Lauren
Just Said Yes July 2019

Money vs gifts

Lauren, on May 2, 2019 at 10:44 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 26
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Anyone get married right before a move? Help!




My fiance and I are getting married on July 13. Our wedding is 6 days before he starts his new job ACROSS THE COUNTRY. Because of the timing all of our things will be packed and gone so the gifts we receive at the wedding will have to be mailed (or something?) to us by our parents.




Anyone know of a cute and polite way to notify our guests of our situation and suggest that they donate to our house fund instead?

26 Comments

  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    There isn’t a polite way to mention gifts for a wedding as registry information etc should never accompany a wedding invitation. Do people bring physical gifts to weddings in your region/social circle? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything other than a card with money brought to a wedding.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    We are. We have to be out of our house on May 24, our wedding is May 25. 😩
    I honestly don’t think there’s a polite way to ask for money, just don’t register and people will get the idea!
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    There’s no polite way to ask for any type of gift, especially money. Don’t register and guests will detail to cash gifts.
    • Reply
  • Jessie
    Devoted May 2019
    Jessie ·
    • Flag
    We mentioned in our registry that we will be moving. We included packing materials and boxes on our registry. People got the hint and gave us cash
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Saying that people will “take the hint” and give you cash is something I’ve read on this site repeatedly and it does NOT work in my experience lol. People want to buy you tangible gifts so they can feel like they got you “something.” Cash is “impersonal.” But... you need cash? Yeah they don’t care. Tbh most people would rather feel good about themselves knowing “I BOUGHT THEM THEIR BLENDER” then giving you cash even when it’s what you actually want 🙄 if you can tell I’m still extremely annoyed by the fact that I am living with my mom until after the wedding and her ENTIRE LIVING ROOM is full of kitchen supplies that people have sent us, and I don’t even have a damn kitchen yet 😒 it’s super annoying but. My best advice is to just try to find things you need and have a small registry. Hopefully some people will give you cash but... if you don’t register at all then you will likely end up with the same amount of stuff, and it’ll be stuff you don’t want.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Register at blueprint.com or honeyfund.com

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We only received money at the wedding! We had quite a few people send us random gifts before the wedding even though we had a moderate size registry. I think people do what they like no matter what. I’ve just never seen people bring physical gifts to the ceremony or reception.
    • Reply
  • Fenja
    Rockstar June 2020
    Fenja ·
    • Flag

    I think a lot of people love to give physical gifts. You could register at Zola, they allow you to decide when the purchased items are shipped and where they are shipped to. That means if someone buys something for you online they notify you and you can set the shipping date etc. They also keep track of who buys which gift, so that you can write thank you cards before you have received the actual gift.

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  • Alycia
    Super July 2020
    Alycia ·
    • Flag
    Rather than asking for money, you can request that gifts be mailed to your new address. A lot of people shop online. It’s easy to send the gift to your new address.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This. And send people a card, we are changing our address. Please do not send any mail or packages to our old address after ( week before wedding). Hold them and send to our new address ( date 1 week after move) . Send that a month before the wedding, and put your new address on registry shipping with a hold date, at the same time. If you do not have a regular new address for post move, set up a mailboxes etc. Type near where you will be. They will hold packages. We did this due to moving, and more than 40 gifts were held back between our stop sending old address date, 2 weeks before the wedding, and 9 days after. Most by senders, 6 by registries. I think only 2 cards came to the wedding itself of about 230. Everyone respected our do not send after/ send there after dates and locations. A lot of people complain here about gifts coming after the wedding. But one reason it used to be traditional to send up to 2 weeks before a wedding, or to new address after honeymoon, was fewer people lived together before marriage. But registries long ago were set up for the practice, holding gift shipment.
    • Reply
  • S
    Dedicated May 2020
    Sandy ·
    • Flag
    I would give your guests both an option to donate to your house fund or to send a gift (delaying the delivery of the gift has been suggested and looks like a viable option). As for the cash part, just explain how you’ll be moving and would love some help on that. People then have the option to do what they please. I don’t think you’ll offend anyone or sound “tacky” if you have them options. Money gifts in my culture are the norm.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
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    Oh yeah it’s definitely possible that you’ll receive only or mostly money, I wasn’t saying no one will give money haha, I was just saying I don’t think people truly get the hint that not registering means you want money. We got sooo many “I didn’t see a registry!” texts and we’re just thinking..... correct.... you did not...... take the hint..... but people didn’t seem to, at least not our guests! 🤷🏻‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Christine
    Expert September 2020
    Christine ·
    • Flag

    I would just set up a cash fund registry through The Knot or Zola that you can link to on your website. On your website, you can explicitly tell your guests that since you are moving right after the wedding you cannot receive any gifts, but if they'd like to contribute to your future life they can give money towards this house fund or give you gift cards! And then ask if your families can spread the word to anyone who asks where you're registered. You don't want to just hope that people will take the hint and give cash if you aren't registered anywhere - in some circles people will take that as a hint to just give you a grill, an Instapot, etc. (which you definitely would not want to have to move)!

    Another option you can consider is including an insert with your invitation (maybe on the details card) that says "We will be moving right after the wedding and won't be able to accept any physical gifts on our special day." If you leave it at that, people will probably just give you cash/checks at the wedding. But you can also add a line afterwards that says "Your presence is all we would like! However, if you still want to contribute towards our life together, you can consider donating towards our house fund at X link."

    • Reply
  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah, also if people are going to give you physical gifts, they usually mail them to you before or after the wedding. I've also never seen physical gifts given at a wedding.

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    If you have a website, maybe put on there that you will be moving and will be all packed up by wedding day. Also, regardless of some comments on here, it really is a know your crowd situation. Just not registering and they will get the hint and give you cash doesn't work for everyone. My family could careless whether I register or not, they will bring their gifts, on wedding day no matter what. Some registries allow you to add your Ship To info on them and I think its Zola that lets you set up cash registries for different things.

    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
    • Flag

    I agree with everyone.

    1. You could do a small Zola registry for people who insist on giving gifts. You can have the gifts shipped later to your new home.

    2. Include a cash registry and mention that you're moving.

    3. Have your families spread the word you prefer cash.

    • Reply
  • Sherrie
    Expert August 2019
    Sherrie ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately like most everyone is saying there's no real way to do that. We're moving across the country and trying to see if the gifts can be shipped to our new house - Amazon registry will be set up so gifts are shipped out there. Beyond that we'll cram it all in the car and take it with us.
    • Reply
  • I
    Dedicated December 2019
    isabel1115 ·
    • Flag
    I know this will shock people on these boards but I actually know of 5 couples off the top of my head who blatantly asked for cash on their website and 1 who heavily instituted it. We’re not doing it and my mom complained the cash registry was overly complicated. Haha. Nobody I know thought what the other couples did was weird. It’s a know your crowd thing.

    I’ve been heavily relying on family to help us with word of mouth things too. Not just gifts but things like “the hotel block is on the website, here is the faq for anyone who asks you these questions etc.” So I say, if you can't say it blatantly, that's what word of mouth and family is for! Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Genevieve
    Dedicated March 2020
    Genevieve ·
    • Flag

    In my culture, the registry is used for the bridal shower and the wedding has no registry unless there are stuff left over from the shower registry and people want to help finish it off. The wedding gift is assumed to be cash. I've seen a few of my girlfriends explain there situation on the website so people realize there intent.

    • Reply
  • Brooke
    Savvy May 2020
    Brooke ·
    • Flag

    We had a link to our RSVPs online. On the website where they could RSVP was also a tab for our registry. We asked for small things from retailers but we also had a list of cash funds guests could donate to. We found that if we broke up the cash donations into categories, people were more likely to donate since they knew what they were donating to. Such as "new stove fund" or "kids school supplies fund".

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