Mom says she’s not excited..

View Quoted Comment OMG! That’s wild.. I can’t believe she did that

Aw sorry. my mom did not feel that excited for mine either. i don't think it's that they are not happy for us but that they don't outwardly show it the way we would want or hope for

Honestly my mom wasn’t excited either. It’s hard for me because she too raves about my sister and her family-basically anything that happens to them, so I definitely felt a little slighted given this is an important day for me. We’d talk every few days and she’d at least ask about how planning was going but not really care about my responses. dress shopping she was just kinda checked out. But that’s my mom. I know what to expect from her and for the first few decisions I was upset she wasn’t more into planning with me but then I realized it’s not fair to expect her to act any differently than she ever used to-just because of this event.


Sounds like you know your moms behavior too so don’t get too upset about it. It’s your day and she’s going to act however she’s going to act leasing up to it.

If your post is the whole story, then I would advise you to humbly apologize to your mother. Your wedding is a full year away. Excitement is not a prolonged state for most people. Usually it is a short term response that levels off to a more everyday calm, getting excited again only if something happens, or the event is very close. Lots of people don't get excited about dress shopping. As she says, it is a year and more away. And you sound like you are comparing what you are perceiving as different excitement levels in the way I would expect of a child or teen, not an adult. And punishing her by taking away the thing that excited her most is not only not adult, but a truly mean thing to do, based on jealousies or some very judgemental and negative views of her not being excited enough. How awful. A year from your wedding, and this is how you act? Expect others to either be angry or lose respect for you, when they hear what you have done to your mother. Most people have a low opinion of those who would treat their mom this way, over these issues.

View Quoted Comment 1st off you don’t know the whole story. You can’t judge me based on what little I have shared with you.

View Quoted Comment She has also constantly been saying during the pandemic that maybe it’s a sign for us not to get married.. she does badmouth us a lot an we have done so much for her. I am done getting hurt

View Quoted Comment And I was originally getting married on June 13 this year and because of the pandemic we pushed it back.

View Quoted Comment Which is why I started with, "If this is the whole story, then ..." When you post and ask for advice, expect people to answer based on what is in your primary post.
And you don't mention prior toxic relationship. Why in heck would anyone invite their mom dress shopping, or ask her to be in her bridal party, unless they are so exceptionally close, they are closer than any of bride's friends? That does not sound like a prior toxic relationship. ... Separate from that, some people participate when asked out of a sense of obligation. You should not have asked her opinion, company shopping, or for her to be in the wedding party at all. Just be amonst the general family. Maybe you were trying to create something nicer than what you had before, instantly. Sad to say, in my experience at age 39, when people ask someone they have little relationship with, or

View Quoted Comment Well I know that now... I thought that this would bring her and I closer... I don’t see what is wrong with that. Clearly I was naive but I tried to help the relationship the best I could. Sorry I’m not completely comfortable in sharing my life with the world. I just wanted advice on a situation without going into detail on my whole life story. I live in a very small community with little contact with others due to the pandemic

View Quoted Comment Besides it is clearly obvious that I do not have friends.. just in laws and this family

View Quoted Comment And yes it is sad that people can’t have a relationship with family members. It happens to a lot of people. Just because it didn’t happen to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

Sorry, not done ... or a bad relationship, to do something to pull them close, it sometimes works for a short time, one shot deal. I asked my mom, or sister, or brother's girlfriend , to gout to a concert and hotel overnight, and to my surprise, it was great. That kind of thing works, for a first baby step forward. Many such occurances, and a determination on both side to make things work, may work over a long period. But never, that I have seen , has jumping from toxic or even merely don't know each other, made a change by itself. No positive feelings over the long term before, that is not going to change. A forced relationship, now I am bride, you are BM or MOH is doomed from the start. That was a misyake, And I am sorry if you invrsted a lot of hope in things changing. People often do not change over time. And never immediately. ... In fact, most people you are close enough to, still are not particularly excited until the last months, even when great friends to start with. ... TV Unreality shows and social media that is advertiser paid ( including the knot and wedding wire) makes money by selling a fairy tale. It creates false expectations of relationships. Human nature does not change for those who beleve them. Usually, false expectations just lead to a big let down when reality sets in. That is a major part of the few month long depression about 20% of brides go into sometime in the last 6 weeks before to 1st 3-4 months of marriage. Let down with nothing else wrong, just riding on a happy cloud of false expectations that "if I do this and this, all will be magical and happy." Then crash, when there is no happy plan making to cover all the cracks. For those who started with major proboems, and false expectations, it usually is an angry bitter fall, plus depression. A hard comeback for relationships. There is a chance to change that course. You have a year. But first, give it a rest til fall. Minimize contact with mom. Maybe see a counsellor, or pastor, to work on how you can turn this big ship of disaster around, and at least get a civil and workable relationship . It may take a year or two. But for starters, lose the sibling jealousy. Or it will poison your relationship with brother and FSIL too. Frankly, it does not matter who else people you love have a better relationship than you. What matters is getting the toxic part out. There is always an assumption that mothers get along with daughters best around marriage time. But actually, sometimes they have less invested in a son. They feel son is already perfect. But in daughter, they take out every difference of opinion as a criticism of how mom herself is. Arrogant daughter wants to be different from mom, while mom wants daughter to be just like her. And mom projects every failing her husband or other guy or own DAD had, and sees it in the boyfriend. Whom she never gets to know, pushes away. This can change, but it will take time. ... The first time I met my FFIL was after engagement, a six hour drive. And at Sunday dinner, in f

Continued ... in front of 6 grown kids and their families and a few older relatives, told me, I don't even know what you are ir who you are or where you come from, and am not at all certain that we will let you marry our son T. ( then 26, on his own 8 years.) And proceeded to ask me questions and rip every answer. We gey on wonderfully now. It took two years AFTER marriage for him to admit his son was happier with me since he had ever been since mid teens. That the home warmth and goals we had and worked for, were close to his own in many values. And others, we had to agree to disagree. And then we adooted two children, and the peace we had made with each other let him be a great grandfather to our adoptive kids, and subsequent bio kids. It can be done.

View Quoted Comment It is a hard thing. And often if you look for help on line, you get articles on how asking mom or a friend to do lots of things wedding, all problems disappear. But that is the fairy tale they sell. And it often just gets you in close enough contact to irritate each other more. Say yes to the dress pushed Mom's and whole bridal parties coming to pick out gowns. With a couple of years, many salons started rules against more than a couple people. Reality, the more people, more chance if a disagreement with one, different opinions. And unlike a tv show, they cannot errase it and film it again.
Work on things after giving it a few months of rest. Build a planning relationship and intimacy with FI. He is the new family you are making. After marriage, He is first, people you get on with in family next, then those you don't get nice nothings. Yeah, we are working on this. We have a plan, are working on first. Non-critical of their ideas, just non-response. But nothing she can argue with. And further opinions fall in to the void, no response. I wish you the best. Relationships with family and friends are half of why peoole post here. Whatever you say, won't bliw back on you. So come back.

I’m so sorry you're going through this! I wish I had good advice to give you, but I don’t. I can tell you that I’m going through the exact same thing though. My mom never even acted happy that I got engaged. She’s been a bump on the log even after insisting that she be invited to dress shopping in venue shopping, she acted like that she didn’t want to be there the entire time. It’s very painful when the people who should love you the most don’t. When they should support you during this exciting time in your life. I guess try to forgive her and be as patient as you can. But I know that’s difficult. I’m walking the same road with you, for what it’s worth. 😢❤️