Mostly Kid-Free?

It's your wedding... You do what your comfortable with!

It's okay to do this so long as you invite kids in circles.

If you said just the kids in the WP, that's a clear circle. So is the kids in the WP and immediate family. You're also good with kids in the WP and all relatives. It'd also be okay to say kids in the WP, all relatives, and children of your BMs and GM.

Where it could get sticky is the select few you're talking about. If the distinction here is that you'd be inviting the children of all your close friends and just not the kids of your co-workers, you're good. That's an understandable line. If, however, you would be inviting the kids of some of your close friends and not of other close friends, it won't look very fair or understandable to your guests.

My mother would highly disagree with you, Beecham2Barrows. But then again, if it were up to her, everyone I'd ever met would be invited to my wedding...

Thank you for that clarification, BlueHen.

We are doing immediate family kiddos only.

I agree with circles. We are having my sister's kids, because they are the only kids in the wedding party and in both immediate families.

We did immediate family, bridal party and those that went to the actual wedding in Florida. We did a dw and then a big reception back home! It worked out great with the limited kids we did have. No one complained and we didn't have issues with lots of children around.

Invite children in circles. We are inviting cousins (FH has tons of little cousins ranging from 1-19) but not cousin's kids (we both have them on either side of the family) because if we did that, we would have zero room for friends

You are fine. You do NOT need to do kids in circles. Family, cousins, and other kids that you have actual relationships with is perfect.

If it's just the kids in the wedding party.

We are doing adults-only (definite by no children under 13, so no young children) wedding (ceremony/reception) with the exception of wedding party members children and OOT children traveling internationally. For those children, there will be two kids room and three nanny to care/entertain them. We signified this by addressing those that are invited on the invitation envelope and stated that it was an adults-only wedding and the exceptions on the wedding website.

I am doing immediate family kids, two of which are flower girls and bridal party kids, which they've all said they do not want to bring them haha. So in total I am having 6 little ones.

I'm inviting relatives kids and BP kids, so that's about 11 total including a 13-year-old. Total invited adults is 200

We are doing wedding party kids only, there is no child's price at our venue and I'm not paying an extra grand for little kids who don't care about a wedding. Sounds mean, but in my mind to invite 20-40 kids is a lot of extra money.

I think the problem with OP is the select few. While you mean it with good intent, it could come across wrong to a guest who now thinks you don't like their kids or don't value their friendship as much.

Circles is fine. Just family kids, cousins, cousins kids, WP kids (as others have said). The other easy way to decide is set an age. Only kids under/over say 5, 10, 12 get invited unless they fall into one of the other circles.

My fiance also grew up in the small (there were only 4 of them) conservative home schooling family (we're both Catholic now) so I know what you mean about large families of friends who have stayed in. (Most of his friends haven't been married long enough to have more than 2-3 and his childhood friends are all adults now and so we've only invited the friends (and their parents in a very few cases)).

I think you can only invite kids that you actually have relationships with, similarly to the way that you invite adults that you actually have a relationship with.

ETA: We only had 4 children at our wedding out of the 225 guests - my OOT cousin's son, the FG and RB, and the 9 year old daughter of my mother's friend that I am very close to and spend time with. I didn't invite "in circles" but rather invited the few children that would be meaningful for me to have there.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision.

Or wedding has 60 adults and 20 kids, 10 are 5 and under. They are all special to us. So we have many fun things planned for them as well!

But ours is not for everyone!

Kids are not all or nothing. When it comes to family kids, I agree with inviting in circles otherwise hurt feelings will happen. Eg. all nieces and nephews or none; all cousins' kids or none. This is the best way to avoid family drama.

However, when it comes to other kids, it makes perfect sense to only invite the kids you are close to and spend time with. You have no obligation to invite every kid of friends or co-workers who you have no relationship with just because you want to invite other friends' kids who you are close to.

The circles makes sense. It's really tricky, though, because if I draw a hard line on all kids outside the bridal party and relatives, I'll be excluding parts of family units that have had pretty much equal part in my life as their parents.

All of this stuff frustrates me, to be honest, though I understand it. It seems unfair to not have the people that I want at my wedding because others must be invited if they are/might feel excluded if they weren't.

The kids I'm thinking of picking and choosing between belong to families that are friends of my family...I'm much older than most of them, and I'm closer to most of their parents than to them (while my siblings are friends with a few of the kids). But a couple of the families have stayed more involved in my life since I reached adulthood, and I've developed closer relationships with their kids as a result as they've grown older.

Again as others have said you certainly can do what you want but if you do I'd be prepared for you and/or your mother to get some questions about why their kids weren't invited when so-and-so's were and even some passive-aggressive/slightly rude comments. They also are more likely to just bring them any way (hello RSVP drama) if they know other kids are invited.

If the kids are all older (i.e. Teenagers)and it would be reasonable just to invite the parents and the out of the house siblings you're close to separately, it may work. But I'd be careful because these are typically small circles and people may want to know why Sally's 10 kids all get to come but theirs don't so just make sure you have an answer you are comfortable telling someone to their face about why the distinction and that you (and your parents) are willing to accept in blowback/drama if you do it on a case by case basis.