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Savvy August 2021

Mom says she’s not excited..

Sara, on June 4, 2020 at 10:55 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 35
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So when I got engaged my mom seemed happy. But not excited or overjoyed.. I asked her to be my maid of honor and she was super excited about it. My brother also got engaged after I did and she has been more interested and excited in that. She didn’t really enjoy dress shopping or any venue hunting with us. And today. I looked at her and said and I quote:”I am so excited to get married mom! Are you?” And she said this exactly: “well it’s not like you’re getting married tomorrow so what do you want me to say?” Prior to this, she had been raving about my brothers wedding and how happy she was. She’s never mentioned mine.. After she said this, I told her that hurt my feelings and she replied repeatedly that she said nothing wrong and stood by it. I love my mom but after she said this I was/am so hurt.. I told her she couldn’t be my maid of honor after that. I dunno.. I need advice

35 Comments

Latest activity by Maisey, on June 11, 2020 at 1:59 PM
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Maybe she'll be more excited when it's closer to time. Maybe she's excited but not showing it.
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  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
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    I am sorry you're going through this. My own mother is the same (although I did not ask her to be my MOH) and I am the Eldest with no competing sibling weddings. Do you have any friends or you FH do be excited about the wedding with? I would just talk to them about the wedding and not your mom.

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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Maybe.. but ever since we postponed the wedding to next year she keeps saying “maybe this is a sign” and it is really sounding like she is not in favor of the wedding.. she ALWAYS mentions my brothers wedding and talks about it 24/7. She even gets emotional and happy. She hasn’t for me or my fiancé. Almost like it’s a burden.. I just don’t want someone who is not 100% supportive as my right hand gal. I’m just hurt. Maybe it’s because I’m adopted and my brother is biological to her? Idk...
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Yeah I have one option but we are not exactly best friends but she’s honestly the closet thing to a best friend that I’ve ever had. She’s supper supportive. I just hate how toxic my mom is about all of this. And she’s obviously devastated about being kicked out of the bridal party. I still want to include her as the mother of the bride and all of that
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Plus me and mom have always had a rough relationship. Very toxic. You’d be shocked at the things she’s done as a mom. But I’ve put that behind me for the most part.. I’m trying to be accommodating to her but the backlash is too
    Much
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  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would absolutely hate it if my mom was this way. Now my mom was being cautious when my FH & I first started dating, but she warmed up to him fast and has been beyond excited that I’m getting married. Now, is she excited about all the little details I want to ramble on about? Probably not. But you said she’s talking excitedly about your brother’s wedding, so yeah it would hurt terribly that she’s not showing the same enthusiasm toward yours. Have you called her on that directly? Maybe talk to her and say I see you doing this and this about his, but it seems that you feel this and this about mine and that really hurts me that you don’t feel the same way about mine that you do his.
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Unfortunately yes I’ve attempted that. And every time I bring it up she gets so offended about it and angry. I don’t do it out of impulse I have sat her down and calmly discussed it with her but she keeps getting so upset and angry. She never has given me a reason. My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. My brother and his fiancé are in exact alignment of time.
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    To be honest it sounds to be like your Mom either really doesn’t like your fiancé and hasn’t disclosed that she doesn’t think they’re the one for you, or perhaps she might actually be a little bit envious that you’re going through this wonderful time in your life. She is your mom but it doesn’t preclude her from maybe being a little envious of you right now?
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Honestly this could be very true. My fiancé has been at her beckoning call to so. Maybe you’re right on that.
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  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
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    I wish there was an easy solution. Relationships are messy, the closer we are with someone the messier they can be. But I do agree with retracting the MOH role. I feel like your bridesmaids, especially your MOH should be someone who will listen to you babble about all the little details that you think will make your day perfect. And not just listen with a ho-hum attitude but get excited for you even about the silly things.
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Thank you. I really appreciate that I’m not going crazy or anything lol. It’s just difficult because she puts on a face in the public eye but behind the scenes.. she’s just.. a monster
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  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
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    I have a narcissistic mother who twisted the way I understand my self and relates my cancer to a minor heart attack she had fifteen years ago. I understand. Sometimes in order to be happy you have to live for you and not try and please everyone, even if that person is your mother!

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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Omg! I’m so sorry that she’s trying to victimize herself over what you’re going through! My mother told me to get over a friend who committed suicide because he wasn’t important to her... I’ve tried to forgive her but... I cant
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    Honestly as a bride I’m not excited any longer. Unless she paying for stuff like venue, I wouldn’t take her for her opinion. Covid has really taken the joy out of wedding planning. Ask her what she’d like to participate in and what she sees as an awesome wedding for you. Or better yet, ask her about her Wedding day and what made it special.

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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Sounds like you two are pretty close. Maybe your mom is just a little sad about you getting married and “leaving” her. So she has trouble discussing your wedding.
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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    You know her more then I would and I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm hoping that's not the case..
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If your relationship has always been rough and very toxic, then I'm not sure why you asked her to be a part of your wedding party especially as your maid of honor.
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  • Annika
    Expert November 2020
    Annika ·
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    I feel this...my mom is only excited to buy decorations, and be given tons of attention as the MOB. My parents are pretty emotionally abusive, especially towards my fiance (we've been dating for 4 years, theyve never been kind to him) and any time i bring up the wedding she seems annoyed. But thats pretty much everyones reaction so idk maybe im the problem lol. 😅😭
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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    I thought it would bring us closer and help create more of a loving bond. Boy was I wrong
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Unfortunately, I think weddings tend to do the opposite. They often create drama, stress and show people's true colors. My former best friend was supposed to be my maid of honor, but our friendship was destroyed because I found out she was badmouthing my husband and I while planning our wedding.
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