moh while being a bride?

You are Not selfish at all. It’s a lot planning a wedding let alone being responsible to help with someone else’s so close to yours

It's completely reasonable to tell your friend you don't have the time or money available to plan parties and pay for things between now and her wedding day. I wouldn't step down without having an honest discussion with her (unless you really don't want to be in her wedding at all). Friends should be able to tell each when things aren't feasible.

But also, "I think she deserves a bridal party who put her on a pedestal and celebrate her as a new bride." No one really deserves to be put on a pedestal and that is an unrealistic expectation. That kind of thinking (I am not blaming you for this; this is a very common feeling) is what is making her think it's ok to plan a wedding in three months while ALSO demanding people throw her multiple parties in that timeframe, and making her friends pay for dresses and HMU without even asking their budgets.

So, stick up for yourself, your time, and your money. Be clear with your friend what you can and can't do. How she takes that information is on her.

I would personally go with asking to step down and be bridesmaid or guest. Most pre-wedding events for the bridal party are optional and not required, in my experience. So long as you think you could participate in some of them, I would think being a bridesmaid should be doable and a lot less strain on you. Also, usually a LOT less involved in planning than the MOH. You honestly don't have the time and care enough about her to say that she deserves more attention from her MOH than you can give. That is you being a good friend, not being selfish.



Talk to her and tell her how you feel and what you would be able to do (or not do) if you remained in the bridal party. She might be OK with you being less involved and still being a bridesmaid so long as she knows the reasons why. You phrased it perfectly, "she deserves a bridal party who put her on a pedestal and celebrate her as a new bride." Start with that.

I’m in a very similar predicament. However my cousin planned her wedding 7 months after my wedding so that I could give the attention her wedding deserves. To be honest. It’s sounds like your friend is jealous your getting married to be planning her own wedding when she’s not even engaged is not cool and she’s trying to steal your shine. I think it’s totally okay and understandable for you to go as a guest but still go to the bachelorette party for her. But considering she’s being inconsiderate in my opinion I wouldn’t be in her wedding. But everyone has there own views of things and how they would handle it. I do wish you the best. ♥️

I would not ask to step down. I would express your concerns and see what she thinks. Let her be the one to tell you that if that’s what she really wants, see if you can compromise.

I guess I’m a bit confused. And I don’t think I’m reading this right, but she’s not even engaged yet and she’s planning a wedding in three months? Isn’t this kind of well… Risky? Does her FH know all of this? Does he plan on proposing to her at any point in between now In the next three months in between all of her parties that she wants?

View Quoted Comment My thoughts exactly!!

View Quoted Comment Lol, yes as far as I know. From what I’m being told, he will propose in the next month and apparently this is being planned to his knowledge too. You’re reading it correctly! It’s just as confusing to me.

She ASKED for 3 to 5 parties??? In the span of 3 months? I'd have a time staying friends with someone so entitled.
Maybe she got carried away with the excitement, but I think you're justified in contemplating stepping down

I was maid of honor in my brother's wedding. His wedding was four months before mine. Luckily, my sister-in-law is very low maintenance so party wise I only had to throw her a bridal shower. She didn't want a bachelorette party. For her bridal shower, we had it at my family's church so the the venue was free and my mom and grandmother helped me cover the costs of certain things. I did have to buy a dress, but I wore shoes I already owned. I choose to have my hair and makeup professionally done. It sounds like your wedding needs to slow down because she isn't even engaged. She also needs to adjust her expectations because 2-3 parties is ridiculous and you definitely shouldn't be required to host that many parties. I think if anyone is acting entitled it is her.

Her asks are unreasonable so I would ask to come as a guest even if I weren't planning a wedding. I say attend as a guest

You are not selfish at all, she is asking a lot knowing how much you already have going on

I wouldn’t do a thing until she has a ring LOL

View Quoted Comment Lol 100%!!!! If she’s asking her FH to propose to her like she’s asking for all of these parties, there may not be a wedding at all in three months.

View Quoted Comment Sounds like with all of those parties there’s no more room for a wedding in that time Lol

I thought parties were planned by people who wanted to throw them?

View Quoted Comment

Yea, it's pretty forward (read: rude) of her to ask for these parties to be held. That's not how it works, someone offers to host, but it's by no means required. Especially over such a short time frame? Yikes.

Also, as bridesmaids you're not required to got to every shower or every event and it's crazy of her to expect that. She's so far out of line and she's not even engaged yet, I'm just honestly shocked right now.

How good of friends are you with this person? It sounds like she may need a come to Jesus moment of her expectations for her bridal party and her wedding.

Planning a wedding three months out without a ring seems super risky, I mean its OK to plan the wedding you want when the ring does come, but picking brides maids, dresses, shoes and HMUA and demanding bridesmaids pay for those in the next 3 months before a wedding that's not even really a thing yet seems ridiculous, especially without checking on the budget of all parties involved.

Also 2-3 showers?!? In what world, is every shower with a different group? Why do you have to pay for what she wants? I was graciously offered an engagement party and a bridal shower, by my mom and MOH, I didn't DEMAND one, and I didn't demand 2 for both sides of the family.

I would have an honest conversation with her, and honestly I would step down. I wouldn't commit to anything until a proposal is done and contracts are signed. Don't shell out any money for something that may not happen. If you feel you want to be involved in her bridal party then tell her exactly what you can afford in such short notice, a good friend will work with you on your budget.

This kind of happened to me in the past, it just wasn't my wedding. I had two best friends who were getting married, and one of them was planning her wedding for about a year and a half out. I was the maid of honor so I planned all of her parties and showers, plus paid for my dress, hair and makeup, shoes, and nails, and accommodations since it was out of state. My other best friend got engaged a month after the first one and wanted to get married within 6 months. She asked me to be her maid of honor as well and I just couldn't swing it financially or time wise. It was going to be way too much and I wasn't making great money at the time. So I politely declined and asked to just be a guest at the second friend's wedding. She was a little hurt, but eventually understood and got over it. As long as you talk it out and are perfectly clear why you cannot do it, everything should work out okay.

I agree with the others, she doesn't officially have a fiancé, and she's demanding multiple parties? There is an extreme sense of entitlement there. The timeframe is very stressful for you ladies as well! I would definitely step down from MOH, but if you want to be a bridesmaid, go for it!