Diana
Savvy June 2021

moh help!

Diana, on October 12, 2019 at 12:33 PM Posted in Planning 0 22
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So I am having a hard time picking a MOH. I have two candidates, my 18 year old sister and my cousin (who’s like my sister). My concern with asking my sister is that she would have certain responsibilities that I think would be too much for her or that she’s simply not experienced with. And she has a lot going on with school and work and normal 18 year old things lol. My cousin on the other hand is my age and I know could take on the responsibilities without a problem. I just don’t want my sister to feel bad. My wedding party is small just 4. Any advice? Thanks!! 😊😊

22 Comments

  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
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    Your MOH should be the person that you're closest to, not the person who will do the most for you. Their only responsibility is to purchase their attire and show up to your wedding. If you think that your sister can't financially handle that, she will have the same struggle as a bridesmaid.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Exactly this.
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  • Diana
    Savvy June 2021
    Diana ·
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    I think I wasn’t more specific. In my culture, a MOH is kind of like your right hand woman in all wedding planning. The way I was thinking of it is in the planning of events that I know would fall to the MOH (not entirely but a good amount) she would have no experience with it and I would not like to put her in an uncomfortable situation. It’s definitely not about who’s doing what for me at all or expenses.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
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    Have you been married before? If not, you're inexperienced as well, so that seems like an odd excuse, but it sounds like you already have your mind made up.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I would just choose whoever you're closest to Smiley smile

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  • Diana
    Savvy June 2021
    Diana ·
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    I don’t think you’re understanding and I honestly don’t appreciate the tone of your response so I’m gonna leave it at that. Thank you for your feedback.
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  • Diana
    Savvy June 2021
    Diana ·
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    Thanks! Smiley smile I’m so close to both of them I’m having a hard time. I just want my sister to not have to worry about all the heavy stuff but I don’t want her to be offended. 😊
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  • Shelby
    Devoted November 2020
    Shelby ·
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    I would just make them both a MOH. You are able to have more than one ☺️ Remember it is your day and however you want to do it then you just do it 😊 plus you will not have to worry about the responsibilities on your sister that you know your cousin can handle. I hope this helps. Good luck! Congratulations as well! 💙
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2020
    Alycia ·
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    It bothers me when people reply to posted questions with so much judgment. There is nothing wrong with your question, and nothing wrong with feeling like you will need help from someone who can best handle the position. Don't let negative people make you feel bad.


    As to your question... You can have a Maid of Honor and an Honor Attendant. Both are "honor" positions, and each position has its own purpose. If your sister is your moh, you are honoring her as an important young woman in your life. If your cousin is your honor attendant, you are honoring her as well as requesting her help on the day of the wedding. (Dressing you, organizing the wedding party, taking calls/ texts so that you won't be disturbed, etc.) The two can work together before the wedding to plan your shower, etc. They can both be present for your attire fittings, etc. as well. Both would be mentioned in your wedding program, and both would stand at your side during the ceremony.


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  • Shelby
    Devoted November 2020
    Shelby ·
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    Those are awesome suggestions!
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  • Diana
    Savvy June 2021
    Diana ·
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    Thank you! Sometimes I need to be reminded that in the end it’s our day and we can make the choices. But I went on an internet rabbit hole of information and it’s overwhelming sometimes. Thank you!!! 💜
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  • Diana
    Savvy June 2021
    Diana ·
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    Thank you for your kind words. This is a great suggestion that I honestly didn’t even think of! Thank you! I just don’t want anyone to feel less of. I love them both dearly but also know my sister and know that she has priorities that take up a lot of her time and I want it to be an easy going experience for her.
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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it'd be fine to have two. I had two maids of honor at mine.
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  • Vicky
    Expert January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Honor Attendant is just a generic term for, well, honor attendants - best man, maid of honor, matron of honor. Personal attendant is someone who is at the bride's beck and call on the day of the wedding with tasks like dressing her, helping her in the bathroom, etc. It's a job, not an honor, and not a pleasant one. Don't do that to your friend, OP. You can just have them both as Maids of Honor (or if your cousin is married she can be called a Matron of Honor).

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  • Sarah
    Just Said Yes December 2020
    Sarah ·
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    I am in the same boat choosing between my sister and best friend and I think I am going to have both of them be MOH! The best advice I have received is don’t make the decision for your sister or whoever it may be, on what they are capable of doing for you. I also felt my sister may not be up for handling certain responsibilities but also my best friend is in vet school so she may not have time. But at the end of the day, no matter their title, they both love you and are going to do things for you. You could even tell your cousin you felt obligated for your sister to have the title but want her to be just as involved and want her to work with your sister! Whatever you choose, it will work out perfect!
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2020
    Alycia ·
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    What a horrible way of seeing this honored position at a wedding. Shame on you! Honor attendant is a person whom you know you can share this very special day with. One whom you are very close with, and will love spending the day with. Perhaps you would degrade a friend that way, but that is NOT the definition of an Honor Attendant. I'm embarrassed for you.

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  • Alycia
    Super July 2020
    Alycia ·
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    According to Martha Stewart weddings:

    "The maid or matron of honor and the best man are also known as the honor attendants. Traditionally, the sister closest in age to the bride serves as the maid or matron of honor. If the bride has more than one sister, she may ask them all to be honor attendants."

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  • Vicky
    Expert January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Ha, that's cute. Did you actually read what I said? You're right, that's not the definition of an honor attendant - you're mixing up two different things. An honor attendant is a regular old maid of honor/matron of honor/best man. A personal attendant is what you described above. It's also not an honor to be asked to wait on the bride like a servant. If you want that kind of help, hire it. I'm not the one advocating asking your friends to be glorified servants on your wedding day. Be embarrassed for yourself.

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  • Vicky
    Expert January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Yes, that's what I said in my original post. Honor attendant is a general term for the maid and matron of honor and best man. It is NOT the same thing as a personal attendant, which is common in a few circles but seen by many as an inappropriate role to ask someone to take. Again, did you actually read my post?

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  • Tamika
    Devoted October 2019
    Tamika ·
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    I don't have that problem because I have 2 Matrons, 1 Maid and 1 Bridesmaid.
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