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Alexis
Just Said Yes September 2022

moh told me day before bachelorette trip, she can’t come!

Alexis, on July 6, 2022 at 12:25 PM Posted in Parties and Events 1 12
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I am annoyed because my MOH who is hosting the bachelorette party starting TOMORROW just told me she can’t come. My bachelorette party is out of state and I have people flying in for it. I am completely understanding when it comes down to things happening but she is telling me this the day before which to me is so inconsiderate especially being her saying she can’t afford to come. You knew this prior to just today! I think it’s so inconsiderate to wait to the last minute to tell someone this being the HOST. Reservations are under her name and everything and now my other bridesmaids are having to call and make sure things run smoothly…getting games prepared and all that. I do not plan to respond anytime soon to her text she just sent me saying she can’t make it because I am extremely annoyed and do not want to take my anger out on her. Honestly I worry she will do something similar for my wedding day and considering making her just a bridesmaid. Am I overreacting?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on July 8, 2022 at 6:41 PM
  • Brenda
    Dedicated October 2021
    Brenda ·
    • Flag
    My maid of honor also bailed on my bachelorette party, but it was a few weeks before. But I did have the same fears she would do the same for my wedding after that, and how she'd often cancel casual meet ups we planned leading up to the wedding. I had to have a serious phone call with her and be honest: are you going to be at the wedding, because if there's any doubts, I need to reasign a new maid of honor.


    In my friend's case, that seemed to shake her into place, but I totally understand your frustration and concern of you'll be down a maid of honor on your wedding day. Unfortunately, I think many people these days are just flakey. Social media and fast messaging like texts kind of harbored a mentality where "well if I don't feel like going, I can just text them last minute and say I won't go" instead of sticking to plans.
    • Reply
  • Janet
    Devoted October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    Take a minute or two, or sixty. Gather your thoughts and call her to find out about reservations and if they can be handled by someone else, transferred, etc. I wouldn't go in hot because then going into your trip will just be even more of a downer than it already is. Just keep it to what all reservations need to be transferred and yall can talk about it when you get back from the trip. Try to enjoy it with those who are going.

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  • Shannon
    Expert July 2022
    Shannon ·
    • Flag
    You are not overreacting. I would be so frustrated.
    Hasn’t she paid whatever expenses by now being that it’s tomorrow?
    And a text to cancel last minute? That requires a phone call to you in my opinion. I would table it until you can have a conversation.
    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    That seems odd since she's the host and should have had an idea of how much everything would cost, but I do suppose something could have come up last minute. It's also possible there's something else going on, but she just said it was a money thing so it wouldn't be pushed. I'd recommend just letting it go for now and enjoying your bachelorette party. After you've given it some time and cooled off, have a conversation with her about your concerns and see what she wants to do. I'd be careful about demoting her because that could put a major strain on your friendship.

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy November 2022
    Mackenzie ·
    • Flag

    I don't think you're overreacting at all. I would be so upset. However, I would also take a step back and try to forget about it until after for you bach and focus on having a good time. Afterwards try to meet up with her and talk to her about your concerns going forward but give yourself some time to cool off.

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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    You are rightly justified that she told you day before trip she couldn't make it. That's a pretty big blow! I am reading from more and more from bridesmaids about shower/bachelorette expectations and/or demands. Everyone says that they have the option and just need to say what they can afford, etc. However, it's not that easy when everyone else seems "in" and then having to admit you really don't have the funds. It's a tough spot to be in. The most important thing is that you picked her to be MOH for a reason. As long as she's committed to stand by your side and has her dress for the one of the most important days of your life is what counts. It's unfortunate she didn't have the courage to come forward before day of trip to talk with you.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    All of this.

    Sometimes pre-wedding party expectations are quite high and not everyone can make things work.

    • Reply
  • W
    Dedicated June 2022
    Whitney ·
    • Flag

    Were the out-of-state bachelorette party plans her idea?

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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    I am assuming this is your Best Friend. I would personally give my Best Friend the benefit of the doubt. I personally, would be really worried about her (especially, if this is out of character)

    You don't know what happened, but letting a trip ruin a years long friendship would not be on the cards for me. I know because its wedding related, you are putting extra emphasis on the meaning of the trip. But, its just a weekend away with friends. Everyone has difficulties in life. Sometimes people screw up.

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  • R
    Rosebud ·
    • Flag

    Oh man thats frustrating. I hope your friend is ok and I hope you were still able to have a fun trip. Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Connie
    Beginner September 2023
    Connie ·
    • Flag
    Maybe something just happened in her life. It will be good to have a heart to heart sometime when you’re back from the vacation
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar September 2022
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    You are not overreacting at all, that is extremely inconsiderate. Being the host, she definitely knew before that she was unable to do it. Should have made arrangements with others to take over the festivities in her stead. I have bridesmaids that are less than ideal in regards to planning things so it's frustrating, but try to enjoy the time with the ladies that will be there. When it's ladies you love you'll have a great time just being together.
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