Monster in law

No one else has stood up to her yet so she gets uglier and uglier in her behavior. Looks like you and your fiance need to be a united front to stand up to her. I guarantee if you let her steamroll your wedding this is what your entire marriage is going to look like. She will never stop. Why would she? Everyone acts scared of her and lets her get her way.
Who cares if she thinks you’re awful? She’s already displayed appalling behavior, does it really matter if this mean person says YOU’RE mean? You know it’s not true.

Go read some r/justnomil and learn from their horror stories, and get started on your shiny spine because you’re going to have to say the word “no” a lot.

Call every single one of your vendors and put passwords on your info. No password, no changes to be made. It won’t be the first time they’ve been asked to do that, believe me. Don’t give her any info - tell her you want it to be a surprise. And keep standing up for yourself. What’s the worst she can do? She can’t ground you. She can’t take your car keys. If she throws a tantrum, say “you seem to be overwhelmed, we’ll continue this conversation when you’ve got more control over yourself.” Keep saying no - it’s a complete sentence. You can make it more polite if you want to - “no, that isn’t going to work for us.” “Thanks for the suggestion, but we’ve already got that sorted.” “We’ll give that idea the consideration it deserves.” Or, just “NO.”

FH should be taking the lead with his mother. Hopefully he also acknowledges that this behavior is unacceptable and is willing to speak candidly with her. I would also speak to your vendors and say only you and FH have the authority to make changes and that you will do it in person or from a specific email account.

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This is some truly insightful advice. Every word!!!

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this. His mom, his problem. She can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, but you and your FH need to be a united front. If he doesn’t see an issue with her behavior, you’re not going to have much luck. Establish boundaries now and stick to them.

Contact all your vendors and state that you are the only one allowed to make changes. Don't try to stand up to her, let your fiance do that. She'll care way more about his feelings than yours. Also, pick your battles. There are some people that live for dramatics. Don't give your MIL that gratification. For example, with the flowers, call the florist change the flowers back, tell them you are the only one that can make changes and leave it at that. Take control when you can, but let things be if they're small. Example- my 3 younger sister-in-laws were in my bridal party. The 12 and 14 year olds were junior bridesmaids. I purchased their dresses so that I had full say and told them not to wear heels since they were already taller than most of the adult bridesmaids. But with the 8 year old flower girl, my MIL made her wear 3 inch heels, which looked ridiculous because the other flower girl was 5 and half her size but it just wasn't worth the fight.

View Quoted Comment This is a really smart idea!

FH needs to let his mom know that stuff won't slide. Be firm and put your foot down now. Draw some serious boundaries so FMIL knows her behavior won't be tolerated! I hope you're able to get the flower situation figured out!

The buck needs to stop somewhere or her behavior wont. Make sure your vendors understand that you or your FH are the ONLY people authorized to make ANY changes PERIOD! And when she gives you "suggestions"...if you don't like it say okay I'll think about it. Or say I've got that covered already thanks. Never feel awful for standing up for yourself. If you keep allowing her to anger you and you internalize it...the frustrated blow up is gonna be so ugly.

It is perfectly okay to say "NO" without explaining yourself.

BIG HUGS!

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I love the password idea!