Mom does not want dad to walk me down the aisle!!!

Would your mom be open to both of them walking you down? If she mostly raised you she may just feel offended that he gets the moment of glory so what if they shared it? If it's really an issue still, I would probably continue on without her funding... as long as it's something important to you. It's about what feels best to you.

I’d be weary of taking money from someone who sets conditions. This could just be the first of many “requirements” for the “wedding of your dreams”

I don’t really have advice, but if your father doesn’t walk you down the aisle, who would?

It's entirely your decision as to who walks with you. Just realize that your decision might influence your mother's decision to pay for your event. I'd figure out a way to pay for everything yourself, then you can make decisions without having to worry about financing falling through.

That's dirty. If she is the one who raised you it might feel like a slap in the face though. Try an open honest discussion over some lunch and try a compromise. Maybe they both could walk you down?

That is incredibly manipulative and I’d tell her no. I’d rather elope or have a courthouse wedding than give someone that kind of power over my relationships. Your paternal relationship is your own to navigate. I’m very sorry she has put you in this position.

View Quoted Comment This. I don't think your mom should have any say in your gown, FI clothes, or any aspect of your ceremony, religious or civil service. If she is paying for the reception, she has some say in that, venue, meals, guests. But none for the ceremony. If she is going to make this a " do it my way or I pay nothing, you need to tell her it is extraordinarily offensive for her to try to control any part of your ceremony. Different from the party. And tell her your relationship with your father now and for the rest of your life, and that of your children (if any) is not something that you will let her control or hurt in any way, because of the past. You decide how you feel now, about your father, and about your relationship with your father in the future. As when there is a divorce, it is never right for one aren't yo sabotage the present and future relationship with the other parent. Do not be bought off. If she insists, tell her you do not need her money or her attempts to control you. Be prepared to have the wedding you can afford. Otherwise, she will pull this nasty stuff out over who she thinks is entitled to visit, share holidays with you, grandparent time, everything. Be very clear with her, now that you are an adult, you do have a positive relationship with Dad, intend to in the future, and if she is so bent on venting her anger at him, she does not belong at your wedding. She is putting her anger over your feelings. She need never see him except at your occasions, but participating in your wedding is not a reward or punishment for his good or bad behavior in the past, it is about NOW. And FUTURE. Her bad relationship with him is likely 90% of why he was not around in childhood. Not your baggage to carry. And her wanting to buy control of the ceremony is really low, and rude to you, now. You may need to work a side job for money for a wedding. We did, not because of trouble, just that our parents extended themselves as far as reasonable to raise and educate us, lots of younger children, and we worked lots of extra hours for $15,000 for a wedding. And your decision to take control of your ceremony and future control of your life decisions is worth the price if mom does not back down.

My mom once told me that if my dad walked me down the aisle, I didn't have to invite her and I should have my younger brother do it instead. I told her I wasn't choosing between them and if she felt that way, she didn't have to be there.

Don't let her manipulate you like this. She will keep doing it well beyond your wedding day. If you can't afford the "wedding of your dreams" without her $$$, maybe have a small ceremony and then have your drram wedding as a vow renewal later. Either way, draw the line earlier rather than later.

I’m apprehensive that she is putting conditions of what role your dad can play if she is paying towards the wedding. Your relationship and the way you want to include him should be your decision. I would start by saying that you appreciate her help and you are excited to honour and include her in other ways but that you want him to walk you down the aisle. If she can’t accept that then maybe you should look into other wedding plans you can afford without her help.

I really don’t like that she’s holding this “wedding of your dreams” over your head. I agree with Courtney’s post.

I’m so sorry your mom had put you in this predicament. Don’t take her money.

I think that is selfish and your dad should walk you down the aisle

Don't do it. It's going to be the first of many conditions. There were a few conditions in the beginning with my mom offering to pay for things and it quickly spiraled out of control. It's a trap.


If having your dad walk you down the aisle is important, don't give in on it. The suggestion of having both of them walk you down the aisle is a pretty reasonable compromise.

I’m going through pretty much the same situation without the ultimatum. In the end you need to do what feels right to you. But if you’re mom is paying and raised you I think that’s who should walk you. That’s at least what I’m doing. Dad can have the father daughter dance and still be apart of the big day.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's awful of her to have this as a condition for giving you money for the wedding. I would have a conversation with your mom and why you think it's unfair and why you want him to walk you. If she pulls the money then you've got two options: forfeit the money or talk to your dad about him not walking you down the aisle.

Over Christmas it came out that my mom would really prefer I walk myself down the aisle (which was the original plan until I changed my mind and asked my dad). I've got a good relationship with my dad now despite a complicated past between us. Luckily she's okay with whatever I do because it's my day. It's up to your mom to put aside all grudges between her and your dad.

Maybe have a symbolic walk and start walking down the aisle with just your mom since she was in the first half of your life and then have your dad met you half way on the aisle since he came into your life later on. Then just walk the rest of the aisle with both of them.
I agree you need to sit down with her and tell her this also means a lot to you. Find a way to compromise.

I’m in a similar situation. I get your mom’s perspective completely, but it’s about you and she needs to get over that. I’d suggest that both of them walk you down the isle, that’s what I’m doing!

Wow I'm so sorry that you have a Mom who would behave this way. Personally I would pay for whatever wedding I can afford on my own and make my own decisions. Something tells me this won't be the last time your Mom exerts her financial influence over wedding decisions. Your Dad will be your Dad for the rest of your life - I wouldn't damage that relationship in any way, especially not please your Mom (who should never ask you to do such a thing).

I’m having my brother walk me down the aisle (my father is deceased), to appease my mom I’m having my step father stand up at the front with my brother and I do both can “give me away”. Then my step father isn’t offended, my mom is happy, and I get what I want which is my brother walking with me.

People who manipulate their children against the other parent make me CRAZY!! I am sorry you are dealing with this.

While I understand that she might feel she in entitled to more, since she raised you and wants to pay for the wedding, here is what she is forgetting. You didn't choose your father, SHE DID. So now she is holding you hostage for trying to have a relationship with the person she once thought was good enough to father her child?? How is that your fault? You are supposed to hate him because she does now? I will never understand this thought process. It infuriates me. Sorry for the rant, but I see this time and time again on here and I am horrified by it. Such petty BS.

Anyway, I would explain it to your mom just like that. You didn't choose him, but you are choosing to make the best of the situation you were born in to. His name doesn't have to be on the invite. You don't even have to do a dance with him if you don't want to. You need to do what you want to do here and she needs to respect you as the adult that you are.

Good luck!