Money Venting / Guilt

Wow!!! Ya’ll must have amazing jobs...must be nice.... I’m trying to keep my budget under $5,000 and think its insane to pay over $2k for a photographer, over $1k for food (not including dessert) and all the other stuff!!! The church i am looking at is thankfully coning in at $550 it looks like, but my ideal venue was over $5k ... ITS INSANE FOR ONE DAY!!!

I’m so sorry you’re going through that, it must be though. My fiancé used to feel the same way before until someone adviced him that it’s not about spending money on a simple night, it’s the night that you’re celebrating your hard work, love, and commitment to each other. So it’s important to make your partner happy and celebrate it because that it’s just the base/ beginning of the relationship and if you aren’t ready to start making each other happy then it’ll be harder throughout the relationship. My fiancé realized that money comes and goes and it isn’t about the money but about us being happy. I understand your FH’s worries, because we have almost the same budget. But it’s ok to say how you feel and what bothered you and you’re not ok with. Don’t settle for less because you’d end up regretting. Try to set a happy medium. Something he’s comfortable with and that also fits your needs. There’s different ways to save money and still have a good time. In every relationship there will always be something to compromise. Don’t get me wrong compromise doesn’t mean to ignore their feelings/worries at the expense of others, but if both aren’t happy there might be some resentment in the long run.


https://youtu.be/QE450Yc4Zn8
I’ve been watching this video from a wedding planner on YouTube that helps a lot on how to save money, who to invite, how to approach things, etc. Hope it helps and best of luck!

Sometimes I felt guilty.

But.

1. We live in an expensive area.

2. We had help.

3. DH and I almost never spend money on ourselves, and don't like asking for help (above was offered).

So... we gave ourselves permission to throw a really great party.

Yes Ma'am! My FH and I felt uncomfortable with the thought of spending more than $5,000 on a wedding. Mind you, we still do not own a house and I'm still paying off student loans. If I were in a better situation where I was debt free and owned a home, then I would be happy to spend a lot more on a wedding. It's all situation based.
I've had several loved ones say they regret spending all that money on a wedding, but they too had several debts. I highly encourage you to stick with the budget you and your boo agreed on. It sounds like he was NOT trying to hurt you at all. He wanted to meet u in the middle by having an actual wedding vs courthouse civil marriage and he just wants to stick with a fair budget. Cheer up, baby girl. Focus on spending forever with your love 💘

I don't necessarily feel guilty about spending the money, and I am pretty cheap! We want to have the wedding the way we want to remember it always. We are skimping on a lot of things, while still creating the vision we have such as having friends with photographry business, DJ businesses and real flowers vs silk flowers, and a lot of DIY since FH is handy. My bridesmaids are willing to help out with crafting so it actually makes it more fun. I thought we had a very healthy budget and we are paying for most of it ourselves, but hey, get the day you want. The money is worth it especially if the venue is what you have always dreamed of. Weddings are just super expensive! I think I am in the wrong business!


Your wedding is going to be beautiful no matter the budget or how much you go over the budget, etc because your love is what is beautiful and what should be celebrated. Good luck with the rest of planning!

I don’t feel guilty, but I don’t like spending the money. I tried saying we should just have my aunt (who is a minister) do a quick legal thing in the yard, but my fiancé said he’d regret not having a wedding. My mother was also very upset at the idea since I’m her only child. While I’m looking forward to the wedding and extra excited about certain parts, every time I think about the cost, it bothers me. We don’t own a house yet, and what we’re spending on the wedding could be going to that instead.

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I don't think it's necessarily "insane" depending on how many people you have, especially the $1k for food. If you have 50 people (a small number for a wedding), $1,000 is $20 per person. Can you go to a restaurant and serve apps and dinner and a side salad for $20/person? Probably not. It sounds like a lot but when you look at the size of the crowd, it's not that much. I do think some places are crazy expensive, though.

I'm a money person, so I have a lot of thoughts on this.

We originally wanted our wedding to be $10k...we are way past that, probably around $18k (150-175 guests invited). Do I wish we could/will have spent less? Absolutely. But I do think we're shaping up to get pretty good bang for our buck, since we are thrifting and DIYing a lot of stuff. Had we not, I think our wedding would probably be pushing $30k, which would be "too much" for me. My FI definitely had sticker shock when he saw what this was going to cost, but part of it is just that you're holding an event for a large amount of people. Food, alcohol, tables and chairs - it all adds up.

That being said, quite frankly, we (I) have the money for it. I have a decent-paying job, I save a lot, we don't have debt. You mentioned that y'all "have more than that in the bank"...I don't know how much more that is, but if you have $15k in the bank, I would not be planning a $13k wedding. I would be shooting for $5-$7k at the most. Your financial health and safety net come before the wedding.

I would take a closer look at your budget and identify what's really important to you and see what you can pare down, find secondhand, eliminate, etc. A bridal bus never would have crossed my mind as something to have; we aren't even planning on formal transportation.