Hi guys! This is a really long-ish story, I'm sorry. But I could really use some advice or suggestions. I'm considering demoting my MOH and asking another BM to step up.
I asked one of my good friends ("A") to be my MOH. The main reason for this was proximity- my best friend since elementary school ("B") lives 3 hours away and I anticipated it would be difficult for her. I have 4 girls in my bridal party- these two and then FHs sister and my underage niece. So these two were the top choices.
Anyway- A accepted. When I saw A next, the very first thing she said to me (remember she ALREADY accepted) was "don't cost me a lot of money". Which really hit me hard because I'm not that type of bride, at all, but it still made me feel like absolutely garbage. This was almost a year ago and I still can't let it go, I really just felt that was utterly disgusting of her to say. Especially after she already accepted. If anything, she could have found a more tactful way of saying this. Oh, and she didn't say it just once- she's said it several times over the last year.
We had to cancel our bridesmaid dress shopping due to COVID, but I just let the girls know that they could pick their own dressed (which was always the plan) based on their individual budgets and style preferences. I only had 3 requirements: color, length, fabric. A bought her dress immediately- BUT BOUGHT THE WRONG SIZE so it doesn't even fit her! She then said "Oh, I'll just buy another dress for the reception- something more comfortable" uhm...no? That's not a thing for the bridal party to do! She also got VERY angry with me because I refused to buy a second dress for the reception- rather than wear my actual wedding dress the entire time. Very weird.
She has asked me multiple times what I wanted for my Bridal Shower and Bach. I have told her, very clearly, what I felt was fine. B suggested we do a weekend getaway for my Bach- which would be awesome, but entirely unnecessary. A came to be and said "why does B think I'm made of money? Is that really what you want?". Wow, sure, after what you said to me right after accepting and then that statement, what makes you think I would be honest even if that WAS what I wanted? BTW- B only suggested this because A hadn't even touched base with anyone else about planning! I also suggested doing a backyard BBQ for my wedding shower, very chill and simple (remember, I can't cost her a lot of money) and her response: "well, I don't like BBQ"...uhm, okay? I was UNAWARE that my wedding shower was centered around what my MOH liked and wanted. I then suggested that we rent out a clubhouse and just grill outside and go swimming (was to be late this Summer)- her response was "okay, why don't you secure the clubhouse and I'll get everything else". The clubhouse was $150 and would be the bulk of the cost- so basically she wanted me to pay for the bulk and she'd take the credit for "hosting" the event. Uhm, no thanks. I even offered to hold something small in my own home!!! But, she never got a move on things.
A also never reaches out to me. In 2 months I've heard from her exactly 3 times. 2 of them I reached out to her regarding a wedding matter, and she changed the subject almost immediately. And the latest, she reached out to me, about something non-wedding related (which is fine). She has also scheduled dinners for us to discuss wedding stuff, and then flaked or gone radio silent- then the dinners never happen.
And the icing on the cake is that I can no longer even HAVE a wedding shower because nothing was planned and now it's too late! FH and I are getting civilly married at the end of October- we should be having our wedding shower around this time. But, thanks to my MOH just sitting around, complaining, and not stepping up- I don't get to participate in this parties and celebrate with those closest to me.
Because of this, I actually reached out to B to see if she would be comfortable just having a weekend away as old friends and calling that my Bach. She was COMPLETELY on board, so that's what I'll be doing for my Bach. It's not really what I want, but it's either that or I know I'll get nothing just like with the wedding shower.
I'm honestly ready to ask her to step down and be a BM. And ask B to step up to be MOH. But, at this point, I'm perfectly fine not even having a MOH. I feel like, as brides, we can sometimes take things a little too personally and get more upset than we should. I've really tried to be chill throughout the entire process- but I'm genuinely really upset that I won't be having a wedding shower now 
