I raised my daughter and did everything for her. She resented my getting married and never forgave me. It hurt so much to see her carefree and happy with her step mom and reserved with me and my husband. I don't understand. I did my best and have given her all I could throughout her life. I am very resentful at her step mom for coming in and not taking a step back and giving me this time with my only child.