mog insists on wearing black

View Quoted Comment I haven't heard of that happening for decades. And have Miss Manners & Emily Post etiquette books, standards, which say parents choose for themselves. There was a time, when bride side paid for the wedding, and MOB had higher status than MOG, and bride told MOB formality, and MOG was supposed to give first choice to MOB then get her own, so not the same dress. --- Recently wedding industry and media shills have been putting in articles and columns that brides should color coordinate the whole wedding. It benefits the retail industry if people constantly have to buy special colors. But that does not make it proper manners. Just a marketing trend. It still is not good manners to dictate style or color of dress to any family, or guests. Only tell people formality. The BM and GM, MOH and BM, and WP kids outfits are chosen by the couple. That is it.

View Quoted Comment I’ve never heard of that. And I was raised in the south where there is a million silly rules for everything 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've never worn black to a funeral. Weddings only. Black is my happy color.

I would just let her wear black just cause it’s pretty elegant and it’s neutral

View Quoted Comment Agree Kelly

Amber, It's really not that big of a deal. Let her be great and wear what she wants. You should want all guests and bridal party to feel good and look beautiful on your day as well...

I've had to have this very same discussion with my future MIL. She wears mostly black, but I feel really strongly that I want us to look like a united family and match the bridesmaids (wearing blue). My family also feels pretty strongly about immediate family wearing black to weddings (unless its the wedding color). But even besides the black, MIL has a history of wearing... well...inappropriate outfits to weddings and other formal events (think, body parts that typically are not shown at weddings are out ) so I knew I had to do what I could to try to control the situation in this circumstance.

Having just been through this battle, I agree I think you need to decide how important this is to you. I would try to have a discussion with her and let her know how you feel and make sure future husband is on the same page and on your side. Otherwise, if its just a matter of looking back and regretting it, I don't think you'll feel that way. As long as she's smiling and happy, I don't think you'll be thinking too much about the black dress!

As someone who wears black 99.99% of the time, I'd just let it go. Black goes with everything. I'm sure she'll look fine.

Ugh black. It reminds me of the funerals I went over the years. Never would I wear black to a wedding. I’m getting married in August so no lady wants to wear black in August. 😂 my mom is coral. MoG is lavender or cream. Don’t know about SMoG. His stepmom just lost her father I think the wedding last on her mind right now.

If the guys are wearing tuxes, then I think the event is formal enough to justify the MOG wearing black, regardless of season, venue, or time of day. I would agree that black seems a bit overly formal for a barn wedding in the countryside, but if the groom and groomsmen are wearing tuxes then that makes the event more formal and makes black appropriate for someone "in" the wedding. Black can be very elegant and isn't just for funerals. Many women feel more comfortable in darker colors because they are slimming, so black may be something she feels comfortable in and also be a color she can wear again after. She won't be in all of your photos and in the photos she is in there will be other people and outfits to balance out her choice of a darker dress color. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

View Quoted Comment If daughter asked Mom to wear black, and mom refused, saying it was too funerary, I could understand. Because Mom is old enough to remember from her youth when widows wore black for a year, and immediate family never wore gay colors for a year. And black was said to be a no no for wedding. But times have changed. 6 elderly women in my FI's family have not worn anything but total black since their husbands died. 5 to 50 years ago . Our parents' generation remembers. But usually these days brides are okay with black.

I was married nearly 20 years ago now. It was my first wedding and yes, etiquette was that the mothers coordinated with the bridal party while not matching it. It was customary for the MOB to set the tone of the wedding for family members. It is the most traditional way this is done and alleviates coordination issues. Even my mother's wedding, my maternal grandmother matched the maids. And my paternal grandmother matched the maid of honor.

My friend is going through this right now but she wants to wear white... like, white lace wedding-looking dress 🙄 Keep throwing jokes until it hurts (“I thought that was one of those unwritten wedding rules to not wear white or black”) or send photos of dresses you’d suggest. Can someone else speak into her decision where it might not be obvious? And probably someone you are 100% sure won’t tell her later on the backstory.

At least she isn’t wearing white, like my MIL did.