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Brittany
Dedicated October 2019

Mom has invited too many ppl and i feel helpless

Brittany, on August 6, 2019 at 7:55 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 25

So the thing is, my Mom threw a shower for me. I didn’t want it, I actually canceled it twice...but I eventually had it to satisfy her. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of helping her get a dress together. I told her only close friends and close family. She said okay. Needless to say I show up...
So the thing is, my Mom threw a shower for me. I didn’t want it, I actually canceled it twice...but I eventually had it to satisfy her. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of helping her get a dress together. I told her only close friends and close family. She said okay.

Needless to say I show up to my shower and see her cousins, and my dads cousins...it was great to see them, but they aren’t “close” family. Now my guest list has grown more than 20 because I have to invite them... and I’m really stressed about it. My venue can hold that, it’s just going to be super cramped. Any tips on how to deal with the stress and resentment I feel towards this situation?

oh and my mom invited her whole work familySmiley sad I feel helpless....
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25 Comments

  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    If she's not paying for the wedding she doesn't get to invite people. Tell her she needs to talk to her invites that you weren't planning on inviting and explain to them that the guest list is already full. Unless she wants to start chipping in.

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  • Brittany
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Yes! I definitely care about her. And every time I tell her to please stop inviting ppl, she kinda just says “okay BRITTANY” or “WHAT”...and our conversation is over. But putting it on paper will definitely help her see. Thanks for taking the time to give me adviceSmiley smile
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    PPs have already given you lots of great advice! I'd just like to say this is a bad reflection on your mother, and not you!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    For years the general rule was, mothers of the bride go overboard and controlling beyond usual boundaries, and should never do showers. Actually, many are fine. And they often do them now. But many end up in the stereotypical control battle, mom wanting half the world invited to give daughter the biggest party and get the most gifts . And showing little respect for guest lists, often inviting all the people B and G said cannot come to the wedding , quite deliberately. I would simply cancel, and decline the party if there were more than 2-3 not on the wedding list. MOG is blackmailing you with this. You will look bad, and be humiliated to ha e them come, with no invitation. So she is extorting 10-20 wedding invitations, plus SO, that you originally said no to. Decline the party. Don't be bullied at your wedding. She made the mess, quite deliberately. She can clean it up and apologize to everyone. With no one not previously on your list getting an invitation to the wedding.
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  • T
    Beginner August 2025
    Tiffany ·
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    Caytlyn is right, you're not at fault here, she is. Just explain to her that your budget is limited for the closest of the close. I'm sure as your mother she'll understand and apologize.
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