Mother in law with rude comments

What the??!!! Salt in your wine???? She needs to chill. My FMIL used to call me his ex's name but then would talk shit about her...I finally pulled her aside & nipped it. To me it was rude & so disrespectful. Talk to FH about how you feel & talk to your FMIL if your comfortable. Plus she needs to know that you will have kids when you & FH are ready.

FH needs to set boundaries now. I understand you not wanting to create drama, but she already has and it needs to be addressed and dealt with (by your FH). Setting boundaries and following through with the consequences for breaking them is absolutely necessary. She put something in your drink. That's not rational behavior, and it sounds like your FH has your safety in mind. He has his priorities straight. This won't get better unless you let FH set boundaries with her.

She's crazy. Your FI needs to tell her to back right off or she will never see any kids you guys choose to have; I would be putting her in a time out for minimum six months immediately. If she contacts you, ignore it. Your FI can have a relationship with her if he chooses, but you need to be out. If she's salted your wine, I wouldn't be surprised if she escalated to deliberate food poisoning or worse. You'll get further good advice over at the DWIL Nation board (they've seen this before) - hop over there for seriously good help.

Fi needs to say "look, as long as you're putting stuff in her wine, she and any kids we have are not coming over". Boundaries, now.

The time to discuss her hideous behavior is not while she's engaged in it. He needs to sit her down and talk about her disgusting comments and even more horrible behaviour.

She honestly sounds mentally ill. I'm not saying that to be funny, but adult humans don't behave this way.

I'm sorry. He has to step up to the plate and tell her this won't be tolerated and she is in danger of ruining her relationship with him.

So she wants you to have babies before getting married and puts shit in your drink. Hmmm....Yea. FH needs to deal with dear old mom, and in the meantime I;d steer clear as much as possible. Life's too short.

Part of being married ( or almost married) is acting like an adult . This includes setting major boundaries with family members. FH needs to tell his Mom to straighten up or your relationship will be very limited. Any adult who puts salt in somebody else's drink is frickin'nuts.

I think your FH needs to deal with this before you have kids. My grandmother (dad's mom) has always said inappropriate things to my parents, similar to what your FMIL said to you two. My grandmother's inability to filter, and her belief that everything she says/believes is the truth, spilled over into her relationship with my brother and I. In my opinion, my father waited way too long to address these issues, and several years ago I finally cut ties with her.

When you say that you wouldn't want your kids around her, I wholeheartedly support where you're coming from. Children don't get to choose the families they're born into. FMIL's behavior is not fair to you, and most definitely wouldn't be fair to any child.

Your FH should stand up for you, have a direct conversation with her, and set boundaries. I would avoid situations/events with her because she is incredibly disrespectful, immature, and not worth your time if that's how she treats you. Unbelievable that grown adults act this way.

This is very strange, your FH needs to do something about this.

I cannot believe what she said about the prostitute! That is insane! She really does sound crazy. Your fiancé definitely needs to have a firm talk with her.

And it is totally normal that you want to wait to get married to start having kids, a normal person would be fine with that.

Does she treat her other children's significant others this way? I don't even know what to say about the salt, except that she sounds legitimately not mentally stable.

Maybe one of the lawyers here can chime in and correct me if I'm wrong but isn't she tiptoeing assault by tampering with your wine?

FH needs to drop her. Fuck boundaries.

This lady does sound totally crazy. And not in a cute way, in a she-could-be-dangerous way. I have a crazy baby-wanting FMIL but she's nowhere near as bad as this. I think your FH needs to have a very serious conversation with her. He needs to let her know that if she keeps treating you poorly, you won't be having any contact with her. And the future kids that she so desperately wants him to have won't be seeing her either when they come into existence unless she can build a good relationship with you. FMIL probably won't care at all about not having a relationship with you, but you control who the future kids associate with. And she'll definitely care about having a relationship with them.

Also, are you sure that it wasn't just accidental salt? That's super weird is she legit went out of her way to put salt in your cup...

@lyla you don't "accidentally" put something in someone's cup of wine (or anything for that matter), especially salt.

Play that scenario out in your head.

*FMIL plays hot potato with the salt shaker to keep from dropping it on the floor and it spills into OP's wine glass.*

"Ah shit! I accidentally spilled salt in my FDIL's wine glass. Eh...I guess I'll just give it to her hand hope she doesn't notice."

That just doesn't happen.

Watch it! She might put something to boost fertility in your drink so you end up prego. People are crazy.

I say you should sit down with your FH and have a discussion with him on what YOU find to be acceptable boundaries between the two of you and his mother, then you BOTH need to sit down with her and discuss these boundaries with her as a unit. I would put it this way:

We care about you and we want you to be a part of our life, as well as children we bring into the family. If you cannot, however, meet these boundaries, then we as man and wife will not only not have a relationship, but you will not see any future children that we make in this marriage."

Those who break boundaries do not get the benefit of contact, recognition or the slightest bit of attention. Cut her off if that's what you have to do.

Also, don't let a future child be fed by her, as she obviously has no problem messing with people's food/drink.

Salt in wine is a real thing apparently. It's supposed to improve the flavor or at least that's what google says. Are you sure it was salt though?

I second @Michelle, are you sure that was salt?! That's alarming.

@Sara WTF... That is absolutely horrifying.

^^ agree with above comments, have a convo with FH to agree on boundaries with his mom. Then have him share those boundaries with her. "Mom, we love you. But you have to stop interfering. We will have children on our terms, NOT yours. It is disrespectful to me and my wife. If you don't stop acting like this we will have to stop our contact with you." Tough, but it sounds like she could benefit from tough love.