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Cassie
Beginner October 2022

Mother in Law

Cassie, on May 14, 2022 at 1:05 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 2 34
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Is it okay for me to have both my mother and the mother to my bride to wear the same color? I have chosen silver for the color I want them to wear the day of. It doesn't have to be the same dress, but I do ask for a silver color. I am getting backlash from my soon to be mother in law and she wants to wear gold! Am I unruly to ask for what I am asking for? My soon to be wife does not care, but knows I do and is cool with my vision. So........am I crazy?

34 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on May 17, 2022 at 9:34 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    You generally don’t dictate the color or style that adult guests wear. They will dress themselves in an appropriate color. Leave this alone.
    • Reply
  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    My mother and mother in law are apart of the wedding party. I am taking pictures with them right?! Not my guests?! My guests can wear whatever color they want. Both my wife and I have lost our fathers and have incorporated our mothers being involved in the wedding, so no, I don't consider them guests.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Anyone attending the wedding who is not getting married is a guest. Some guests are more involved than others.
    • Reply
  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
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    I do not agree but thanks for your input.

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  • Debbie
    Savvy August 2022
    Debbie ·
    • Flag
    I think parents should be able to wear whatever they want. If they happen to agree to the colors you suggest that’s a win, but generally they don’t have to coordinate. My mom is wearing a diff color than my FH’s mom but they are in the same color family so it will look nice in pictures. I think as long as the colors don’t clash then it’s fine that they aren’t the same. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Nagoya
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Nagoya ·
    • Flag
    I have mothers wearing same color (gold) Siblings wearing burgundy and closest friends in navy blue. It’s whatever you want it’s your wedding do what you want!!!!
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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
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    Thank you. I have them in silver and I don't think I am asking for much. It will look good in the pictures and its one day I am asking for the vision of my wedding to go the way I want. Its one day you have to wear a color. I think silver is a neutral color as well!

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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
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    I am also not as picky as to what shade of silver. I am just asking for silver. I want it to look good in our wedding pictures as well. I would have my mom in silver and her in gold. I just think it looks bad. I have now gotten her to agree to silver so all is well now, but man, why such an issue? Don't us brides have enough stress of everything else to not have to have problems with color schemes? LOL

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  • Nagoya
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Nagoya ·
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    Just remember it’s your day. If people can’t give you what you deserve then their presence isn’t needed.
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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    It is fairly normal for the mothers to want to match the bridal party or theme. That being said, this is usually doen voluntarily and not a mandate from the couple getting married. Do you know why she is so insistent on wearing gold?



    I see your wedding color is listed as black. Are you only including silver and not gold in the wedding as an accent? Does your FMIL own a gold dress and not want to buy a silver dress? Figuring out her motivation might help you convince her to go with your choice.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I've never seen the moms match and I've never heard of the wedding couple dictating what color they wear. Maybe this is different in different social circles, but in mine, this would be seen as overstepping to try and force the moms into certain colors.
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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
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    I am just asking, but heard that she was complaining about the color. The colors are black silver burgundy and white. They only gold in my wedding is the candlesticks that will be on the tables. She wants to wear the most ugliest gold ever. I asked for her and my own mother to wear silver as I feel it compliments them both and it will look good in our photos. She will buy since she does not own either one. She has since now agreed to silver. Now I am just trying to bite my tongue on the style, ugh, lol

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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
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    It is to each their own. I do not care the style just the color. I want our photos to look good as well. It is one day that I ask for what I am asking for since it is our wedding. She has since agreed to the silver so I really have nothing else to say. The style she is going for I don't think will be befitting for her either, but I guess it is what it is

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    That's great she agreed since it's so important to you. I've never seen bad wedding pictures just because of people's attire though.
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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    And that's the thing, it is important to me. So please just oblige by what I am asking you to wear. There are a million reasons why brides decide to have a wedding just the way the want. It is just a color I am asking you to wear not a matching outfit to each other. I want everyone to look nice for OUR special day and I do not think it is too much to ask for one day. This is my only complaint so far. Everything else was going smoothly.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
    • Flag

    Taking pictures with people does not make them part of the wedding party. And no, silver is not a "neutral" color. I am very pale and would look awful in silver.

    As Sarah said, I have never heard of having moms intentionally match, nor have I heard of dictating what color they should wear.

    "Don't us brides have enough stress of everything else to not have to have problems with color schemes? LOL"

    Yes, you do have enough to worry about, so why in the world you obsess about something like the color dress they get? I could see you not wanting them to wear one specific color, but not dictating one specific color.

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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    Thanks for everyone's input. Each person has their own take on how they want their wedding to look. I am not the only one as there are people on here with the same issue. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice. She has agreed to silver. She can wear whatever style she wants. I never dictated what style and it didn't even need to be matching silver. Just a silver color was all I asked for. I am not obsessing over it. Just simply asked if I was crazy for thinking a certain way. Again, I am not the only one who asked for these kinds of things. Have a blessed day

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar August 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Moms usually only take family photos not with the whole bridal party, so there's room to visually contrast. If you have dads or partners in the group, are they coordinating also? As the moms haven't found the silver dresses yet, I think you should brace yourself for future complaints if they can't find flattering styles. Or you can let them wear whatever they find comfortable and beautiful.
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  • Cassie
    Beginner October 2022
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    Both my father and her father have passed away to cancer. I would have asked them to match their wives. My mom will purchase and she has since I've been on here agreed to a silver dress. I do not care the style like I mentioned in the beginning. Just the color. She is the only one that had a problem with anything. It is fine now.

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  • Grace
    Super February 2022
    Grace ·
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    I'm glad she agreed to the color. There is not a whole lot you can do about her choosing an ugly dress, although I really sympathize! My MIL also picked one that wasn't very flattering. She was happy so I didn't say anything.
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