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Dedicated October 2019

Mom has invited too many ppl and i feel helpless

Brittany, on August 6, 2019 at 7:55 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25

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So the thing is, my Mom threw a shower for me. I didn’t want it, I actually canceled it twice...but I eventually had it to satisfy her. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of helping her get a dress together. I told her only close friends and close family. She said okay.

Needless to say I show up to my shower and see her cousins, and my dads cousins...it was great to see them, but they aren’t “close” family. Now my guest list has grown more than 20 because I have to invite them... and I’m really stressed about it. My venue can hold that, it’s just going to be super cramped. Any tips on how to deal with the stress and resentment I feel towards this situation?

oh and my mom invited her whole work family

I feel helpless....

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25 Comments

Latest activity by Tiffany, on August 7, 2019 at 8:53 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 6, 2019 at 7:58 AM
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Tell her that you cannot invite these people to the wedding and she needs to explain that to them. She's the one who looks bad here, not you. Don't expand your budget and your guest list to accomodate her mistake.
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:02 AM
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Thanks for your advice Caytlyn. It’s great to get outside feedback!
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on August 6, 2019 at 8:10 AM
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The sad thing is that she will have some explaining to do to those who she took it upon herself to invite.

The work ladies and extended family will have to be told, by her, that they are unable to be invited. Say it’s due to the venues guest limit and the limit had been reached prior to the shower.
Maybe someone can live stream it for them?

I am sorry your mom put you in this spot. That sucks. I think you should sit down with her and have a heart to heart tho. Best of luck.
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:13 AM
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Thanks Jennifer. I love my Mom, and I want her to be happy but this is my wedding. I was going to try to accommodate her wishes, but maybe I should just have a heart to heart and compromise the situation
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Devoted April 2020
Sara · on August 6, 2019 at 8:14 AM
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I have to agree, I would tell her that you can not invite these extra guests. She definitely should’ve asked you first. Be honest and let her know it’s causing unnecessary stress and worry on you. I think you’ll feel better once you tell her your concerns. I’m sure her heart was in the right place but it is your wedding day.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 6, 2019 at 8:16 AM
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I think this is the best.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on August 6, 2019 at 8:17 AM
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Keep in mind that while she is your mom, she created this uncomfortable situation. And that she may be the type to push if you give in. Set your boundaries BEFORE you go, and not just on guest list, and stick to the resolve. It hurts but it’s needed so people don’t run rough shod over Your, and FH, day!
I speak from experience. With FMIL, FSD & my former MOH.
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on August 6, 2019 at 8:22 AM
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She may not have realized that inviting them to the shower meant inviting them to the wedding. I would take a look at your guest list, and the size that you think the venue can comfortably hold and let her know that only X number of these additional people can come.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on August 6, 2019 at 8:23 AM
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Sorry this is happening. You should have a serious but heartfelt talk with your mom and let her know that she can't be inviting all these people. Boundaries must be set, just like Jennifer said. The work friends can be told that the venue has reached its max. It may seem odd to them that they are being told this, after being invited to the wedding, but that's your mom's doing and she really needs to rectify the situation. She shouldn't of invited them without you and your partner's consent. So she'll have to be the one to deal with the sticky situation. Wishing you the best
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:23 AM
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Thanks Sara! Yes. I think she’s just excited for my wedding...and I hate to kill her excitement but I’ve got to talk to her.
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:26 AM
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Thanks so much girl, it’s great to have advice from someone who has had experience! Setting boundaries is hard. But, I do need to do it
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Super April 2020
Emily · on August 6, 2019 at 8:26 AM
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This is on her. She can explain to everyone that she invited to the shower why they're not invited to the wedding. Don't go over your budget for something that could've been prevented!
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:27 AM
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Thanks so much Andrea hopefully no ones feelings will be hurt.
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:28 AM
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Ooo this is true! Good point it could’ve been prevented
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:29 AM
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Brilliant strategy to present to my mom. Maybe if I show her on paper, she’ll understand!
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:30 AM
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Thanks so much for all the advice ladies this has been weighing on my heart. It’s nice to have a listening ear, and feedback
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VIP September 2019
· on August 6, 2019 at 8:35 AM
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I would let her do the dirty work and say sorry their guest list is already finalized and we will not be able to invite you to the wedding. That needs to be on her and let her explain that to them. You guys shouldn't max out your budget or Cram people in to your venue because she is inconsiderate
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Dedicated October 2019
Brittany · on August 6, 2019 at 8:43 AM
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Yes. I was going to try to invite everyone, because of etiquette; but it was really stressing me out. I think you’re right! I just need to talk to her.
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on August 6, 2019 at 8:44 AM
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I agree with PPs. She needs to now uninvite whomever she invited and needs a stern reminder that this is your wedding/party not hers.
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on August 6, 2019 at 8:45 AM
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Everyone is different, but I know I am a very visual person and it helps to see the difference instead of having it just stated. If you are able to accommodate some (not all) of the additional guests, I would make her decide who makes the cut, that way she doesn’t view it as “Brittany is bad and won’t let me invite anyone”, and it’s more of her prioritizing who comes from this list.
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