Moh/bm responsibilities

It probably makes sense to chat with members of your wedding party about what you expect from them before anyone commits (kinda like you should talk to your spouse about finances, future kids, life and career goals, etc before committing your lives to one another). Because the norm varies so much depending on how traditional you are, cultural and local customs where you live, and expectations based on previous experiences, it's possible YOU think your wedding party should help you pick out your dress, plan you a shower and bachelorette party, help you DIY stuff for your wedding, be your minion while prepping for your wedding and on your wedding day, help you address envelopes, and pay for their own dress, shoes, hair acccessories, etc based on what you've picked out for them, it's possible they think their role is much less, especially if they've been in a wedding before where not much was asked of them. I've seen articles where the role of the MOH is actually all of those things and much more, and I know weddings where the role has been far less. There isn't really a right or wrong, but it's important for everyone to be on the same page and for you to be upfront with your maids in the beginning about what you expect from them, how involved they'll need to be, and what sort of cost will be involved with being a part of your wedding. Same goes for the men in the wedding. It's also important to understand that not everyone will be able to contribute in the same way - if you have bridesmaids who live in another part of the country asking them to pick out your dress with you and attend all of the pre-wedding parties probably isn't realistic, nor is it realistic to expect a pregnant bridesmaid, new mom, or maid planning her own wedding to be super involved or able to spend a lot of money to take part.

View Quoted Comment If upvoting an answer was possible, it would be this one. Thank you for summing it up so perfectly.

What you are saying reflects re went tv, and movies. But not the reality of etiquette over the last 80 years. Get a book on social manners or general etiquette from the library or a second hand bookstore and check it out for yourself. Pre-wedding parties like luncheons, teas, or showers can be given by any very close friend or family who will be attending the wedding . Mom's used to be excluded, when it was assumed they hosted the wedding. But aunts, cousins, grandmother's FMIL, and any close friends of the bride my do it. A group. Or any one person. Because a wedding party is chosen from a bride's very close friends, and often sisters or cousins, often one or all members of the wedding party volunteer to do pre wedding parties. But it is not a requirement. If they have not the time, money, or interest, other friends or family usually do. Considering the cost of BM clothing, and sometimes travel, lodgings, meals, and grooming, many would find also doing g parties as hostesses a burden. And it works well for those friend or family women NOT in the wedding, to plan and host pre-wedding parties. That is traditional etiquette. And also traditional etiquette, is that in weddings, or on other occasions, the person being honored, the bride, is considered rude for presuming that any individual or group, including the wedding party, will give a party in her honor. If they choose to, fine, a nice gift. If they don't, also fine. A bride should not require others throw a party for her. Usually, though not always, someone in the close friend or family group will give one if BM don't. Unless bride has few friends or family who want one. If no one wants to at minimum serve coffee and desserts to a small group, for a couple hours, then no shower. But it has never been required of BP.

I totally agree with you in this. It seems like people on here just expect whoever they ask as their MOH/ BM to just pretty much be figure heads and stand next to them at the wedding. If that’s the case, you could ultimately just ask anyone that’s available to stand next to you. The point of being asked to be in those roles is because you have a special relationship with the bride. If you agree to stand in that role, I would assume you would want to do more than to just get a dress and show up on the day of. If you’re really a special friend of the bride I would think you would want to offer any help in planning/support that you’re available to give. That isn’t to say you need to drop your life and be 24/7 wedding but if you were an actual friend and care I would be confused if I literally heard nothing from them until it’s the day of the wedding. It baffles me.