Mom walking me down the aisle, but dad will be at wedding

Do what you want, it's your wedding not theirs. If you feel your mother has been the biggest part of your life, regardless of whether the father is there or not, have her walk with you. Tradition is tradition but it doesn't define what we have to do in life.

I don't think you should ask someone out of pressure. I also don't think who pays for the wedding has anything to do with it.

The reality is b/c dads usually walk the bride down the aisle, the fact that you are choosing your mom instead may call some attention to the strained relationship you have with your dad. (Especially if your guests are very traditional people.) It's not a reason to ask your dad, just something to consider.

If you are 100% sure you want only your mom there's nothing wrong with that. I would just make sure your dad understands what's going on and isn't blindsided on the day.

FWIW, I was estranged from my dad for several years just after college. But we've since repaired and are rebuilding our relationship. If I had excluded him from my wedding, I would now look back and regret it. That doesn't mean that will happen for you. But if you have any interest in rebuilding this relationship with your dad, it's just something to consider.

GL.

I think you are doing the right thing by letting your mother walk you down. Like you said, she deserves the honor. Others may not understand because its outside the tradition ..but really who cares? Let your mother walk you down. You will not regret it.

I recently ran into a similar situation. Father and I haven't had the greatest relationship for the past 15 years. I just found out he doesn't like my FH, and believes we will not last. (Mind you I've been with FH for 5years and we have a 4 year old daughter together). And now that I'm piecing things together from over the years, I think it has to do with FH race. (FH-White, Me- Mexican)

So, I've decided to walk down the aisle alone. I was thinking of my mother to walk me down too, but I've decided to give her a Mother Daughter dance instead of having the Father Daughter dance.

I'm happy with my decision, and in the end, that's what really matters. What will YOU be happy with?

I just realized I didn't explain well-

The reason I considered what other people would think, is only b/c I tend to be pretty private and protective of my family relationships. I wouldn't want some stranger judging me or my dad on my wedding day (FH's family can be kind of judgy). To me, that would cause me stress on the day, b/c they would make comments about it. But that's really unique to my situation. Just wanted to explain!

Still- if I was completely estranged from my dad, or if I felt very strongly about it, I would have asked my mom only, no matter what.

I think it just depends on whatever is most important to you.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you!

It's your wedding. To hell what the other people have to say. Do what makes you happy. You don't have to buck to tradition. I'm having only my sister stand with me as my MOH. It's a small wedding. My FH may have a BM or even a GM and BM depending who he invites , asks and who accepts the invite.

I am so glad you posted this! I am in a similar situation myself. My dad was not abusive to me by any means, but he just never made me a priority in his life and I have an amazing relationship with my mom. My dad will be at the wedding, but my mom is walking me down the aisle and I'm having a mother/daughter dance rather than a father/daughter dance. I made this decision because my dad has not done anything to deserve to be the one to walk me down the aisle. I want my mom to be the one to give me away! I think you are making the right decision!!

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If your mom is the one you want, then have her walk with you. I had my mother walk me down the aisle, I also had an abusive father but haven't seen him in 12 years, nor was he at my wedding. I understand your situation is a bit sticky, but don't feel pressured by others- your mom deserves this honor, NOT your dad.

I can completely understand where you're coming from. I have almost excalty the same experience as yourself.

After talking it over with my FH I've decided to let my father walk me down...but only becuase he will be there and because My FH's Family likes to Gossip...and we thought it would be best way to keep his family from asking questions or trying to find out "why". I really don't want any of them trying to pry into a part of my life that is very personal. My FH understands and knows my situation w/my father. we both agreed this was the best way to handle it in my particular situation.

Thank you all for your responses! Kris S., you make a great point. I think my main concern is just that -- calling attention to the strained relationship. But I suppose my situation is different. My FH's family is aware of the strained relationship w/my dad because I am relatively close with my FMIL, and she talks to her family...which doesn't bother me. My family attending the wedding also knows about our past, so I suppose that aspect of it wouldn't really bother me. I guess the only thing that would is embarrassing my dad a bit....I really want to escape this guilt because he never cared about embarrassing me, and not only never cared to have a real relationship with me, but was abusive like I said to boot. Just need to get over my guilt. Thank you all for your reassurance & encouragement!