Mother of Bride Feeling Hurt

Wow, I am sorry . It seems she doesn't know how to express her emotions. I don't know if brining it up will be helpful. Maybe she just needs more attention from you right now.

At least your mom cares and is into it. My mother could care less and says I'm stupid for wasting all this money on a wedding. Every time I try to bring up the wedding she says im obsessed and doesn't want to hear about it.

So consider yourself lucky, and maybe give mom some extra attention.

Same thing with my mom! Except with her I don't know I feel like we have moments where I think she like my FH & other moments where she doesn't....

Idk why moms have to be like this... don't they know this is hard enough...

Same thing has happened to me. She wants to be super involved and when her involvement or for example dress attire isn't a priority or perfect she flips. It's so annoying because this is stressful enough. I also think that we need to be patient with our moms because it's a big change for them too. I would have a heart to heart with your mom and just reassure her that her help and time is important to you. That even though you had helped your basically mother in law, you would also help her to pick an outfit probably even better than the MOG attire.

Thanks so much everybody! This was really helpful, the more she's gotten like this the more I've pulled away from her but from all your comments about giving her more attention, I now think that pulling away is probably whats making her even worse.

I hear this a lot, especially with those who are/were close to their moms.

Mom may be feeling sad, scared or something else, at the thought of losing their little girl.

She may also feel she is being replaced with the mil.

Let her know how much she means, and will always mean, to you

Wait, you made your FMIL get another dress? What was the issue with the first one?

My mom is the same. We live far apart and she's not able to travel as much as FMIL, so she gets very insecure that this other woman is around us all the time.

But truthfully, I feel like it's just gonna take the wedding being over for her to take a breath and calm down. She just needs life to get back to normal to realize nothing has changed between us.

Jeez margarita. read that like "hey I have it worse than you, suck it up buttercup"

great advice.

My mom was doing this at the beginning of wedding planning, up until a month ago. She simply felt like she was competing for my attention from the MOG, which is not true. I'm also very close with my mother, but the MOG has become really a second mother in the past 5 years with FH.

Just try to communicate and understand where this is coming from. My mom finally confessed how sad she was that her "baby is getting married".

OGKathryne, she was going to rent a dresss from Rent the Runway and hadn’t even reserved it yet so it wasn’t a big financial issue or hassle going back to a store - thankfully.

My grandmother is the same (she has basically been a stand in for my mom my whole life). Every time I talk about the wedding she gets tearful. She has actually pulled away from me. She also has gotten emotional with my sister (who she lives with) making statements like "no one ever tells me anything anymore", "no one includes me" even though I've included her in every little thing.

I agree with the advice about giving more attention, even if she does what my grandma does and acts resistant. Just keep emphasizing that she is an important person not only on your big day but in the rest of your life. I think she will come around!

What was the issue with the black dress?

My mom is like this with everything. while DH and I were dating, engaged, wedding planning and even still after marriage, especially if it is anything concerning my MIL. She cries at everything, wants everything to revolve around her, gets super jealous of us doing anything with DH's family, even gets upset if I mention that MIL bought me something.....for example, MIL bought me a dress on sale at belk's recently. I wore it last weekend while visiting my mom and mentioned MIL had bought it for me--she instantly clammed up and I could tell had her feelings hurt that anyone else dared to do something nice like that for me. Her exact words were "i guess you don't need me to do things like that for you anymore since she clearly does it better than me". I was dumbfounded. While I do love my MIL--there are plenty of things about her that get under my skin and she could never replace my relationship with my mom. I was SO confused and honestly still am.

I don't know how to tell you to handle it other than to explain it to her as "we were busy, and she had time to help before the wedding, I didn't think it was wrong to include her in a such a small part of the wedding planning as I want her to feel needed and wanted in my life as my MIL too. None of that changes anything to do with our relationship, and you will always be my number 1 mom". At some point you just have to realize that she isn't likely to change and you just have to deal with it or censor your conversations with her.

I thought tradition (for whatever reason) was the MOB picked her dress first, did MOG go first? It sounds like you have moved forward, great!

This is totally normal! It's a type of separation anxiety. I'm about to move 20 minutes away and my mom was a crazy person because I'd *expressed interest* in putting lace curtains in my own front window

My Mom isn't old school..so when the MOG asked her what she was wearing because "We all must model ourselves after your choice" she literally couldn't handle it lol She's like "I don't care what anyone wears as long as you're the only one in a wedding dress"

So..maybe she feels like our MOG?

There's a tradition on who buys their dress first?! That's so ridiculous I can't even comprehend it. My FMIL has had her dress picked out since July (which I helped her pick) and my mom is waiting to lose weight before she picks something out. Better tell FMIL to pick something else in a few months, I guess, in the name of tradition. *sarcasm*

My mother is sort of like that too. But as I saw in a previous comment, be thankful your mom loves you! However you hear from times ago as well the "mother in law" drama! I'm pretty sure there is a movie about it haha. I would talk to her and let her know that when grandkids come along that they will have to learn how to be civil with each other and focus on the one thing that matters, your happiness!