Mom and stepmom issues

I would talk to your dad and see what he thinks. I am sure you would be able to tell her this in a nice way. I kinda have the same situation... my mom and stepmom do get along but my stepmom lives in the same state and my mom doesn't so I am including them both, each are ok with it so it does work for me. However, you do what you think it is best. Hopefully your stepmom will understand.

Also, my dad and stepmom are helping with the cost of the wedding so I do value her input but she knows my mom is my mom and her opinion is very important to me.

I honestly would be very honest with her and say something like, "Hey stepmom-I really appreciate your enthusiasm for my wedding and am so grateful for your and my dad's financial and emotional involvement. I just want you to know that I am trying to balance this experience with 3 moms (you, your mom, and your FMIL), and don't want you to feel offended if I don't always incorporate your ideas or if other people are involved in certain experiences. I do value your opinions and will definitely take what you come up with into consideration."

She and your dad are one financial unit, so his financial contributions are also her financial contributions. I think she deserves to have involvement in your wedding for that reason. You should also definitely talk to your dad about your feelings and ask for his advice and thoughts on how to approach your stepmom.

Same situation here - each mom, stepmom, and grandmother is trying to find a way to contribute. "Thank you so much for offering to help! I could really use your assistance with ___. I feel so grateful for how many people have offered to help with the planning, and I've already divided up the other planning pieces so everyone could be included."

I asked each to help gather addresses and assist with the guest list, and to be the main point of contact for their side of the family. Also, consider asking your stepmom to go shopping together for her dress and make a girls' day of it, or invite her to nominal things like trial nails, hair, or makeup.

Miss S.... Great idea!!!

Nicole.... You put it so nicely I just hope I can actually make it come out that well because it has become a bit overwhelming and on the edge of frustrating.

Christina.... I'm working on my dad because he's the "whatever makes you happy" type with ALL of the ladies in his life.

Definitely speak to your dad. I am very close to my mom and made it clear.

My mom and stepmom don't get along at all...like the temperature in the room drops when they speak...lol

My mom went with me to pick out my dress but Im wearing my stepmom's veil. I try to make it somewhat balanced but I made it very clear that my mom is my mom and I will stand up for her.

It almost sounds like she's even like taking over your portion of the planning. This is a tricky situation. I think definitely that communication with your dad is must with this.

MsDani313 see mine is not THAT bad but my mom has stated that "you are MY first born daughter and this is your wedding" and I will definitely stand up for her ( I haven't actually told my mom about my step moms "plans).

Casey that's exactly it and why it is borderline frustrating. I'm like this is MY wedding, it's one thing to build things off of my initial ideas on how I want things but to take initiative and pick what you think will work is a completely different thing.

My mom passed about six months before I got engaged. So now everyone is trying to step up, which I do greatly appreciate, but I have my mom's best friend (which is also my best friend's mom), my aunt, my grandmother, a cousin, and FMIL all wanting to be the top contributor. Ironically, only my dad is helping at all as far as finances go lol. What I'm trying to do is basically find at least one task for each of them that I could use help with, that way they all feel included. I'm also going to make at least two dress appointments and take half one day and half the other, and then go from there. I've already asked my aunt and cousin to help with centerpieces and grandmother to help with flowers and it made them really happy!

Ok i definitely agree with delegating tasks for everyone, I hope it's that easy and we squash this now especially given that my wedding in over a year from now!!!

Thanks ladies!!!

I like the delegating idea as well. You could also thank her for her suggestions and that you will consider that.....then do what you want to do,

Merrie that was my original thought but I hate the idea of her wasting time and money on things that I will not want or need. Especially because the money is coming from them (and much needed)