Monster in law??

She's his mother. They come as a package deal. If you can't deal with her, you shouldn't be getting married.

@ Elizabeth,

I have dealt with her for the past 4 years but she's never been this bad before, I'm just lost at how to handle this situation.

What does FH say about her behavior towards both of you? He should be standing up to her.

Talk to your FH about how you feel. He'll have to decide to start a new family with you and leave his mother's opinion behind. You two cannot have the wonderful relationship God intended if she is acting that way.

This is your FH responsibility to intervene too, just like it would be if roles were reversed. Try having a conversation with him about it. Tread with care though, it is a delicate subject! Good luck!

Don't call her a monster. It's immature.

If FH isn't standing up to his mom on your behalf you have a bigger issue on your hands.

As far as wedding planning, don't share details with her.

I don't get along with my FMIL so I just don't talk to her.

You might need to have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you love her son and want to make him happy with would include making her happy. She might be bitter about something small you did years ago or she might just be a bitter old lady.

Don't let her attitude get in the way of your love for your FH. Enjoy this time with him and maybe ask him what he recommends.

Sounds like something FH has to address, honestly. Hurt feelings are a part of life. My FMIL will be the other lady in a long white gown at the wedding, but she doesn't bother me nearly enough to be worth my effort. FH and I decided a while back to just disregard her. It's about maintaining a united front.

There are some boundaries that need to be addressed.

Or is he really young that she can "come get him?"

My FH's mother died a few years ago, and I would pretty much give anything to have had a real relationship with her.

I think you and your FH should get some counseling before you get married.

Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine but I hate when people use that term "monster in law". It's more of a reflection on the person making that comment than the person, but that's just me.

You both need counseling and he needs to establish boundaries. It's his circus. And you don't bring up the wedding planning to her, and you refuse her money. If she asks how planning is going, a short answer and topic change will be fine.

I totally have to agree with Elizabeth on this.

Go to counseling

Ugh. I can't help it when I see posts like this except to tell whoever is reading that not all in-laws are as great as yours... Being "family" does not give someone a free pass to treat others like shit and expect them to bend over and take it. When you get married, you and your spouse are the nuclear family and his mother should not be an equal part of your marriage and have an equal say in your decisions. He is not "caught in the middle" if he married you, he chose you.

My MIL was not part of a "package deal" I married my husband and no one else. My respect is earned and I will not be abused and taken advantage of, even by "family". If my husband would rather be a "package deal" with his mother, that's fine but it would be the end of our marriage and he can run home to suckle on her tit so her feewings don't get hurt instead of standing up for his wife.

It is healthy to have boundaries. It is healthy to have your own space. It is healthy to say no. If MIL throws a fit because she wants something, you don't have to do it. She's throwing a tantrum because you're teaching her that emotional manipulation works.

But ultimately, this is a husband problem not an in-law problem. Why is he so enmeshed with his mother and afraid to tell her no? Why would he rather you always be the one that gets hurt to chase after his mother's love and meet her unreasonable expectations?

You are not responsible for her feelings. FH is not responsible for her feelings. All he has to say is "We've got the wedding planning covered mom" See how easy? How she decides to respond to this is her own problem. When she freaks the fuck out (she will) it is not FH's job to coddle her and be her emotional band-aid. Do you want to live your whole life putting yourself last to cater to the whims of a needy/controlling/narcissistic woman?

Honestly FH needs to talk to his mom. Blood deals with blood and if he doesn't than you have an even bigger issue than your FMIL. I agree with PP counseling should be a priority.

Run!! I don't know what it is with men and their mothers, but he will never choose you over her!

"My MIL was not part of a "package deal" I married my husband and no one else."

Sorry, but when you marry someone, you marry the family they come with. You can be estranged from that family certainly, but they are still family and if your husband has a relationship with his mother, then you need to learn to cope OR you don't get married. Don't think you can marry a man (or a woman) and then make them choose between their parents and you. It doesn't work that way and brides who do such a thing learn that really fast.

I can't stand my fmil so I can relate. Talk to fh about setting boundaries. Don't phase her out. But be firm and put her in her place.

I have no experience in this area, but could you try talking to her? Maybe seeing you're here to stay and want a relationship will change her attitude?

I would definitely talk with him and if need be, seek counseling for the sake of your relationship. Remember she isn't going anywhere. I hope things get better for you! Prayers!!

FH needs to speak to her and be firm...this is something that you and him should discuss

Do you live with him and his mom? What age is he that his mom can threaten to pick him up?! I feel like there is a lot more to this.

I don't always respond back, but I'm in a feisty mood tonight..

So let me get this straight:

A. The couple wants to go out for a nice Valentines Day date

B. MIL is throwing a temper tantrum that her son would rather spend Valentines Day with his wife instead of his mother

C. The solution is to give in and let MIL have her way because they are a package deal and the evil bitch DIL is clearly in the wrong because mommy will never be outranked; she should have never gotten married and should never make MIL's precious baby boy choose between them?

Firstly, gross.

Secondly, I seriously don't understand.

I'm not talking about normal, respectful families and little disagreements.

I'm not being spiteful and saying keep your spouse away from his mother for no reason.

When anyone, not just your family, treats your spouse like shit and you say nothing, your silence is acceptance of the bad behavior. It's not "being stuck in the middle" it's stepping back and watching your spouse be abused because you never learned how to stand up for yourself and for others. Marriage is not silently accepting abuse because you can't say "no" to family.

Also on a much larger scale, recognize that there are people out there with truly dysfunctional families. It is especially dangerous to children to perpetuate the ideology that "family" can treat you poorly because "family" and teaching them to shut their mouths and ignore that uncomfortable feeling is how you groom them for future abuse.