MOH disappointment

I have typed and retyped a response to your post 4 times now... I have no words. I'll leave this to the other WW girls...

She hasn't done anything wrong, so you should apologize for being a shitty friend and hope she forgives you.

Stephanie..

That's what I was waiting for lol!!!!

Your wedding is not a tit for tat. You should be choosing your bridal party based on who you want with you as you marry not who you did what for. Honestly if it were me as your MOH, once you moved up someone else I would have been done. You shouldn't be involved in planning your shower (and you really shouldn't be asking anyone to attend more than one shower for you) or bachelorette party and these are not required from anyone. She helped you with your invitations which is more than what is required (which really is only that she show up on your wedding day wearing the dress you chose and supporting you as you marry). There really is no breaking to her that she wasn't there for you, your expectations are unrealistic. If you want to continue your friendship you should understand that the MOH role is only earned by being a loyal and supportive friend. Please reconsider your expectations and appreciate the help people can give (plus as a mother her child not your wedding or pre-wedding festivities are more important and she may not be able to do a lot).

Just do it all yourself and get over it,BMS are not your personal servants but friends who are SHARING in your day

She is not your glitter covered wedding slave.

She has no obligation as a MOH or a BM to do any of the things you mention she hasn't done. Is it worth losing a friend over?

You have a few weeks left. I'd stop worrying about titles, get rid of the "expectations" you have for her, and enjoy your wedding.

Bye, Felicia.

ETA: @Kimberly Glitter covered wedding slave! I died laughing! Love it!

Oh FFS. You are a shitty friend.

Her job is to buy the dress and show up to the wedding. She is not obligated to help you with anything. Is it nice if she does? Of course. But you don't demote her or "promote" someone else into her spot. It's not a job, you are not paying her. She is your MOH because you love her and value your friendship, not because she's your slave and does everything for you. Do it yourself. Shit.

I think the previous posters are a bit harsh, but I do agree it is not your MOH or BM's responsibility to help you with wedding/shower planning. I would hope that is what they would step up and do for a friend, but I would not EXPECT it of them.

I would not choose a BM based on how helpful they are. I chose based on who were my closest friends. One of the two lived across the country, so I knew she would not be able to do anything to help, and that was ok, because that wasn't why I asked her to be my BM.

I would not say anything to her right now. You don't want to create drama so close to your wedding. Maybe after the wedding when everything cools down, I would tell her you were disappointed that she didn't offer more help, and if you're both able to be calm and kind about things, your friendship will survive.

Unfortunately, weddings seem to end a lot of friendships, so tread carefully.

I'm of a different opinion. Generally speaking, When you ask people to be in your wedding...it's usually because you're friends. Typically in friendships we help each other out in many cases. If I asked a friend for help (doesn't matter what it's for) and all I got was the silent treatment, and NO COMMUNICATION then I certainly would feel some kind of way. As a bridesmaid or MOH you should want to help if asked or if you can. Good Luck to you.

Believe me, I've felt this way at times, although I quickly rationalized with myself that I was being a dickhead over it haha, sort of. I had to come down to earth a few times with my MOH. The bottom line is, at least with my MOH ... (we have a long history, friends since 15 yrs. old, talk on the phone every day, like sisters) she has gone through a divorce, family issues, health issues, and now a new man in her life, new relationship that is rocky, she has so much going on. It sucks for me that all this happened right when I got engaged. She used to be SO organized and crafty, but she has so much going on in her life, I can't expect her to step up to do all those pre-wedding things. She has so much more on her plate. Oh, she also lost her job last month! All I ever expected out of her was to buy her dress and shoes, get ready with me morning of the wedding so I'm not a complete basketcase, and stand by me that day, and celebrate with me at the reception. I've had NO shower. Completely ok with this. My boudoir shoot today is my bachelorette fling (LOL) - I rely on nobody. I did just learn we are doing something small for a bach get together at the end of the month. She admitted to me the other day that she has done nothing and would like to bring the breakfast food the morning of getting ready. I told her not to worry about that, it was my responsibility that my bridal party had some food in their bellies. I thought her offer to provide food for getting ready was going above and beyond! Haha. Sometimes we just have to come down to earth. We are just marrying our loves. Nothing more. All I ask is for people to be happy for us. Nothing more. Don't lose a friend over this. She may be going through something.

She didn't post this to get lectured on how she feels. I somewhat understand your frustration. Its easy to get caught up and lose sight of reality. Unfortunately your wedding isn't everyone's top priority. I realized that really quick and I lowered my expectations of everyone. Bridesmaids and MOH's aren't like they are in movies as great as it would be. Mine don't do anything and I was a little disappointed but I realized that they have lives and I am asking a lot of them to buy a dress for just one day. Lower your expectations and apologize to your friend. Ask her how she's feeling, how her life has been. Maybe she is going through something and cant be there for you right now. Congrats on your wedding. It will all turn out fine.

There is so much no going on here. You are involved in planning your shower/bachparty no. You are promoting/demoting people no. Did you ever think your friend may be busy taking care of her child? Sorry but the baby will trump trivial wedding activities every time. And yes, anything outside of your vows to FH is a trivial matter.

What does it even mean that you moved her to matron of honor? It's the exact same thing as maid of honor, except it's a married woman. That's like saying you changed her from Miss to Mrs.

What Jacqui76 said...i was confused by that comment but now i understand what you're trying to do.

It's not a baseball lineup - you don't bring someone up from the minors because someone isn't performing to your high standards.

Also, you're not supposed to be planning details of your shower. No bridesmaid or MOH is required to do anything for them either...

Good lord, you do not "demote" people in your wedding party (even though maid to matron isn't a demotion!)...they are not your employees. They are your friends. Begging for help planning your shower - what? Why in the world are you planning your own shower? You are doing this all wrong.