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Dedicated June 2021

Money Venting / Guilt

Doxie Mom, on August 14, 2020 at 4:43 PM Posted in Planning 0 28
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My FH is a realtor and told me about a nice sale he will be getting and I jokingly said "now we can have a really nice wedding" and his response was "NO we already are spending so much money just for a day" (our budget is $13k and we have more than that in bank), and that response lead me to break down crying. (Im sure it over reacted but it just hurt)

We have been openly discussing financing and I always make sure to ask if something is okay before we decide on it. The majority of the budget gets taken up from our venue which is $3,400 but we agreed to that thinking it will be easier because they do all the set up, have the chairs tables, and its already decorated with lights. I've skimped in other places, (getting a lesser known band, and photographer, not getting a bridal bus I've always wanted) to save money, I could easily doubled the cost. He is def the bread winner ( I do make a decent living too) but I handle most of the finances.

His response just hurt me saying its crazy to spend that much money. When we got engaged I suggested a courthouse wedding, but he wanted a party, and I dont like the idea of a non-formal backyard bbq (fine for others but not my vision if i'm going to be spending money)


Just wondering if other people feel guilt about spending all this money (no one is really pitching in) and did you regret it? Or if you felt bad about spending money but were so happy with the results it didnt matter afterwards.


ugh. vent over


thanks ladies Smiley heart

28 Comments

Latest activity by Tiger Bride, on August 17, 2020 at 11:53 AM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag

    I definitely had my moments where i felt bad for spending so much on a day too. but i never spent more than i could handle ya know? i made sure to spend what was within my means. i think it's just intimidating overall to think of so much money going towards something in general

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I originally thought that spending even $10,000 on a wedding was insanity. I planned to be a super low-key bride. But, once you start planning and realizing what things cost, I think that changes. Especially once you have a vision in your head about how you want that day to go. I finally just gave up on trying to be a low budget bride. I realized I only get this day once in my entire life, and I never want to look back on it with regret. I now have zero feelings of guilt when it comes to spending money on the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    I don’t have guilt at all. But we definitely said we didn’t want to go over $10,000 and I stand firm with that. I definitely see where your fiancé is coming from with not wanting to spend a ridiculous amount in one day, I don’t blame him lol. If your budget it $13,000 I feel like it’s a lot that you two can do with that.
    • Reply
  • Annika
    Expert November 2020
    Annika ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    EXACTLY THIS!! We origianally were on a small budget of $6k, but after stressing and stressing about finding a venue in budget but also accomadating my large family and my moms billion friends, we decided to contribute as well. Then I kept adding things lol so now along with the rehersal dinner and our mini-moon we are at $13K. I feel guilty about it but at the same time I really want my wedding to be what I've dreamed of!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I think that really could have been a timing thing. He just closed on a big sale (he’s prob been working super hard on) and your reaction was “now we can have a really nice wedding”. I would be hurt by that.
    • Reply
  • D
    Dedicated June 2021
    Doxie Mom ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I dont think that was it at all, we are super supportive of each other always Smiley winking

    • Reply
  • Leanne
    Super September 2020
    Leanne ·
    • Flag
    That’s a tough one to answer because everyone’s situation on paying for a wedding is different.


    For us, I paid for my photographer, videographer, and day of coordinator, along with a ton of decor. I didn’t ask my fiancé to chip in at all... I wasn’t going to be told no LOL 😂
    My parents are paying for the venue, the caterer, the florist, and alcohol. My fiancé paid for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.
    For me personally, I don’t regret a single dime I’ve spent on the wedding, and I know that by myself I’ve spent....a lot. I’m also 30, and if I was younger I know I wouldn’t have been able to swing everything I’ve paid for.
    My best advice, find out what your top priorities are (mine was photography), and don’t spend outside your means.
    Sidenote, I’m sure your fiancé didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Boys tend to have a different view on what things “should “cost, that’s why I left mine out of it for the most part LOL.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I was thinking that, too. Maybe he already thinks you are having a nice wedding and was hurt that you are disparaging what has already been planned.

    Sounds like you both need to communicate and compromise better. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • D
    Dedicated June 2021
    Doxie Mom ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I dont think so at all! We communite great, thanks though!

    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    OK, then I guess I don't understand how he made you cry. But in any case, I hope you two can get to a place where you are both happy with your $13k wedding.

    • Reply
  • Belle
    Rockstar August 2022
    Belle ·
    • Flag
    Wedding could be expensive, it’s scary how things adds up. I thought we are going to spend about 8,000-10.000 on our intimate vow renewal / wedding in total. DH chose our bands from Tiffany and that was already over $7,500. I paid $3,500 for the wedding dress and reception dress. I also paid my kids 4 dresses and 4 suits and the shoes which is maybe around $600. Then the venue, which we still disagree on which add on to pick. DH thinks the arches ($600-2000) are needed, but I think it looks great on photographs and I want in room and first look photos. And my bouquet would be around $500. Our tickets to Hawaii are around $2,700, and we still need 2 hotel rooms for 1,5-2 weeks, which is probably around $4,800. Not yet food and entertainment while we are there 🙈 That’s over $20,000 already 😅
    • Reply
  • D
    Dedicated June 2021
    Doxie Mom ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    We are happy, the question was do you feel guilty spending the money

    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Ah, OK. Nope, no guilt for either of us. But we also had a much less expensive wedding and we both were on the same page for budget and vision.

    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated September 2020
    B2B2020 ·
    • Flag
    We knew what our average was and it's more than I thought I would ever spend. However we had a vision and in order to achieve it we knew there would be a cost. It's not just one day however ...we have 2 days before of bachelorette parties/bachelor party, golfing,massages,rehearsal and our rehearsal dinner than our big day. So it does come at a cost. I'm sure he didn't mean it, we got frustrated a few times while saving...but knew we were going to be able to have the experience we wanted.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    I have never felt a day of guilt about the money we spent on our wedding. It was a perfect day and our dream wedding. It might only be one day, but you hopefully only have one wedding. So I think you should have everything you want (and can afford).
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I think most people who are on the page don’t feel guilty. Does HE feel guilty? Seems like that’s who you should be talking to about this, honestly. If he’s not happy with how much is being spent, that should be discussed openly.
    • Reply
  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't say that I felt guilty, however I would have rather spent the money on other things since most things the wedding industry makes people believe are necessary actually aren't. It's understandable that he didn't like the suggestion to spend even more money on the wedding than was already planned.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Dedicated September 2020
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    The grooms never seem to understand that a wedding ISN'T cheap! Don't let it discourage you from your special day. I'm sure it will be perfect either way!

    • Reply
  • Honey
    Savvy July 2022
    Honey ·
    • Flag
    I definitely felt guilty. I’ve always wanted a big wedding but I didn’t think I would be in the position I’m currently in. I’m a student with no job and my fiancé is the only one making money. He makes a pretty good amount which is why he’s able to give me the wedding that I want.


    I’ve included him in everything that has to do with wedding and to be honest he’s chosen a lot of the expensive decorations which has made me feel a little less guilty.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    FH and I are paying ourselves. But we’re keeping it to $20k for 60 guests... not bad (rings and honeymoon not included). So, I don’t feel guilty because we’re obviously not breaking the bank at all. BUT, I’m also completely realistic about the fact that (yes) it’s a lot of money for a day/weekend. No matter how much we all try and justify it, the truth is... it’s a lot of money for a party! 🤷🏽‍♀️😂 But, if it starts to create feelings of guilty, that might mean there’s something about the budget to re-evaluate. It would really suck to look back and have buyer’s remorse once the actual honeymoon is over.
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