MOH asking cash bar question about my Shower – halp!

A shower doesn't need to have booze. We just had a mimosa toast at mine.

Mimosa bars seem to be really popular for showers. I went to one at a restaurant that had a mimosa bar. Is there a way you can opt for this? Then again, it depends also on what time of day it is. I feel like cocktails are a bit much for a shower.

She's running the show. And honestly, she's providing enough. At a place like that if you tell some people they can have whatever, they'll run that tab sky high. Please don't do that to your MOH. People don't need to be getting smashed at your shower. It's essentially the equivalent to if she was hosting it at her house and she only bought so much alcohol, once it's gone, that's it. Tell her it's fine and be greatful for what she's providing

We just had wine at mine. Ask if the restaurant can limit it to just wine, and pay per bottle?

@LB, I agree, it doesn't need to have booze. But there will be some provided, setting the tone that there is, in fact, booze. The question I have is the sticky area of half free/half not and not wanting guests to be surprised with a bill if they assume it is all free.

Every bridal shower I've been to has alcohol. I don't know how I'd respond because I'd feel awkward "asking" for open bar too. I don't know if there's a polite way to suggest open bar beer/wine/champagne? Or maybe you could say something like "how about a mimosa bar?" Good luck!

I feel like at a shower, I'd expect to pay for my own drinks as a guest. The ones I've been a part of were paid by bridal shower only. Hosting guests for lunch,gifts, favors, games/prizes adds up quickly for a bridal shower so I wouldn't mind paying my own way for a couple glasses of wine at a shower.

Is there a way to have an alcoholic punch for the group? I've hosted showers for my sister and friends before at restaurants and venues, and the cheapest option was to have a champagne punch bowl or something similar, with the option of ordering another bowl depending on how much guests drank. Your MOH is hosting a party and as part of hosting the guests shouldn't have to pay for anything.

I agree. Don't have your MOH cover that cost. It seems unfair for you to expect that from her. I love the mimosa bar idea.

I don't expect an open bar at a shower. Its usually like others have said, a mimosa bar or something to that effect and if you want something else, you pay for it.

Thanks for the quick replies, ladies. To clarify, no one is looking to get "smashed". The restaurant offers fun brunch cocktails which I'm excited she's offering to present to the guests because they're amazing.

I know the cost of hosting adds up greatly, which is why I kept the guest list smaller and only have about 12 people coming.

I think I will just reply by thanking her and saying whatever she chooses to do is fine by me.

Nope, I wouldn't expect to pay for cocktails (if they're onsite) at a gift giving event that I've traveled to with gift in hand. It's perfectly acceptable to serve wine at the party. If you need to throw in money to cover that, I would. That's me...I can't abide the thought of anyone thinking I didn't host them correctly. For me, it's a no brainer. If you're traveling to my event, and you're giving me something I will use for years, you're having your wine.

Centerpiece, that's how I feel too. She told me she will be offering a cocktail as people walk in and then have some pitchers for people to share (she just didn't plan on refilling empty pitchers, it seems). I don't foresee a sky high tab for anyone's additional drinks, so maybe there's a way for me to just let her know I want to cover it.

The showers I have been to with alcohol all have had a drink menu. That's where you would only include the drinks the MOH is paying for. If people go off the menu, they were expected to pay for that tab. We didn't ever go off the limited menu.

^^What Centerpiece said

I think as long as she is clear what she is hosting -- maybe she can discreetly mention something like "i am hosting the appetizers and the first two rounds of drinks"? I think in that case the guests know not to order more than two, or are expecting to pick up their own bill if they choose to order more.

I also think maybe buying a few bottles of champagne and/or wine to have on the table is a good way to limit the consumption.

That said -- as a guest at a shower I wouldn't expect to be covering my food or drinks. The shower is a way to thank people for coming and giving the bride gifts, so in my opinion if she can't afford to host the whole party there, perhaps a different location (a house maybe?) would be a better idea where she can buy the amount of alcohol/food she can afford. I know its not really your place to TELL her that though, since she is being gracious enough to host for you. Good luck!

Sounds like your MOH has a good plan, except that the drink pitchers get refilled for the guests. That is a must at a party that is being hosted. That's very sweet of you to help cover the cost. Also, are the other BMs helping with the cost of the shower?

Now, if the shower is from say, 11-2pm and guests want to linger and hang out past the party time, then I would expect them to pay for their own drinks.

The last shower I went to that was at a restaurant only offered wine and champagne. If I wanted a cocktail I had to pay myself. Maybe that's an option.

Yes, showers have to have alcohol. For sure.

I'd just offer wine, mimosas, maybe pitchers of sangria and soda but for the whole time. A shower is usually pretty short and women in the afternoon aren't going to be slamming back cocktails. And they shouldn't pay.

@Leeann, unfortunately I'm not sure how much the other girls are helping her. I've casually mentioned it before, asking if the other girls were being supportive and helping to plan and she said yes but did not go into detail. As you can imagine that would be a weird convo to have... "Oh, yes they have all given me $50!"... you see the weirdness there. And yes, after the party I have no issues with guests picking up their tabs if they are lingering.

@GrnSubmarine The party is this weekend so there's no changing venues at this point. The venue really will be perfect it's just the ickiness of how to let a friend know she maybe doesn't have the best etiquette when she's already going above and beyond to host in the first place. I told her whatever she wanted to do was fine by me and offered to cover the cost of all alcohol.