Money arguments venting/advice

This definitely happens. My mom is in the wedding business and see family blow up at each other all the time from money-induced stress.

It makes sense, weddings can cost more than expected! Maybe ask your mom to sit down and have a chat about how to move forward. List out the things that still need to happen and how those things are payed for so no one is surprised when the bill comes and the energy can be put on the wedding and love.

It may be that your mom thinks you are throwing away her money. Most couples do not offer to help pay for groomsmen or BMs outfits. To say you cannot control costs is a bit of a cop out. Your saying that you will pay for some stuff, but you are going over budget on her stuff is aggravating. Not certain what you can do now, other than recognize you did have control and apparently went over budget.

How is that a cop out? Things like catering and flowers will fluctuate depending on head counts and that is out of my control until I recieve all RSVP's back. Those estimates will be at their highest in the beginning and go down from there, but they won't go up. We did not go over budget anywhere actually.. But thanks for your input anyways.

Everyone paying has been involved in all meetings with vendors for the wedding so everyone is aware of where we are at currently with costs, and everyone is on the same page. I'm just starting to think everyone is stressing out because all vendors want final payments around the same time, which is understandable!

We paid for the majority of daughter & SIL's wedding. We started by telling them exactly how much total we were willing to spend, so they knew up-front what our maximum was. We told them if they spent less, the extra was theirs to do with as they wanted. If they spent more, the difference was their responsibility. In the big picture it worked pretty well and daughter was very mindful of the total budget. When we were done, they were within about 2% of the agreed upon budget. (We shared a detailed budget spreadsheet in a Google doc, so either of us could see exactly where we were and what the remaining balances and due dates were.) Even so, there were a couple times toward the end of planning (we worked very closely together, by her choice) when she was considering adding things in (one small example was $55 flower crowns for the flower girls...), when I spoke up and told her I thought that was a waste of money regardless of who was paying for it, I know she was initially mad that I spoke up. Once she thought about it though, she agreed and we ended up finding silk flower headbands at Kohl's for about $5 each. I think it's really easy toward the end to pay less attention to the financial totals, but I also think if anyone has generously agreed to contribute, the B&G need to be mindful of the limits of those contributions. Were your parents clear about what their total budget was and what that included? Honestly, my husband/FOB was a little clueless and didn't understand why the new suit we bought for him to wear to the wedding and my dress didn't fall under "the wedding budget," so I understand how there can be different perceptions and expectations. I'd calmly sit down and talk with your mom, reminding her how much you appreciate all they are doing. Then I'd talk through exactly where you are with the total budget/expenditures and clarify what your parents can pay for and what you'll be covering. Depending on what's going on, even with the best planning, those last weeks of writing BIG checks can be kind of overwhelming.... Good luck!